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Post in Besides Beauty

What this forum should be about...

I don't know what's going on with BT lately, but there are lots of fights and people are leaving because they're feeling attacked. So maybe some checks and balances are needed? How about we start a list of the things that cross the line.


I'll start.


1. Read your post and then read it again before you post it.

2. Can your post be construed as a personal attack? If so, don't post it.

3. If you're considering private messaging someone who you made you angry, don't. Just don't.

3. If someone is flaming a post, ignore them. Eventually they will go away.


What else, guys?

Re: What this forum should be about...

I think it's because different people have different opinion on what BeautyTalk should be about. Things can get hairy pretty fast online and it tends to go the wrong way sometimes. Somebody recommended X once, which didn't work for me so I prefaced my post with "I guess we'll have to agree to disagree" and she got super offended. I still speak my opinion of course, but I do take more care with it and try to make it as objective and unrelated to other replies as possible. Sometimes I delete a post if it's more of a personal view rather than strictly relevant and/or somebody else has already expressed something similar. There are a few threads I kind of frown upon, but I recognize they are more my personal view rather than something that violates BT rules and just leave those alone.

Re: What this forum should be about...

I don't even know what "fights" people are referring to. I can't find anything at all. I see different opinions which can lead to a debate but nothing to be angry over.


Debates and different opinions are good.  Fighting to a degree is even healthy. Do people actually get mad about internet fights with people they don't even know? If someone say's something mean, even if I reply, I'm laughing on my side.


People take things so personally. What I normally see is someone says something in general and then anyone who fits the narrative takes it as a personal attack on them, which by all means makes no sense. It's as if some random person at a store just say's "I don't like women who wear red lipstick" and then every woman with red lips in the store comes up to them and is like "why don't you like me?" I think the correct reaction should be more like "soooooooo what?" I'm not sure the internet community in general understands the difference between opinion and personal attack. You have to make an abusive remark for it to be considered an attack not just a statement. You wouldn't get in a fight because someone doesn't like you because of red lipstick (at least I hope not) but someone calling you something derogatory is very different. I hope this analogy makes as much sense to everyone else as it did to me. 

Re: What this forum should be about...

If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. Just close out of the tab, window, etc. open a new one and move on. Ignore the posts you don't like. 


Makeup related example, I don't like colored eye shadow on me, it doesn't look good, so I don't wear it. Doesn't mean I tell other people not to wear colored eye shadow. I just stay away from it personally.


I think sometimes we need to take a step back and reevaluate the situation.  I have a tendency to get very angry about unfair situations and take a lot of things personally, so I wait a day before I send an email or lash out at whatever the situation is. From there I can determine whether it's worth it. Most of the time it isn't. 


We are all obviously entitled to our opinions! This is mine. I don't like conflict, and I hate to see it happening within a beauty community. It tarnishes something that I am very passionate about, and beauty should stay beautiful Smiley Happy 

Re: What this forum should be about...

Thank you so much for posting this lecia, I feel like we all need to refocus and remember why we're here... for the makeup!

Re: What this forum should be about...

I work in social media & have moderated for many sites and forums. I give the mods here a lot of credit & think they are very lenient compared to other sites. 

I agree with your points. I also think other people shouldn't jump to conclusions & put words in other's mouth. 

As others have said, text comes across differently than speech. 

We are all entitled to our opinions here. We all don't have to like the same mascara, or moisturizer. Instead of attacking others, maybe try to see their side of the situation. 

BT is a wonderful community, I've been on here for a while & am happy to say I call many members here my friends. People who I enjoy talking to outside of BT. I get sad when I'm away from the computer for a few days & feel so out of loop when I come back. 


Re: What this forum should be about...

I've been away from BT for a couple of weeks because of a huge fundraiser for work (350+ people, yikes!) and I have no clue what happened! I think we should all just remember that all of us come to BT because we all can relate to each other. I love that all of you are as obsessed with makeup as I am! I feel like I'm not as crazy as my friends and family think I am for my obsession because you guys have it too!! And I love that about all of you! 


