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Post in Besides Beauty

Meeting best friends as an adult.

A year ago I transferred units at my company. After working in so many different teams with varying personalities, I had no expectations of making friends at work.


Then I met my friend, Pearl. The first time she invited me to lunch, she had just returned from maternity leave. We walked around for half an hour before she realized that the restaurant had closed down while she was away.  I was 26 when I met Pearl, years out of college, and just thought that there was no way I was going to meet a new good friend--much less a best friend!


To my very pleasant surprise, she is my best friend in the whole world. She's the sister I always wanted (and I have 3!)


In celebration of best friends, show us what you're getting yours! I am off-loading my ENTIRE stash of samples to her and I've been helping set up her 1 year old's princess room by going around town for the perfect furniture pieces and commuting an hour to her place every single weekend,


To best friends!  They make champagne more bubbly and heartbreaks less painful.



Re: Meeting best friends as an adult.

As a 'ps' - it can be hard making friends when you're an adult, we have responsibilities and commitments that we didn't have as 'youngsters'.


I wanted to tell you that I love that she is the sister you always wanted, even though you already have 3. Very funny and sadly, my situation seems to mirror yours. You worded it so nicely. Here's to hoping that maybe somewhere down the road, maybe our actual sisters will become better friends and be the sisters we always wanted too. You just never know.


It's very special that you are a part of her daughters life and that you have a real and powerful love for both of them, they are lucky to have a friend like you, and lucky to get all of those samples & things, my eyes are popping out of their sockets and I'm drooling. If you ever need another best friend, call me.


This was a great thread, thanks for posting this. Sorry mine was so looooong, yours was the perfect length. Enjoy the holidays and enjoy the special ladies that have come into your life, it will be wonderful watching that little princess grow up and that is something that you can really bond over and it will truly cement your friendship. All the best to you. Smiley Happy

Re: Meeting best friends as an adult.

how wonderful lilyyy!

Re: Meeting best friends as an adult.

Hey kissyheart - i would call A in a heart beat - time has passed - the loss is still very pronounced - i can feel your pain reading your post - she may be thinking of you too - somebody has to pull the trigger - anytime is a good time to reach out, but with the holidays people can be more receptive; the reason for the season - life is short and precious, friends are sunshine on a dreary day - do not torment yourself any longer - be the bigger person and reach out - you did not have closure - you can either start to heal or pick up where you left off - tell her what you wrote to us


my thoughts are with you that the right words will come and ease your pain

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Thanks spoiledbrat, after reading your response and the responses of all the girls below, I did try to call, got a few different phone #'s 2 out of order, 1 no answer and 1 answering machine, didn't leave a message. I think I'll try those #'s again tomorrow, it's nearly 10:30p (it was 10p when I called, a little late, but I just said 'Just Do It now' to myself.) All your words are so true and beautiful, thank you for that. I actually feel kind of De-toxified after reading all of the responses I got, strange, but it feels good. She's also not on facebook and there are a number of different addresses for her. We'll see what tomorrow brings.


Funny thing, I met her ex mother-in-law in Macys, she was working there and gave me an application for a Macys card and her name was on it. I asked if she was any relation to my friend & her husband, and it was his mother. The sad news, they split up and he was killed in a car accident on New Years morning. I think of all of them every New Years day. I tried to contact my friend back then but couldn't get a phone #. His mother moved and I couldn't find her anywhere. It was a sad moment, meeting his Mom, but we both got a feeling of healing from our brief moments together, we hugged and cried as though we were long lost friends. It was a blessing. Smiley Happy


Well, I'll let you all know what happens tomorrow.........


Thanks for getting through the looooong post, didn't think anyone would, very touched that you all did. Smiley Happy

Re: Meeting best friends as an adult.

I didn't read this before I posted below, but I'm so glad that you called -- I bet it feels really good. I hope she's receptive to your attempt to connect -- and as I said below, maybe she has missed you all along, too, but never thought she could reach out.

Re: Meeting best friends as an adult.

I'm so hoping that you're right, it would be amazing to find out that she missed me to and just didn't know how to handle things as time passed. Even if she's not receptive at least I know I tried. Thanks for the pep talk, I really appreciate it. Happy Holidays Katie. Smiley Happy

Re: Meeting best friends as an adult.

Of course! Happy holidays to you, too! Smiley Very Happy

Re: Meeting best friends as an adult.

