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Post in Besides Beauty
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Health and Sanity Check-Ins

Things are crazy now. I think we are all trying to stay healthy and maintain sanity as well. I thought I would start this thread so folks can check in and discuss how they're doing. I want all my BIC friends to be okay. I will kick this off with a first post. Take care of yourself lovelies.

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Random vent so I’ll try to keep it brief.  I was thinking about getting a Ukrainian flag lawn sign because it’s an issue I care deeply about.  Then Roe v Wade got overturned. We all knew it was happening because of the leaked docs.  Next, I see a flood of stories about it on Instagram.  One in particular says “pay attention to who’s staying silent on this.”  And I’m like omg that’s me!  I haven’t posted anything about it yet, and I care about women’s reproductive healthcare!  So then I realize if I get a Ukrainian flag lawn sign, I also need to get one about reproductive health care, Black Lives Matter, and climate crisis.  

So that’s it.  Everything is awful in the news.  Midterms are coming up. The Jan 6th hearings are making me scared about how fragile our democracy is. The SCOTUS makes me nervous for our democracy.  Seems like people are more concerned about “winning” than actual principled ideas.  

And on a small side note about abortion access, I was always pro life, but earlier this year I had a miscarriage with a planned pregnancy. It took my body 4 weeks to recognize that before I actually started to shed tissue.  When we first figured it out with my doctor, I was given the option to have an induced abortion. The idea of that choice being taken away from women in similar positions is absolutely heartbreaking to me.  

Even if someone is choosing an abortion for a non life threatening reason, nobody is having abortions for fun.  I just don’t understand why some people want to be up in other people’s business like that.  

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@itscarin  I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I know how much you enjoy being a mother from your posts.  Did you happen to read that getting a dnc after a miscarriage will be outlawed anywhere? 

 

From what I understand that is standard medical care; a woman will most likely die from an infection if that tissue is not removed after the baby dies and the body doesn't always expel all of it on its own.  But that's not under the same medical code as a pregnancy that is terminated. At least that's the way it was when I miscarried. 

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@Ispend2much6 yep! After I had went to the Dr for the first time and found out I had miscarried, I was immediately scheduled a DNC I think I was around 8-10 weeks, found out my body wasn't producing enough progesterone on it's own to sustain a pregnancy, thank goodness for progesterone that can be prescribed 

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@lmaster  I hear all of these stories, and so many more from others I know. It's heartbreaking.   I'm glad you have your babies! 

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Awww thank you!! I cherish every one of their sweet faces @Ispend2much6 🤗❤️

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@Ispend2much6  Or hemorrhaging as we learned the hard way on a flight to Korea.  Most traumatic trip ever.   
I hope they don’t expect women to actually have an infection before medical intervention.  

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@heartsmyface   I'm glad your (I don't even know what to call it- experience?) had a good outcome! 

 

Like I said, as far as I know, where I am, the dnc's are done routinely after a miscarriage happens, before infection can set in.  It's a separate issue from abortion.

 

 

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@Ispend2much6 first of all, I'm sorry about your miscarriage 😥😘 and you are so right about the remaining tissue pieces in the woman's body...doctors have to "clean" that area very well if you don't want to make an infection starts. I learned about this at nursing school.

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@Skunk12puzzola  Thank you.  Even though it was a long time ago, sometimes, when my family is getting ready to go somewhere, I'll get the feeling that someone is missing and look around for a second before I realize why I felt that way.

 

But, like with a lot of things, it's good if I don't focus on what I don't have, or else I'll miss out on seeing the good that is here.  Now, to apply that to shopping...

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@Ispend2much6 Awww love that’s heartbreaking. I just want to hug you.   Yeah focusing on what you have is helpful but the sadness creeps in and throws you off when you least expect it.  

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@heartsmyface  So true.  Grief of any sort will do that, as sadly you know too well.

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@Ispend2much6 💗💗💗

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@itscarin   Also, my heart hurts that you went through that  being glad that was an option for you.  
I don’t see why anyone should have to choose between sharing physical pleasure and rights to their body.  It’s no longer sharing yourself at that point.  You’re giving yourself and your rights away if you want intimacy.  

I’m most concerned about physical violence on women who become pregnant there now cause this also entraps partners.  DV is already the leading cause of maternal death in the US so I don’t see how this ‘saves lives’ 

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@itscarin  Shaming people for not being loud on an issue is just plain wrong.  I somewhat see their intent yet at the same time it’s ignorant and insulting.  A lot of people are silently helping because it’s what’s right and, depending on what kind of help they’re providing, it can be of personal risk.  Silence isn’t indifference.  It CAN be but it’s not black and white like that.