It is hard being online because there are no social cues to go off can't see someone's facial expression, someone's tone, etc. Again, I don't know what happened but I sure hope everything gets better! I'd hate to see someone feel they have to leave this community.

Re: What this forum should be about...

I think this is a good one to go by. Smiley Happy



I think for BT we should also add: Is it fun? Will it contribute to the community?

Re: What this forum should be about...

Love this!

Re: What this forum should be about...

Hi ladies! This post is fine, but just as a reminder (especially to our newer users), we do *actually* have official BeautyTalk guidelines, which you agree to every time you post in the community. I encourage you all to read them. Please note that the guidelines also apply to private messages. We also reserve the right to close down any threads that are getting out of hand.


The Welcome / Getting Started board is a wealth of information!


Smiley Happy


Your friendly Community Manager,


Re: What this forum should be about...

This is perfect.

I dunno what happened either. But I hope everyone will get past it.


I noticed you guys here have great discussions and are very adult like, so I'd hate to see otherwise, I haven't yet.


But it was such a refreshing thing to see, coming from other places where they couldn't handle anything and you just couldn't say much because it  hurt people's feelings when you didn't agree with them.

I am talking about like simple things, you don't like the color red? omg then you can't speak and say so. Or else you are banished.


So I love it here, everyone seems to be such great adults and such classy ladies.


Re: What this forum should be about...

Those are pretty good ways to think about posting.  I'd hate to think of them as rules.  I think they're just sensible things to do in any on-line community.


Personally, I think part of what is happening can also be attributed to:


a) It's almost Thanksgiving and for those of us hosting family dinners or going to visit family where gatherings aren't always fun, it's a stressful time.  It's stressful even if it's a happy time.


b) It's getting to the point in the school year where workloads get heavier.  People come here to destress but sometimes it's impossible to leave that behind, and feeling short tempered and having a lack of sleep comes out.


c) The weather is getting colder and ickier for many of us and that doesn't help anyone's temper.


d) It's really hard to communicate when you don't have audio or visual clues. People make assumptions when they write about what they mean.  That doesn't mean that the person reading the response takes it the way it was meant.  We can sound snarky, greedy, perky, and lots of other things ending in 'y' that may not be at all what we intend.


Following the thoughts above can sometimes help, and sometimes these things just happen.


I'm going to sound old, but as a Computer Science major who graduated from college over 27 years ago, I've been out on the internet and in a lot of different on-line communities for a long time.  Longer than some of you have been alive, etc.  (Now don't I sound obnoxious?  But I don't mean to be.)  I have seen times when groups have a flare-up.  It happens, hopefully people get beyond it, and life goes on.


I will say that this generally is one of the friendliest and nicest communities that I've been part of.  So I'm pretty hopeful that things will settle down in a few days and we'll be far too excited talking about our Black Friday hauls and what we're wearing to holiday parties to be sniping at each other.


I will agree, however, that when you PM someone you should do it with a good, clear reason.  Life really is much easier and happier when you're the one who doesn't take things too personally and lets the fight go.  (There you see, happiness patrol alert. Smiley Happy )

Re: What this forum should be about...

I think your suggestions are valid for all internet communications! And they are great suggestions. I've started staying away from posts that become "unpleasant" because I've seen how easy it is to get caught up in the drama. And often the posters involved are people I chat with and like, so I like to take a step back and let things cool down.And I honestly believe that no one ever intends for things to end up like they do.


Trust me, I learned my lesson on another forum a few years back, and won't make that mistake again.

Re: What this forum should be about...

Don't say anything on BT that you wouldn't say to that person's face, I feel like people get bolder about their comments because they are hiding behind a keyboard and far from the person who's feelings they're hurting.

Re: What this forum should be about...

Agreed. The power of anonymity. It brings out the worst in some people.

Re: What this forum should be about...

Could not agree more love!


4. If someone has crossed the line, just report it and let the mods handle it. Don't give a Neg Nancy any more power. 

5. Golden Rule (Hi, my name is Caitlin and I'm a cheese ball) 

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