Hi @LordKamiko ! Skincare can be overwhelming even for those of us who are extremely ingredient-driven and have researched lots of stuff. But my approach starts with knowing my skin type. I have combo skin: my oily zone is on and around my nose, which is where all my big visible pores are; my forehead's almost "normal"; everything else is dry with invisible pores. Do you know your skin type? You mentioned pores as a concern... do you have visible pores on your entire face, or just in one area? (You could have oily skin, or maybe combo skin with an oily zone.)
I recommend starting with a very basic 5-step routine for AM and PM (well, 4 steps for PM):
1. Wash - I can't recommend a specific cleanser without knowing your skin type but, generally speaking, CeraVe makes good cleansers. Paula's Choice also makes good ones; I use 2 of theirs regularly (one in the morning, the other at night).
2. Exfoliate 1-3 times a week - look for a 2% salicylic acid/BHA exfoliant. BHA = beta hydroxy acid. Salicylic acid is a BHA. It gets down into your pores to clear out the gunk that makes them appear larger than they really are. No AHA (alpha hydroxy acid) can do that. Both AHA and BHA will remove dead skin cells from the surface of your face; this helps your complexion look less dull. My favorite BHA exfoliant is Paula's Choice CLEAR Anti-Redness Exfoliating Solution (regular strength). Many folks love PC's Skin Perfecting 2% BHA Liquid Exfoliant; that product has a cult following.
You can also look at an AHA exfoliant, or perhaps one that combines both AHA and BHA. Just know that AHA alone will not degunk your pores. AHA exfoliants are great at treating uneven skin tone, though. Also, you can't really "shrink" your pores: they'll always be visible, and that's okay! But you can stop gunk from stretching them bigger.
3. Treat uneven skin tone/texture and signs of aging - this is where serums come into play. I use various products in this category, but what's helped my uneven skin tone the most is niacinamide. For the issues you mentioned, you might like The Ordinary Niacinamide 10% + Zinc 1% Oil Control Serum 1 oz/ 30 mL . You can use this daily, AM and/or PM, and niacinamide plays nice with pretty much every other skincare ingredient.
4. Moisturize - again, can't recommend a specific product without knowing your skin type. But there are plenty of good affordable options out there. I recently started occasionally using Paula's Choice CLEAR Oil-Free Moisturizer which contains niacinamide (hooray!) plus lots of great antioxidants. This moisturizer works well for my whole face—even my dry zones—in the current hot weather. (I normally use Youth To The People Superfood Air-Whip Lightweight Face Moisturizer with Hyaluronic Acid 2 oz / 59 m... AM and PM, year round.) I've tried 3 moisturizers by The Inkey List so far and the only one my skin likes is The INKEY List Vitamin B, C, and E Moisturizer 1.7 oz/ 50 mL .
5. (AM only) Apply sunscreen (minimum SPF of 30) EVERY day, all year long - if you're gonna splurge on a skincare product, this is it. Sunscreen is the best preventative anti-aging skincare product. You have 2 options: chemical and physical/mineral. A chemical sunscreen works by penetrating into your skin and absorbing UV rays. A physical/mineral sunscreen sits on your skin surface and deflects UV rays. My favorite mineral sunscreen is Dr. Dennis Gross Skincare Sheer Mineral Sun Spray SPF 50 4 oz : shake it up, spray it into your palm, rub it between your hands, and then apply it to your face for 100% invisible sunscreen coverage. Also, CoTZ makes good mineral sunscreens; you can find them at Ulta. My favorite chemical sunscreen is Supergoop! Unseen Sunscreen SPF 40 1.7 oz/ 50 mL .
Whichever you choose, note that you must reapply sunscreen throughout the day, typically every 2-3 hours. It's not a one and done application product.
By now, you've probably noticed different folks will give you different advice about skincare. 😂 If you can see a dermatologist (either in person or via video appointment), I recommend doing that for a pro's perspective and more personal suggestions. Plus, a derm can diagnose you with any skin issues you might have. I've known a few folks who thought their redness was just caused by acne, allergies, or rubbing their faces too much, until a derm diagnosed them with rosacea.
Also: if your friend's reaction to your skincare help request was homophobic—whether or not you're gay—then she's probably not truly your friend. You deserve better.