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@itscarin I'll just second what @WinglessOne  and @heartsmyface said. There is a responsibility to act meaningfully in the face of injustice, but what that looks like is very different for each person. There isn't any perfect, objective response to these kinds of situations. Everyone has different, constantly changing levels of exposure to risk and harm for taking more public actions on these issues. It is critical for there to be mass public pushback, but one doesn't have to be personally public about political issues to support that public pushback either!

 

Anyway, I love seeing my neighbour's lawn signs 🙂 ❤️ 👌 I try to show my support for things where I can. Seeing others speaking out can help people feel less alone. So I appreciate you posting about this so that we can talk about it here <333 It is easier to face these things with others, I think.

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@itscarin  The thing about social media is it’s not representative of everyone’s entire life. I think some folks forget that and expect everyone to post about every bad thing online. I frequently remind people that social media silence on a topic doesn’t mean someone doesn’t care about the topic, or that someone’s for or against a topic. People need to realize: 

Spoiler
1. These things can be addressed outside social media. We have lives away from the internet. I mean, I don’t demand all the folks talking about the badness get offline and attend every rally, protest, community meeting, town hall, volunteer outreach, etc. related to the badness. Some people are silent online yet vocal and active offline. 

2. There’s so much badness happening at once, some people lack the energy or ability to respond to it all, let alone keep up with everything. As someone with an anxiety disorder, I understand folks who feel smothered and crushed by the weight of it all. (And no, it’s not an “I know how you feel, everyone’s feeling anxious/upset right now” thing. Anxiety disorder =/= the same level of worry most folks have. That’s like telling a cancer patient “I know how you feel, everyone’s feeling under the weather right now.”) For some people, focusing on every bad thing worsens their mental (and as a result, physical) health, sometimes to the extreme. 

3. It’s okay to focus on just one or two things at once. Some people expect us all to wear patches/pins/etc. for EVERY social issue at the same time—to plant flags in our yards for EVERYthing. That demand is cruel. 

I’m so sorry about your miscarriage. ❤️

 

I’m also glad you had a choice many women—hell, anyone with a functioning uterus—won’t anymore. I’ve always been pro-choice for several reasons, but a big one is the health of the pregnant person. I know a few people whose abortions were absolutely medically necessary to save their lives. A lot of uterus owners are going to die because of this crap. And since a few other rights are connected to Roe v Wade, I guess those will also be undone over the next year or so. We’ll be a theocracy in no time. 🙄 

 

And the Jan. 6 hearings… I knew crap was bad and the terrorism event couldn’t have been spontaneous, but all the testimony’s been fascinating. Folks who have the ability and wellness energy to watch these hearings (replays are online) should try watching at least a couple of them. 

I want to say “we’ll be okay” about everything but my optimism’s taken too many hits in the last 5 years to sound believable. 

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@WinglessOne You’re right.  One person can’t focus on all the things and it’s better to just focus on what you’re passionate about. 

I just worry about our democracy sometimes. 😅

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@itscarin I feel the same way ❤️ On my end, there's been an increase in public displays and coverage of fascism and white supremacy in Canada, movements that are intimately tied to state control over women's bodies. It goes the other way too. There is making abortions illegal and there is non-consensual sterilization. Yes, the latter has been reported in Canada with a case occurring as recently as 2019. Indigenous women are the primary targets. These things are nothing new but it also feels like it's intensifying?

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@pocketvenus I don’t have an answer to this but just a thought: I wonder the same about police brutality.  We’ve known about it for years.  You have rappers from the 80s and 90s talking about police brutality so it was a widely known phenomenon but it didn’t get acknowledged by mainstream media until a few years ago.  

likewise, I’d wonder if the increase in abuse against indigenous women has intensified recently or it’s just that the social climate has changed so that their complaints are now entering mainstream media.  

it’s just different now that everyone has social media and cell phones with cameras.  

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@itscarin Yes, it's very hard to tell. Reporting could be increasing as awareness grows. And when people see something they might try to replicate it too.

 

Canada's economy is heavily dependent on natural resources like timber and oil so it is a nation founded on the appropriation of Indigenous land. Controlling Indigenous communities through various means to extract those resources, which includes controlling women's reproductive power, is a huge part of this project. How this is accomplished has changed over Canada's history, but the fundamental principle remains the same. All this to say, I think it has always been intense, but in different ways over time.

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