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Post in Besides Beauty

How do you feel about BT lately?

I've read through the guidelines... again, before posting this to ensure that: - I'm Nice - I have Good netiquette - I'm not vague (These are the rules) I'm a little disappointed with BT right now; over the last couple of months, it feels like there have been several issues within the community; heart parties, multiple posts, people complaining about things, and (we'll just call it) member issues. I have a love/hate relationship with this community; I've learned so much and met some amazing people (shout out to SparkleKai, Vanillammm, Loretta, Killahbabe, Hackney, Lari, KB, Linda, Annec322, {I'm sure I'm forgetting someone... sorry- it's like an oscar speech}) but it just feels like some behaviors are allowed and tolerated while others aren't. As much as I said I was going to stay away because the community was becoming draining, I find myself back here wanting to help someone, or read something that will enable me. It's really confusing and awful. I'm still fairly new to BT, and hear about the "old BT" where everyone was nice to each other, and it was fun (sounds like the 60's), but when I joined, it wasn't so contentious and filled with (be nice, be nice) people who are different. I'm interested to see how others are feeling? Is there something we can do as a community to change this and make BT feel like a functional home again? I'm not looking to stir anything up; I'm genuinely asking for your candor and ideas. I'm sure the Mods and Candace would appreciate anything that helps their lives too.

Re: How do you feel about BT lately?

Good morning all!


I think the time has come to close down this thread. I have deleted the last post and all of the responses (sorry about the hearts, folks), because it was inflammatory. For the record, please do not post in all caps because that is considered yelling on the internet and is a no-no in our community. 


We are always open to suggestions for ways to make this community a better place and we are constantly striving to do so. The mods have a really difficult job and sometimes have to make tough decisions for the best of the community. These decisions will not always be appreciated by everyone, but trust me, we hear it from both sides.


I will reiterate that the tone and tenor of this community is determined by you, and how you interact with each other. I don't think it should be controversial that we ask our participants remain friendly and respectful with each other. We are talking about beauty, after all, and even if we are passionate and opinions differ there is no reason to not remain cordial. 


That being said, you will probably not want to be BFFs forever with everyone you meet in this community (except me, of course), and if that is the case I would implore you to resist the urge to interact negatively with someone you've decided you don't care for. Having opinions and answering questions (and even giving a differing opinion than someone else) is fine, but we all know when what we are typing has more of an edge to it than it needs to, and we all know when and why we are doing it. I would ask that you read everything before posting and consider your tone before hitting "reply".


BeautyTalk is my baby, and I've seen many different groups of wonderful people come through this community and move on (even many of today's "veteran" users would be considered newbies to some of the Original BeautyTalkers). The only consistent thing about BeautyTalk is that it is always changing, and given that we are a living, breathing, vibrant community, I think that's okay.


You guys are all awesome and thank you again for being such passionate, smart, and valuable contributors to our little slice of the internet. The one thing posts like this always remind me is that you guys really care about what happens here, and that means the world to us.


Love and lipgloss and sparklez and llamas and mustaches and glitter. Smiley Happy



Re: How do you feel about BT lately?

Thanks everyone For your opinions; some I agree with, some I don't. I think a popular theme is evolution, and I can't influence or change that so I'm leaving it as is. i think I've been pretty respectful to 99.9% of the people here with the exception of known "problems" who have personally attacked me. It's just not worth it anymore to call out inconsistencies or bad behavior. Because of the sheer volume of posts and what I see to be a blind eye sometimes, the behavior is ignored. I'm not the type to "tattle" and I don't possess a "victim mentality"; i typically handle things head on. Since that appears to be frowned upon, I'll stop. It is what it is. 

Re: How do you feel about BT lately?

I pretty much agree with everything you've said here.  When people are respectful, you have always been nothing but kind.  If someone crosses you, you have the right and responsibility to stand up for yourself.  There is nothing wrong with that in my opinion.  I actually prefer a bold person to a timid person more often than not.  Now, the people who start the drama (not to be mistaken for the ones who stand up for themselves), are people I try to avoid at all cost.

Re: How do you feel about BT lately?

passive aggressiveness drives me bonkers!!!  i like my aggression aggressive!  

Re: How do you feel about BT lately?

Me too! 

