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People at my school say I'm mean ...... /////. ...... *le sigh *

I don't understand why people think I'm mean if I'm just being myself. Is it because I'm an introvert? Have darker interests? Or because I dresss in all black? It's probably that and because I'm quite the honest person, I'm not sugar-coating anything, that just being a dishonest person. I guess I'll always have to deal with it since I'm always getting made fun of.

Has something like this happened to you?image.jpg

Re: People at my school say I'm mean ...... /////. ...... *le sigh *

 I had a similar problem in college. We always had issues that they would bail on plans or act like I wasn't around but at some point it blew up when my roommate totally ditched me for the guy she was dating/arguing insanely with and for me it was a final straw that I was constantly getting ditched and made fun of by my roommates. When I approached her to say let's talk it over, our 3rd roomamate came in and I realized that they were basically both approaching me (although it had nothing to do with the 3rd roommate) that they ditch me all the time because I was a b*tch and I was always miserable so if they had the opportunity to hang out with someone else instead of me that they would take it. I felt like it was unfair to even be said because it was never about what they did to make me upset (aka ditching me or making fun of me) only that it was ME that was the problem. I will admit I am a tough person, I've never been the person to sugar coat things. I think a friend is supposed to tell you the truth, but still not in a completely nasty way. As rough of a person as I am, I cried for ages after that. I was so hurt, I had never had anyone just insult me as a person like that. I am an introvert but that doesn't make me a bad person. I tried to I guess I'll say "be the person they wanted me to be" and it was insane how much better they treated me immediately. It literally became that I would just nod and smile and laugh at everything they said. But I found that I just didn't feel like myself and I shouldn't have to be someone different for them. I similarly was broken up with just before the summer for the qualities that make me an introvert (hilarity being that he is as much an introvert as I am). I was too quite, too shy, didn't talk enough, didn't make plans enough, I seemed like I was miserable when I was out with friends. It got to the point that he would dictate how I should (yes should) have answered a question that a friend asked me. He would literally bring up conversations that happened MONTHS prior to say "well when so and so asked you blah blah question you should have said this" or bring up specific moments where it was "well you did this but you should have done that." I felt like that just brought up all of the stuff I had to deal with in college. It is just having someone CRAP all over who you are as a person. Even to this day now, I hesitate talking to someone. The few times I've even spoken to my ex since I now think about everything that comes out of my mouth...am I talking enough? Am I keeping up conversation enough? Am I speaking loud enough? It just has gotten to be too much. Way too long of a story short, I truly feel your pain. It is really frustrating to have people attack who you are as a person especially when you don't feel that is the person you are. And it gets more frustrating when people try to tell you "how you are" when only you know that. "Well you look miserable" Okay my mistake how should I be looking to assure you that I'm not miserable? It is SO FRUSTRATING. I hope things get better for you <3

Re: People at my school say I'm mean ...... /////. ...... *le sigh *

I've been out of high school for over thirty years, and even though I was bullied, the people who did it are absoluetly nothing in my life today and haven't been for decades. I don't even remember most of their names or what they looked like.  These people will most likely be of no importance to you at all in a few years time, so why not just ignore them as best you can and concentrate on more positive things that will enrich your life and further your well being? 

 

Being honest is a virtue, but it does not have to be verbally exercised with every person you encounter. Sometimes it is just best to say nothing, and if you are asked for your opinion, give it with kindness. Honesty should never be used as a hurtful weapon.

 

You seem to be letting these people have a lot of free rent in your head by constantly responding to them and then worrying about it and analyzing it later. These people do not deserve to occupy any more space in your head. Save that space for the people and things that truly matter Smiley Happy

 

Re: People at my school say I'm mean ...... /////. ...... *le sigh *

I think the fact you are questioning whether you are mean, worried you are too mean, is evidence that you aren't a mean seed. More likely, you aren't following social norms, and it's being misinterpreted. I get it. I was very, very shy and quiet growing up and was often accused of not liking people. That wasn't true at all. Once people got to know me, they realized that. However, I can't rely on everyone taking time to break down my walls. Now, I try to be more outgoing, well relatively at least, and I wish I'd learned better social skills at a young age. I had a tough home life that made act like a kicked puppy all the time. I'm just glad I'm able to work on it as an adult. At 32, I'm still working on it.

 

You don't need to concede that you are mean or stop being yourself in order to work on social skills and be the best you can be. If your bluntness is a problem, is someone who can help you learn to soften your approach a bit? Don't do it for the popular kids, but for you. These skills will help you in the workplace in the future.

Re: People at my school say I'm mean ...... /////. ...... *le sigh *

I feel the same, I also grew up in a .. strange house life. I only had females to talk to, one my grand,other and my own mother that I didn't see as often. I was supposed to be ' the good child ' but I only did it to please them. I am very grateful that they put up with me, now that I'm a bit older i can understand that I was a mistake.    Popular kids are the ones who piss me off the most ( Smiley Sad )  I just ignore it for now.

Re: People at my school say I'm mean ...... /////. ...... *le sigh *

So many people here have given you such great insight.  @emmaclaire said "Such a huge part of growing up (for everyone, regardless of age) is learning how to communicate with people even when they're mean or rude."  This is so incredibly true, and it's something that people need to continue through their lives.  Heck, I've watched my husband go from a person who always needed to be right and win every fight, especially with people who annoyed him, to someone who can give people advice on the best way to face a situation and understand what is going on with other people -- and that's between ages 34 and 44!  As @sundaespal said: "Don't do it for the popular kids, but for you. These skills will help you in the workplace in the future."

 

I was always the shy, quiet person in high school.  It's probably been 35 years and I can still remember one of the "popular" boys coming up to me and joking that one of the other boys wanted to go out with me -- and it was clearly a joke.  These things hurt.  But you know what, I never see these people.  They've probably grown up, too, and I hope they're happy in their lives.  I know that I am.  I'm smart, successful, and actually know now that I'm attractive no matter how much they made me feel like I wasn't.  High school is a wonderful time for some people and a horrible time for others.  If it's horrible for you, just remember that while it feels like your entire life right now, there is an end and many other good things lie ahead of you.  (I would never, ever, ever go back to being in high school again!)

 

I would never say that you should tell people things that are untrue just because that's what they want to hear.  But as others have said, how you tell someone the truth, and how much you tell them, matters as much as what you say. I don't think we ever get to be in situations where every person we interact with is someone that we like.  All we can control is how we deal with it.

 

I'll also say that being shy and introverted is hard but you can over time get a bit more outgoing.  Try simple things like smiling at a stranger, holding a door, telling the cashier at the store to have a nice day.  These may sound trite, but you make their day a little better, and it gets you talking to strangers in a way that has no personal stress for you and makes you seem friendly.  And it does get easier over time.

 

Good luck getting through this -- it really does get better!

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