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Post in Besides Beauty

Ladies 20 and over: How has your self esteem / Self Confidence improved since the teenage years?

                    Ladies what has picked you up since the teen years in the esteem and confidence area? What makes you feel good about yourself physically and mentally. What makes you feel beautiful. I really want to hear some of your stories. I'm 16 and feel at my lowest. My mother isn't in the position to help me at  this time. So what advice could you give? ♥



Edit 6/27/11: You girls are helping a lot more than you probably realise. :')

Re: Ladies 20 and over: How has your self esteem / Self Confidence improved since the teenage years?

well, thank u. it seemed like the best thing to say at the time, and at this moment in my life, im doing my best to apply it to myself....

Re: Ladies 20 and over: How has your self esteem / Self Confidence improved since the teenage years?

There are always going to be mean/ inappropriate people in this world, and it is unfortunate, but think of it this way, those people give the world variety. It would be  a boring world if everyone was the same. You just have to go through life being yourself and everything else will fall into place. I'm going to be 20 in the fall, and getting older I've learned exactly what I like, and exactly what I don't and this won't change for anybody. You come to realize in life that its better to surround yourself by positive people you connect with instead of spending your time with people just because of what they own, or anything like that. I don't like to drink or smoke and thats lost me a connection with a lot of people who I though were great, but in the end I found out they werent so great. You just have to go with your gut feeling, and stay true to yourself. It may feel like your losing, but in the end you are winning. Don't give up, I know it sounds corny, but honestly the best advice at this time is to do your own thing and try to be the best person you can be and practice good morales. People at school might think your stupid or lame, but in a few years they'll be out of your life anyways so just forget them.

Re: Ladies 20 and over: How has your self esteem / Self Confidence improved since the teenage years?

During my teenage years, it was hard for me to have a lot of self confidence because I didn't feel best about myself. I am only 5 feet tall and I was on the chubby side and had a face full of acne that just wouldn't go away. It was a tough time for me, I didn't feel like I would ever escape that era, or that things would get better.   I tried so many different beauty skincare products and then finally one day I told my mom that I wanted to see a dermatologist about my skin and acne and that I didn't want to be a senior in highschool and go to Prom with a face full of acne. After trials and tribulations, I found the right skin product for me that would treat my acne and I was beginning to look up to the light that things were going to be better and that I would have better skin and that I would be a lot more happier and feel better about the way I looked.     The best part about getting rid of my acne was I felt a lot better about myself and that I was able to enhance my eyes and my new "skin" with makeup whereas before I always felt like I was trying to cover my acne up or trying to hid something.     After getting rid of my acne, I decided that I want to change my way of life and start eating healthy and exercising to lose weight. After 6 months, I lost 30  pounds and felt the best I have ever felt.. Since my teenage years, I have learned a lot about myself and have learned to love myself the way I am and to be happy with who I am. I can only be grateful for what I have been given and can only  try to enhance myself each and every day so that I  continue to have the confidence that I have now.  Smiley Happy

Re: Ladies 20 and over: How has your self esteem / Self Confidence improved since the teenage years?



Many of the aphorisms that I heard in my teens like "beauty is on the inside" - sounded totally hollow. We live in a hypocritical society when it comes to women, power and beauty. Some things that helped:


One of the best things I did was to get to know strong, intelligent women who didn't replicate the hypocrisy of mainstream society and especially in the media. Older women can give you so much perspective!


Also, I'd consider the friends you are with. Do your friends support you? In high school, I hung out with a group of rich and pretty girls who were usually nice, but was stressed out by all the gossip and focus on being fat/ugly. I stopped being friends with them and my self esteem improved.


For body image specifically, a little trick: life drawing class. I spent many years drawing nudes of all different shapes. You learn to see beauty in a different way - in a way that is alive and not just a series of artificial poses. You also will reprogram years of taking in images of beauty as defined by the media which is frankly, abnormal. It is one thing to look at a woman in a magazine and say to yourself that she has been digitally altered and to be able to feel that strangeness in your gut, to know as an artist, that something is wrong with that image.


I spent a great deal of time really thinking through what being a woman meant to me and picking through all the damaging ideas about women that I had been taught (e.g. white women are the most physically attractive and overweight women cannot be sexy, etc.). I was identifying where (or from whom) I had picked up these negative messages and deciding what I thought about them. I didn't just think about body image though, I thought through issues about women and power (e.g. Why are powerful women often called biatches when they behave in ways acceptable for men?), women and sexuality (e.g. Why are we taught that "nice" girls are less deserving of being assaulted than "slutty" girls?) I still think about these things, in a different way, years later.


Finally, I'd recommend volunteering somewhere that makes you feel connected to the people you're helping. Volunteering will help you gain skills to help build your confidence. There is much more to life than your own world and broadening your perspective by helping others is one of the best ways to branch out and gain self esteem.


Take care!! <3


Re: Ladies 20 and over: How has your self esteem / Self Confidence improved since the teenage years?