Re: How do you feel about BT lately?

Thanks Notcreative! I am a natural mediator and I try, to a fault sometimes, to get both sides together (as exampled with this thread). But sometimes you have to cut your losses and accept the sitaution for what it is. I'll stay in my lane over here and be above the fray, and complain about it elsewhere (as I've been doing). Smiley Happy It's just too bad it can't be easy. 

Re: How do you feel about BT lately?

where is the " other site' people keep talking about. I am not a " Old member" but would love to join!

Re: How do you feel about BT lately?

I have had a very positive experience here. I think sometimes maybe a member simply doesn't "click" maybe their personalities and this causes problems especially when it's hard to read exactly how a person is feeling and in what manner they are posting ( are they angry, kidding, upset , being a smart butt etc.)  That's okay everyone is not meant to get along, what I think matters the most is,  that everyone gives it's their best try to get along and skip threads that they think may upset themselves .


If they don't get along with a certain poster it might be good to not post in threads that they start just to keep everyone getting along. I know I tend to stay away from people in my real life that I don't get along with and the internet is no different. I do think like I said before that the biggest problem online is you are unable to tell what another poster is really thinking or exactly what they mean when posting so sometimes post get misunderstood or someone takes it the wrong way.  In a perfect world everyone would get along and in a perfect world Make Up would be free ;-) Sadly, we don't live in a perfect world.. I do try to pretend I do though Smiley Surprised)


<3 Love <3 Hugs <3 and Confidence <3 to all <3

Re: How do you feel about BT lately?

Wait where is this other place people are posting? Anybody want to share?

Re: How do you feel about BT lately?

Unpopular opinion to a lot of people it seems, but half the problem seems to be that people think there are 'cliques', 'cat-packs', 'mean girls', but lets be honest this experience is what you make of it. You want to see cliques, cat-packs, mean girls or people being mean to each other- that's what you're going to see. You want to see a group of close girls making jokes about Paula Deen, llamas, mustaches, heart parties etc then you're going to just see girls having fun. If we can't poke fun at ourselves and others then life is going to be insanely boring and lonely. Join our parties, join our fun or go make your own! If you don't want to have fun then stick strictly to the advice threads, but the girls who genuinely love people and having fun will be everywhere because that's who we are. We want to get to know everyone and make friends because honestly some of these ladies are the most amazing I've met. 

If you branch out and try to make friends, you will. If you want to be a recluse and be hateful then by all means go ahead because no one is stopping you, but stop crying about it. 

The other issue I think is the 'bullying' issue. No one is fooling anyone but not naming any names here in the bullying situation, but when someone is spewing incorrect, potential harmful information, or even if it's just plain wrong we get bashed for correcting them. The first few times it seemed to be corrected nicely but as time moves on and they still are spewing the same information that's wrong or highly biased based upon youtube or PC reviews (or still not corrected or acknowledged despite the overwhelming comments filled with first hand knowledge?) what are you supposed to do? Continue to wear rose colored glasses and pretend everything is rainbows and unicorns? It's frustrating, and we have emotions and we're going to let them show. Or when someone is attempting to 'go outside the box' and have an overwhelming posts of 'yay or nay' and straight up rude, disrespectful, posts or shoves his opinion down our throats? We get to endure that too and the people that have EARNED their places in out community are banned, ignored, reprimanded, belittled and called names?


You know what's bullying? That is. But none of the 'cat pack' call it that because they have thicker skin, they take things with a grain of salt, and they will never let some internet weirdo have that power over them. And honestly, they simply don't care about some irrelevant opinion.  

But to answer your question what can we do to change and make BT feel like a home again? 
Nothing, because it's going to take all of us and most people won't change because no one is doing anything wrong and I guess in a way the members aren't really doing anything wrong because they're just being themselves. It's just a personality conflict of multiple people and that's okay. What can the mods do? Not play favorites. I.e when someone is giving awful advice like putting a turned-on hair straightener on a towel maybe not agreeing with them (unless you want the house burned down, then by all means proceed), or when someone is spewing random information about her life and straying off topic, giving out personal information, posting 3+ comments at a time having nothing to do with the topic (fyi being vague is apparently in the rules) make them leave. Apparently, you have that power just for banning people who say they "live in Bt". And finally when a new member is trying to collect personal information like social media sites, actual cities and states protect us. That kind of stuff is dangerous, and unnecessary. Be across the board for everyone because if snark and off-topicness is what you ban for a certain nutty person should have been banned 37 seconds into coming onto the forum. 