My neighbor was my best friend from the time we were 4 years old to the time we were in our early twenties. Then I went to college and she got married and life drifted us apart. We still speak when ever we see each other but it is not the same as being 15 and sitting in her room dreaming about life. Now that I am older I really don't have any friends. My kids, husband, and work take all my time. I miss having a best girlfriend but I am not a social person so I am not out meeting people. I am also an only child so I have no sisters or sister in laws. I work with all men. You people on this board are my friends and I really value all of you and enjoy reading your post.

Re: Meeting best friends as an adult.

I'm glad that there are people here that you consider friends, sometimes it's just not that easy making new friends, especially if you're working with all men. I get that you also don't have a ton of time with kids, husbands and all the madness that comes along with it. I hope things will change and that you will meet somebody who you can sit with and chat or schmooze on the phone with when there is a free moment. For now, it's great that you can come here and chat with us and get some of that girl talk that is often hard to find. Hang in there and who knows, maybe at some point you will find things in common with your former best friend. Right now it's nice to think of the wonderful times you shared. Wishing you all the best for the holidays and always. Smiley Happy

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I really loved reading all these stories, because I worry I will not make good friends in the future, and it gives me hope! In high school, I felt like I did not fit in because I did not drink, and my high school was rated the #1 party high school, so that made a big impact. Anyways I made a best friend in high school and I regret it. I stuck with her only, and never tried to make good friends. We went to college the first two years together, and again stuck together. But then she transferred to a university 4 hours away and she never texts or call, and when I try to reach out, she says she is busy. But when she comes into town, she suddenly remembers my number. Anyways, I do have to give a shout out to a best friend that I consider a sister.

She is my cousin's wife and we have known each other for 9 years and she is 9 years older than me. But we have never got into an argument and will always help each other. We talk about makeup! And we go shopping and I hope to find more friends like her!

Re: Meeting best friends as an adult.

I wasn't a big party-er either and some people feel guilty when they're around friends who don't party, that affected one of my friendships, but I believe it was not a friendship that was meant to endure anyhow. Some people are not great at keeping touch for any number of reasons, so I hope you won't take it too personally. I do understand how you feel though and it hurts when she comes into town and calls you and thinks that you'll be right there waiting. She may not realize just what she's doing. I'm hopeful that you'll find some other friends, sometimes it happens in the strangest ways, just try to be open and I think that will help.

I think it's great that you have a special relationship with your cousins wife and it's also great that there is an age difference, that can be a wonderful thing. You make her feel younger and help her remember what certain things felt like 'in the old days' and she can hopefully be a great source of wisdom. My 3 closest friends are 3, 14 and I think 18 years older than I am. They are wonderful friendships. I was 14 when I met one friend, she was 28, married and bought the house next door to us. She loved having the little sister that she never had, and she loved that she could send me home if I got too annoying (as younger sisters probably can get) Likewise with her 3 little boys, they were the little brothers I never had, and I could send them home or leave their house when they got a little out of hand. It all works out in the end. I'm glad you have each other and the family link makes it even better.

Try to hang in there and not get too hurt when your friend doesn't respond the way you want her too, sometimes it's a phase that someone is going through. Just try to be receptive and I think new friends will come your way. You can always reach out and talk to me or other girls here. Keep your chin up. Smiley Happy I hope you enjoy the holidays as much as possible. Let me know if you need an ear, okay? Okay. Smiley Happy Smiley Happy Smiley Happy 

Re: Meeting best friends as an adult.

Wow your response was so inspiring, I don't know if that's the word, but I hope you know what I mean. Thank you for taking time out to respond and providing your advice. And I agree age differences are a good thing since I feel more mature than the 20 year olds I know. And its great because she helps me out when I am dealing with problems dealing with college. I really appreciate your input. Thanks again!

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I have never been one to have a lot of friends. My closest friends have always been classmates or workmates that are going through the same trials and tribulations as I am. My best work friend just lost her father and I consider it a blessing that I am able to be there for her until she can travel back home. As of Monday I'll be on my own at work, and I just hope I can connect with someone else as easily.

Re: Meeting best friends as an adult.

I'm sorry about your friends loss, I just lost my Dad in October so I know it's hard. I'm glad you were able to help your friend out, that's a blessing for both of you. I think you'll be just fine at work, especially at this time of year. Hopefully there will be some X-Mas cheer going on and some lines of communication may open up new friendships. Take care and hang in there. Smiley Happy

Re: Meeting best friends as an adult.