One key thing to self esteem is to resist judging others and be compassionate when others act badly/hurtful.  I find that this is the first step to stop judging yourself so harshly and to be more compassionate and easy on yourself.  Do your best for the sake of practice and not necessarily the goal.  Work towards goals, but be easy-on/compassionate-towards  yourself when things don't come as easily or as quickly as you thought.  Life is not a race, but an experience and ultimately focus on what you would like to be, become, know, experience, and realize that what's important to others does not add or take away from what's important to you.  Sure special people in your life, their opinion matters, but all the decisions are yours and you have the right and it's ok to try, make mistakes, and learn and grow.  Smiley Wink


With regards to outside beauty, which inside beauty and comfort and easy-relaxed-confidence only makes outside look more beautiful, is to embrace those special parts of your face that make you you.  Also, to play and learn from trial and error.  Try and imitate fashion and beauty techniques that you like for the sake of practice and don't take yourself and your beauty so seriously.  Makeup is fun and an accessory but it really doesn't transform you the way the beauty industry suggests.  It's just a way to accentuate and accessorize.  Everything takes practice, and realize that perfect and "the best" doesn't exist and is not constant for anyone. Again, this is about not taking yourself and your makeup too seriously. Practise, and learn through practise; loosen up, relax, and the confidence will follow.

Re: Ladies 20 and over: How has your self esteem / Self Confidence improved since the teenage years?

Being 16 is scientificly unfair. Your body is on the fact tract to becoming a woman while your kid-brain is swimming around in hormones and your whole future is staring you down. It's intense and you are sent 5 days a week to an school filled with your peers who are just as awkward and unsure as you are.




always a but.


It gets better.


I have been 6 foot tall since about 5th grade, always chubby, pale as a sheet of paper with ruddy cheeks, odd voice and glasses. High school was tough and I never felt pretty or wanted. My dad constantly picked at my weight (once calling me a fat pig for eating a handful of grapes before dinner) and that I didn't dress girly.


then, college came and the changes were slow but I started to grow into my body, I met people who got me, I started to like how tall I was and how fair my skin was, I felt special.


I am still chubby, but trust me, one day soon you will have no f@*ks to give about your shape.


I may not know you, but trust me, your shape is flawless just the way you are.


I am so comfortable in my tall curvy frame that I model. No, not fashion.


I have been a life drawing model for art schools which means yep, I pose nude in the name of art. Nothing is more validating then watching people working so hard to try to replicate the magic that is your natural body.


While I can't recommend taking your pants of, I would recommend seeing if any portrait or drawing classes want clothed models, its fun and makes you notice how special you are.



you will grow into yourself, you just need time and of course, No one wants to be the girl who peaks in high school.

Re: Ladies 20 and over: How has your self esteem / Self Confidence improved since the teenage years?

you will grow into yourself, you just need time and of course, No one wants to be the girl who peaks in high school.


LOVE that line........ so true!!!!

Re: Ladies 20 and over: How has your self esteem / Self Confidence improved since the teenage years?

@beckpoppins, that's so awesome you model for life drawing. It's models like you that have taught me how to see beauty in that magical way <3

Re: Ladies 20 and over: How has your self esteem / Self Confidence improved since the teenage years?

I wish that Taylor Swifts song Mean would have come out when I was in high school.  She summarizes my thoughts perfectly.  All those people who made my life hell, well, they're only ever going to be mean. 


My mother swears I was beautiful when I was younger (I just turned 20, btw).  In a sense I was, but I needed more time to grow into my features.  I had to find my self-confidence in other ways in high school.  My nickname was smart chick (they thought it was an insult... *eye roll*), I was the most talented musician my school had seen in decades, and my art was pretty **bleep** good too.  I knew that I could do anything I wanted with my life, better than anyone that made fun of me.  It was the only thing that kept me going through those years.  My advice, find what you are good at and throw your whole being into it.  People can make fun of you, they can hit you and try to make you just as bitter as they are, but they can never take away what you have accomplished.


My life really started the night of Graduation.  Since starting University, I have really grown into myself.  Now, when I walk into a club, I'm the girl all the guys want.  Why, because I don't dress like a total **bleep**, nor do I wear disgusting amounts of makeup.  I love my glitter and eyeliner, don't get me wrong, but makeup is meant to enhance not obscure features.  I have found my self-confidence first in what I could do, and now in what I look like.  It's the best way I believe, you stay more real that way.  I don't get along with people who know their looks are their only selling point.  I would be amazing even if I was the most butt-ugly human on this planet because I'm smart, talented and very driven to succeed.  


For a long time, I was living only to do better than the people that have tormented me over the years.  Yes, it got me through, but I was still giving them power.  The past few months I've started living and working hard just for me, and my life has gotten better.


What makes me feel beautiful? Knowing that I don't look like everyone else.  I don't have french fake nails, nor blond streaks in my hair.  I'm comfortable going out with my hair undone and no makeup at all.  I'm me, and I don't apologize for it, nor do I shove it in anyones faces.


Be you, live well, work hard, have fun. 



Re: Ladies 20 and over: How has your self esteem / Self Confidence improved since the teenage years?

My teen years were hard for me. I grew up lower-middle class. My parents couldn't afford much. I was teased and verbally bullied in junior high because I didn't wear name-brand clothing. It also didn't help that I was shy. High school wasn't much better despite my family moving to a rural town in another state the summer before my freshman year. While clothing brands didn't matter, I was still shy and I had gained weight. Never had a date for any of the school dances, including prom. Fortunately, everything started to change when I went to college. I lost weight, started coloring my hair, and was involved in a couple organizations that allowed me to make friends I still have today. Plus the guys finally started noticing me.


I'm 32 now. There are still some moments I still struggle with self esteem, but when I start to get down on what I don't like I then try to focus on what I do like about me. As far as confidence goes, I'm a lot braver about doing things I used to be too chicken to do. Traveling to nearby cities is something that used to terrify me because of worrying about getting lost. Thank God for the inventor of the GPS. I also went to college for a second time and graduated this past spring. I'm wanting to get as much out of life as I can.



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