48 and looking for change - but scared to do it

[Anonymous]

I want to jump into this but I am filled with fear.
I was at a Sephora on Tuesday but chickened out, I must've walked around the JC Penny store for 40 min before I left.
I have struggled for years wanting to wear makeup, get a bit creative with my hair, etc.
If you knew me, you would never know really that I have this desire.
Norm programming for sure.
And wanting something so much deep inside of you but having society and your own internal cognitive dissonance shaming you for it is pure hell.

I have 2 looks I would love to do
1 - I just look great, people cant really tell but a close look might be noticeable to see I have liner, shadow, mascara.
2 - I would love to wear this all out, but do it as a man in a masculine way but with dark eyes like Dave Navarro (good luck, I'm Irish and Scottish and pretty light)
Even better would be to glam it up with my wife.

But the fear is real for men, but I am working on it.
Hoping this is a supportive and encouraging community.
Plus - this looks like so much fun

I think my first step should be to go to Sephora but I keep chickening out.

[Adonisocho]

Go for it! Some really cool products that you could use for multitasking and maybe getting the desired effect would be the Kat Von D Basket Case Liner. It’s a anti-precision liner so it’s a thicker liner and super easy to smudge out. You could line your eyes and then smudge the upper lid to second the liner as a shadow you can reach the same effect with any liner. My faves are the urban decay liners and the Marc Jacobs liners. Go for the deep colors like deep purple and deep green and browns. Line the eyes and then smudge on the lid to second and a subtle shadow!!

[k617]

Welcome @Anonymous! I think you've come to the right place...we are a place full of makeup lovers, women AND men!

Sometimes the "fear" might stem from our own discomfort with something new that we haven't tried before. I know it's not the same comparing my experience with yours since society (unfortunately) still associates "makeup" with "women" and I'm a woman so to society, wearing makeup is "normal" - but just as an example, I always avoided wearing bold lipstick because I thought I looked ridiculous. I started wearing colour glosses, then neutral lipsticks, then worked my way to the bold colours.

So ease your way into wearing the look you want! Wear the eyeliner you want, then work in mascara, then shadow. Or whatever order you feel most comfortable with. Once you're comfortable with wearing it around, you will feel more confident and be able to rock the look without worrying what others think. There are many makeup techniques that can enhance your look without looking like you're wearing any makeup (for your first desired look) - YouTube is very helpful with that.

It's great that your wife is supportive - it will be easier if she's joining in on the fun as well.

Another suggestion is to look through Instagram for other men who wear makeup (there are many!) and get some inspiration.

Good luck and hope you'll find what you're looking for here!

[MistBerry]

I just want to say welcome!

I'm within your age bracket, but female, and can understand programming. It's difficult to break free from, but I believe you took a really big step here and for that~ I am glad!

The looks you listed sound very cool. 

It's okay to want what you want. Give yourself that permission. It comes from noone else. They don't get to do that - no matter what their judgment. That privilege is not theirs. Only yours. 

Welcome again! I'm so glad you posted

[Anonymous]

@MistBerry
Thank you so much

[busylittleabee]

Hi @Anonymous! 

I just wanted to respond to your post and tell you not to be afraid! Its hard to keep something that is a part of you bottled up because its "different" and you are worried about what others think. I think its great that you posted here, everyone here on the boards are very friendly and supportive of each other.  

For your first point, maybe try a light brown pencil liner (liquid might be too dramatic at first) and just a clear mascara to accentuate your lashes? I think that would make your eyes pop but in a subtle way, as you get more comfortable you can go more glam!  I'm not sure where you live but stores like Sephora or MAC are very inclusive, often times, they have male workers there too!  For hair, just styling/combing it a different way can change the way you look. The next time you go to the hair salon, maybe you can ask your stylist for some ideas or what they think would be a good fit for you/your face shape.

Its amazing that you are building up the courage to embrace yourself. Just take it one step at a time and don't be discouraged (unfortunately there will always be some naysayers). I hope that your wife is being supportive or that you have someone who you can talk to. Best of luck! 🙂

[Anonymous]

@busylittleabee 
Thank you so much, I appreciate you taking the time.
Here is what I want to do someday.
This would be a glam night thing and I love everything about this look

This is where I hope to work towards for going out at night, meaning not just at a glam night.

It's hard to not be afraid, yes I did talk to my wife about it a few days ago. She has been very quiet about it ever since. For me, it's all about living my truth.
She was supportive and said we will figure it out and make it fun.
If we are too comfortable and not pushing our boundaries we never create any room for growth.

[MistBerry]

@Anonymous
This is a great look.

I forgot to mention when I wrote up my original post, that some of my fave musicians were glam rockers. Bowie, of course!

But I also really appreciated Peter Murphy's look. He would glam it up a bit or do the bit with a more natural looking eyeliner, etc. Idk, I always thought they looked amazing! And Peter Murphy had light skin with piercing blue eyes (I think the make-up helped with that.)


Pic of a younger Peter Murphy

[Anonymous]

I've always felt that certain looks lend themselves better for what I want as they are masculine leaning makeup.
The one I had there with color on the bottom of the eye and the liner making the wing makes it look dangerous, fierce, or predatory. I like that.

That's what I am seeking, expression.
Looks and elements of looks that stray towards masculine and work with that.
sometimes dramatic cheeks can fit that too.
But my sense is that men generally look best that don't over accentuate more than 1 element at a time.

I like that look you shared, and the dude from green day does some cool messyish stuff. The guys from Poison too, I mean today anyway - they all still rock eye stuff at 50+ (I do like the look they had early too - that's not even in style anymore though)

[MistBerry]

@Anonymous

I agree, and even for women as well, that accentuating one part of the face over others looks best. I suppose I work in the 3rds still.
Three main parts of the face: Eyes, Cheek (middle) and lips. 

There have been some amazing makeup looks for men~ and all with that edgy vibe. Honestly, Peter Murphy used to be one of my biggest crushes, and he was really sexy rocking his makeup. I never even thought about it. It just looks really good on him. (Also am and have always been a big Depeche Mode fan and they've always rocked makeup - that edgy vibe again.)

I like the others' suggestions too, if going full on right now feels overwhelming, build up. There is nothing wrong with starting where you're comfortable and working your way up. I do that with my clients. I'm a fitness and health coach. I never expect them to do something they can't bring themselves to do...yet. 😉

I'm really glad you have support with your wife too. 

[Anonymous]

lol
build up slow is definitely how it is going to be, at least going out of the house.
I figure by the time most of you ladies hit 21 or so, you already have 10 years or so into it.
So I have some practice time ahead of me.

Thank you again @MistBerry it does mean a lot to have a cool place to talk about this. I do appreciate the time you took and the thoughts you shared, it helps.

[MistBerry]

@Anonymous
You are very welcome. 
I hope when you see a subject that interests you in here, that you just jump right in. No need to be shy here 🙂