Thanks. I work at a non-Christian school so there's of official celebrating going on but everyone is really lovely and I just hope I can take the next new hire under my wing like my friend did when I first started. I hope everyone is having a wonderful holiday season no matter what you may be celebrating, or if holidays are not a part of your belief system then I hope you have a great winter and pleasant dreams of the spring to come Smiley Happy

Re: Meeting best friends as an adult.

Great topic! I always had serial besties in school, which in hindsight really prevented me from making more friends and getting to know different kinds of people. I think about that if i ever have kids that I would try to encourage them to have lots of friends instead of just one intense friendship at a time. Anyhow, i had a bestie in elementary school who i saw less of after i moved away, and talked to her once years later when in high school and we just had zero in common anymore. Then I had high school bestie, and I never hung out with anyone except her and her lame boyfriends for 3 years ( anyone seen the movie Ghost world? that was EXACTLY us, I was ScarJo's character, ha!). During the last year of high school I finally started trying to branch out and make other friends, but was still besties with her. Then on graduation day, she just said " i don't want to be friends anymore" and just left. Color me crushed! I tried to figure out what i'd done wrong for years after that and decided it was probably because i'd gotten my own lame boyfriend that year and she didnt like him. 


Anyhow, I met my present best girl friend as an adult when we were both in the army in korea, initially bonding over how much boys suck and how great Oreos are. We've been friends for 10 years now and usually live on opposite sides of the country, but get together 2 or 3 times a year and usually talk every week.



Re: Meeting best friends as an adult.

<3 Zoolander!

Re: Meeting best friends as an adult.

I don't really have any friends I hangout with. All of my friends from high school have moved away. I only keep in close contact with one of them.The rest are friends I suppose, but we aren't close at all and rarely talk. I pretty much only do things with my boyfriend. I don't really know how I feel about this. In high school I tried really hard to have lots of friends and compromised who I was to be popular I think. Now, I realize I just don't like a lot of things the majority of people my age do, and that I am okay just doing my own thing. It would be nice to have a female friend, but most situations I am in it just feels solely like work to maintain the relationship and like I am not myself.

Re: Meeting best friends as an adult.

i moved 3 years ago and still have not met anyone new. i'm a stay at home mom so that makes it hard! i have two friends who already lived here when i moved and i babysit for one of them so i see her often (though only a couple of minutes at a time, as she's out the door to get to work and gets off really late at night and wants to get home) and the other... she's one of my best friends and we never seem to find the time to get together. it gets lonely, but being as guarded as i am sometimes i am more comfortable this way. i don't think i used to be this bad, but since my son was born i just don't have the energy to deal with the drama that comes with friendships i guess. 


i should really get out more and be a bit more social... i always do enjoy myself when i hang out with friends, so long as it is a one on one situation. i get nervous around a lot of people! social anxiety sucks. 


i love your gift to your bff! i bet she'll love it Smiley Very Happy i did something similar for my friends and sisters, but on a much smaller scale, since i did it for 5 people Smiley Happy i've decided that i'll do this every year now and i've already started a stash of christmas goodies for next years gifties! 

Re: Meeting best friends as an adult.

I met one of my best friends not long after Dan and I were in engaged back in December 2004.  His friend Shawn had brought his fiancée Kristin by to meet me and she and I just clicked immediately.  We've been friends in our own right since then.  She was excited for us when we were pregnant with Alyssa and she and Shawn were there with us with no questions asked for company the night we lost her.  She was one of the few that was honest with us that they were expecting around the same time Alyssa was buried (and didn't walk on eggshells around us).  When she had her daughter, I babysat for her and she was so excited when we found out Ashley was fine and would be a healthy baby girl.


I actually gave her her Christmas gift last night.  A "Godchild" frame (she and Shawn are Ashley's godparents); a Chanel eye quad; nail polishes, remover and top coat; hand lotion; and Lash Domination mascara.  She was pretty excited about all the pretty stuff to play with!

Re: Meeting best friends as an adult.

My roommate for 4 years in various places, she is possibly the nicest, most understanding, and crazy-awesome person ever!  She's been awesome, and we've since moved apart, but I do miss her.  We ended up becoming friends by talent when we were in charge of a women's co-op, we both have different approaches, they complemented each other in getting the job done, and we just got along, and eventually got our own place together.  


I got her some pretty earrings with some cheap garnet-esque stones.  It's motivation for her to go back to her garnet area and to find some stones for it (she LOVES this actually).  So, it's more the potential of the gift than the gift itself in this case.  She's not much for makeup, so, it wouldn't make sense to get her cosmetics lol 

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