/rant over


p.s. sorry if this didn't all make sense, i was just filled with emotions Smiley Tongue

Re: How do you feel about BT lately?

I joined BT a couple years ago, but never posted until this year.  Even now, my posts have been very few.   But that doesn't mean I don't get on here and read.  I read everyone else's posts, page after page of funny pictures, beautiful eye makeup looks, questions about skincare, and sharing exciting makeup tips with each other.  As an outsider who is OK with being an outsider, who would rather read than participate, I can attest that I have seen much of what other ladies here are commenting about. 


I have seen women be so kind and generous to each other, offering not just makeup tips, but acceptance and friendship to near strangers.  I have seen miscommunications that have turned into passive aggressive battles.  I have seen women trying to give helpful, knowledgeable advice, only to be called bullies or treated shamefully.  I have seen over and over postings from a mentally unbalanced woman who gives detailed information about her welfare checks and criminal record, and who begs people and Sephora for handouts.  I have seen other members get annoyed at her multiple train-of-thought postings and finally explode in frustration, only to be reprimanded by mods or other members.  I have seen young kids, barely out of high-school, with a shoe-box full of makeup, come on here and call themselves "makeup artists", and give incorrect and often harmful advice on thread after thread.  And when other members (sometimes kindly, sometimes not), finally speak up, I've seen them called bullies.   And I've seen members who are permanently guarded and sarcastic, defending themselves at every turn, which can make a simple makeup thread immediately turn tense and personal.


I've seen a lot of miscommunication in the 6 months I've been reading all your posts.  I see two distinct groups of women: the ones who believe BT should be a community of friends, all sharing advice and tips, teasing each other, calling each other out when in error, and developing and continuing these relationships outside of BT.  And the second group who believe that BT should be a semi-professional type of community, where we can share tips and advice, but not develop a deeper friendship between each other, and any misunderstandings should be directed to the mods to deal with.  Neither of these groups is the "wrong group", and neither of these groups is the "right group".  It's a social dynamic that will never balance, especially as daily more members join who fit into both groups, and personalities begin to clash. 


Is there a way to fix it?  No.  BT is just a pie slice of the human race, and we've been at war since the dawn of time.  Smiley Happy  On a simpler scale, most of us don't always get along with our family, or even our neighbors, so we can't expect to create a small scale nirvana on a makeup board full of complete strangers.  My *opinion*, as a dreaded lurker, is to choose the group you want to belong to, but then don't complain when you see the other group behaving as they do.  So if you're the buddy-buddy type of group, don't be surprised when someone takes offense at your playfully rude criticism and reports you to the mods.  If you prefer to be facts based and more beauty focused, don't be offended and rude at the group that thinks Paula Deen riding a meatball is hilarious.  The Golden Rule never grows old: treat others how you would like to be treated.  As others mentioned above, we don't all have to agree, but we should respect each other.


My two cents.  Smiley Very Happy





Re: How do you feel about BT lately?

Fantastic post, Kristallovesdogs!  <3 <3 <3

Re: How do you feel about BT lately?

I agree with most of what you said.  This is a great post.  


The only place I differ on is rather than choosing a group, I will choose the individuals I like.  There are great people on both sides.  However, I will still play nice with the members I find less beneficial to the community.

Re: How do you feel about BT lately?

Awesome and eloquent post, kristallovesdogs. You deserve all the hearts you're getting for this comment!

Re: How do you feel about BT lately?

Hey kristallovesdogs, that is one eloquent, fabulous post!  I wish I could write like you! Word, 100%.

Re: How do you feel about BT lately?

Great post.

Re: How do you feel about BT lately?

Perfect response. Thank you!!!!

Re: How do you feel about BT lately?

I appreciate the way you ended your comment.  Respect is key, even if you dont always agree Smiley Happy 


xo, Mia

Re: How do you feel about BT lately?

Wish I could heart this more. Thanks for posting this. 

Re: How do you feel about BT lately?

Bravo, kristallovesdogs! A hundred hearts!

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