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Post in Besides Beauty

People at my school say I'm mean ...... /////. ...... *le sigh *

I don't understand why people think I'm mean if I'm just being myself. Is it because I'm an introvert? Have darker interests? Or because I dresss in all black? It's probably that and because I'm quite the honest person, I'm not sugar-coating anything, that just being a dishonest person. I guess I'll always have to deal with it since I'm always getting made fun of.

Has something like this happened to you?image.jpg

Re: People at my school say I'm mean ...... /////. ...... *le sigh *

i completely understand. Introverts are often misunderstood. 

I'm the same way and i feel like people judge me all the time.  they assume that I'm stuck up because i don't talk.. ridiculous 

honestly, you are the only one who knows your true self, and if you know that it isn't true, you should worry about what people say. next time someone says you're mean, ask them why. 

if its something where you are too bluntly honest with people, you can try holding back some mean thoughts if it will hurt people. it isn't being dishonest, its just that some people can't handle the full truth. don't lie to them, just find something positive to say without blurting out all the negatives. eventually you'll feel more positive yourself if you keep doing this and trust me, it won't affect you negatively to not say negative things.

but honestly, don't worry about the haters ~ if someone you care about says it, prove to them that they are wrong! i know it sucks, but just believe that you are a good person!

Re: People at my school say I'm mean ...... /////. ...... *le sigh *

I had a goth friend in High school...Never thought she was mean or anything. I even helped her get what she truly wanted like a black nail polish for her birthday, since her mother wasn't going to give it to her. I know several people who were misjudged in high school, mostly my friends. I was the invisible, shy one so hardly anyone bothered me, unless it was to speak up. In college, it's a different environment, unless your already in it. But I agree with the other person would ask why next time. 

Re: People at my school say I'm mean ...... /////. ...... *le sigh *

People fear the unknown or things/people they don't understand unfortunately.

Re: People at my school say I'm mean ...... /////. ...... *le sigh *

Uhhh, yeah that was me in high school.  Except replace "mean" with "b*tch".  I think it's important to be open to the feedback/criticism other people have of you, because that way you can learn/grow from it.  I'm still very blunt but now at least I know I'm callous and I'm not surprised if people find me off-putting.  The upside from getting criticism like this is at least now you can be more aware of other people's feelings.  Sometimes, I bake cookies for people because I know I can't actually be nice with words so offering a nice gesture makes up for it (at least it does in my mind!).  Anyway, you'll find that some people love a really outspoken person and other people will be easily offended by the things you say.  Try to be mindful of others, and maybe just **bleep** if you don't have anything nice to say. 

Re: People at my school say I'm mean ...... /////. ...... *le sigh *

I was always raised with if you get similar feedback from more than 3 people that are completely unrelated (friend groups, worlds work vs private, etc) then at least some of it might possibly be true. This isn't saying that you are mean but some of your actions might lead people to misunderstand. I have always been a very blunt and honest person. But just because you have an opinion, does not mean that you always need to say it. 

Re: People at my school say I'm mean ...... /////. ...... *le sigh *

People's perceptions, especially in an environment like school, can largely be based on one or two interactions.  I know that people thought I was stuck up in school, because I am extremely shy and also really socially awkward.  I now make a concerted effort to be nice to people and to try and be a little more outgoing because I don't want to be perceived as "snobby"- I still am not an extrovert, but hopefully people see me more as "quiet" these days.

 

So, I don't think you need to change yourself or change your behavior if it is who you are, but maybe instead of sugar coating, you can try the "tactfully not saying anything" once in a while if you can tell someone probably won't like what you have to say.  I find myself doing that allllllll the time.

Re: People at my school say I'm mean ...... /////. ...... *le sigh *

You don't have to sugarcoat things, but if it doesn't help anyone and is better left unsaid, then don't say it. At least that's the approach I took in High School. It's hard to realize in HS, but you don't have to make everyone like you or convince them to think the way you do. If my friends are talking about something I'm not interested in or disagree with, I just shut my ears until they are done with that topic. If everyone likes something and I don't, I don't say "I like it" to please them or "I hate it" to cause argument. I just shrug and say "it's interesting." and let them interpret however they want.

 

I'm out of college already and I've always been made fun of. Most of the time they are light teasing but occasionally there are extreme ones ("All ___ should die...Oh I don't mean you, it's not your fault you are ___." or when I was a TA, "I didn't pay tuition to the university just so you can mess with my grade."). You just have to take a deep breath, step back and think "is this person/comment going to matter in a yr or two?" most likely not, then it's not worth your time getting worked up over it. Just ignore and move on. You don't have to make friends with everyone everywhere you go, altho some ppl seem to have that ability which I lack. To me at least, it's more important to have a couple of true friends who will give you honest feedback and stand up for you than getting hung up on what ppl who don't know you said.

Re: People at my school say I'm mean ...... /////. ...... *le sigh *

You should feel free to have your own style and be yourself. No one has the right to make fun of you.

 

I'm interested in your statement that you are "not sugar-coating anything."  It is good to be honest and not deceptive, but that doesn't excuse you from remembering that other people also have feelings and are vulnerable in their own ways.

 

This quote is true for me: "When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people." (Abraham Joshua Heschel)  You don't need to be older to understand the principle.

 

Cleverness does not give us permission to be hurtful or unkind.   If people are being mean, ignore them and don't give them any satisfaction of provoking a reaction.  But make sure that you are not one of the unkind people as well.

 

 

Re: People at my school say I'm mean ...... /////. ...... *le sigh *

Sugar coating is not the same as being dishonest.  I was 17 one of my friends said to me, "You just say whatever you think.  You don't care how other people feel."  It was one of those epiphany moments.  I suddenly realized that not everyone liked the truth in black and white like I did.  That concept had honestly never occurred to me before.  Prior to that I guess I thought I was doing everyone else a favor by being "honest," but really I was just alienating and hurting people.  I know we've chatted briefly about this before.  Learning to reign in your tongue is one of the biggest favors you will ever do yourself.

 

Now, I am not excusing the people who are being jerks to you, and I am not saying that you're bringing it upon yourself.  You absolutely have a right to be an introvert who dresses in black and has dark interests if that is who you are.  Being "you" will lead you to the people and things that are supposed to be in your life.  These idiot classmates of yours will grow up and you will not be made fun of for forever.  I do want to make sure though that you're not adding "fuel to the fire" so to speak while you're waiting for better things to happen.  I recall the post where you said a kid tripped you and you screamed at him to "die".  Giving buttheads like that a big reaction is only going to encourage them.  

Re: People at my school say I'm mean ...... /////. ...... *le sigh *

yeah, ever since I got feedback from the last post I've tried real hard to not go and try to optical a fight with them. If they do something I just ignore them, it's been a little difficult but it's better to learn how to hold your tongue Smiley Happy

Re: People at my school say I'm mean ...... /////. ...... *le sigh *

Hey GothGirl00 , 

 

When I was in high school, I went through being harassed by a lot of my classmates for being goth like. I wore the heavy makeup, and dressed in black, wore chains, and a spiked collar and listened to a lot of dark music. I was also the target of being accused of making comments about bombing the school which was just outrageous. In regards to being honest, I too like to be honest and not sugar coat anything. As long as people aren't taking what I am saying in a hurtful way I am happy. I also think that people need to lay off you because of who you want to be. I think goth people are pretty awesome, they keep to themselves, and don't go out of their way to harm others. Because of how one dresses people are quick to have a judgement in mind of them. I say stay strong, and don't let anyone bring you down !.

 

 

Re: People at my school say I'm mean ...... /////. ...... *le sigh *

Bombard the school?! That's just...... Ahaa anyway, thank you! Goth people are pretty awesome xD   ' Keep Calm and Stay Strong ' got it! C:

Re: People at my school say I'm mean ...... /////. ...... *le sigh *

If you're getting the same feedback from a lot of different people, it is worth thinking about seriously.  One of my biggest pet peeves is when people use "being very honest" as justification for being hurtful and/or rude - I'm not saying you're doing that, but there is a BIG difference between honesty and cruelty.

 

Always remember to ask yourself these three questions before saying something "honest":

1. Does this need to be said?

2. Does this need to be said by me?

3. Does this need to be said by me right now?

Re: People at my school say I'm mean ...... /////. ...... *le sigh *

"Be kind whenever possible, and it is always possible."

 

Even if you dislike someone, it is possible to be kind to them.

 

I was "The Goth Girl" in high school, college, and beyond.  I didn't believe then and I don't believe now that being an introvert, having darker interests, and dressing in black means that one is a mean or bad person.  We had- and still have- so much fun and laughter in our lives.

 

I know how mean kids can be in middle school and high school.  I know what it is like to be bullied.  I know what it is like to be tormented.


But you have two choices.  You can be above it, or you can sink to their level and be mean right back.

 

Adolescence does NOT last forever, and the people who are making fun of you now are so insignificant in the scheme of things. The most important thing you can do is keep your chin up and work hard in school so that you can rise above all of that and pursue something that is interesting and inspiring to you. 

 

But I agree 100% with what emmaclaire said below.  "Honesty" is one thing.  Being mean and justifying it as honesty is another.  I encourage you to do some soul-searching and self-reflection to see how you react to others.   Are you reacting with honest answers to direct questions?  Or are you simply saying things that come into your head, unprovoked, and labeling it as honest?

 

Remember, even harsh honesty can be phrased nicely.    If your friend asks you if you like her new haircut, and you hate it, there is no need to say "I hate it, it looks bad"   It is just as honest to say "I liked your old cut better, but the great thing is hair grows back and it is always fun to try something new."

 

good luck, kiddo.

 

 

 

Re: People at my school say I'm mean ...... /////. ...... *le sigh *

I wouldn't care just pretend to be nice....it will keep them off your back but if you really were offended by their comments don't hesitate to stand up for yourself. Nothing is worse than simmering over it when you can give it ten times as painful where needed. And this is from a mild girl who decided you can't please the world....so why die trying to? 

Re: People at my school say I'm mean ...... /////. ...... *le sigh *

I wouldn't care just pretend to be nice....it will keep them off your back but if you really were offended by their comments don't hesitate to stand up for yourself. Nothing is worse than simmering over it when you can give it ten times as painful where needed. And this is from a mild girl who decided you can't please the world....so why die trying to? 

Also external outfit and makeup choices do not reflect inner personality. its common notion but very incorrect. So many shows and banners advertise dark red nail polish and black it doesn't mean your gothic.......it says nothing on your nature

Re: People at my school say I'm mean ...... /////. ...... *le sigh *

Some people are just flat out mean. I dread going to my 11th period class because everyone works in one big group and talks about me and says mean things while I quietly work by myself. And they have no reason, I have never done anything to them and never even talk to them, but for some reason they think it's ok to call me fat, ugly, stuck up, selfish, etc... I just keep telling myself that I only have 3 and a half more years, then I'm out of here

 

I just try to ignore it, that's the best advice I can give you. Don't change yourself just so they'll stop, just be yourself and don't react

Re: People at my school say I'm mean ...... /////. ...... *le sigh *

Yeah that happens to me too,   When we are put into groups I normally end up working while everyone else is talking. Later on they ask me what the answers are and I just say. ' that's why you have a brain' it's not as bad as saying ' you're stupid' right ?!    

Re: People at my school say I'm mean ...... /////. ...... *le sigh *

I had one free period where kids decided to launch spitballs at the back of my head.  A few of them even stuck.  They all laughed at me.  It made me raging mad, but, instead of doing anything about it, I completely ignored it, and eventually they got tired of it and moved on.  You have to ignore them.  If they see you reacting they're going to keep bothering you. 

 

I even had one lunch period with 3 girls came over to me at lunch to tell me no one liked me and a few other nasty things.  I responded by saying something very mean back to one of them, and the little posse left with their tail between their legs.  

 

If people aren't saying anything directly to you, I'd just ignore them.  If you say something back to them, be prepared for things to escalate.  You have to decide for yourself if it's worth it to you to put your foot down, and how much abuse you can take.   

Re: People at my school say I'm mean ...... /////. ...... *le sigh *

Glossy, I am a freshman in college and I struggled with many fake friends and people making fun of me--mostly for my height and style (I just like to dress up, and wear heels to class, okay?!)

 

I know this phrase gets old, but it DOES get better. I've made friends that I know I'll have for a lifetime, and meeting new people has become an experience I look forward to rather than dread. Ignore the haters, you're fabulous Smiley Happy

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