Health and Sanity Check-Ins

[sprocketta]

Things are crazy now. I think we are all trying to stay healthy and maintain sanity as well. I thought I would start this thread so folks can check in and discuss how they're doing. I want all my BIC friends to be okay. I will kick this off with a first post. Take care of yourself lovelies.

[Ispend2much6]

@heartsmyface  So true.  Grief of any sort will do that, as sadly you know too well.

[Skunk12puzzola]

@Ispend2much6 💗💗💗

[heartsmyface]

@itscarin   Also, my heart hurts that you went through that  being glad that was an option for you.  
I don’t see why anyone should have to choose between sharing physical pleasure and rights to their body.  It’s no longer sharing yourself at that point.  You’re giving yourself and your rights away if you want intimacy.  

I’m most concerned about physical violence on women who become pregnant there now cause this also entraps partners.  DV is already the leading cause of maternal death in the US so I don’t see how this ‘saves lives’ 

[heartsmyface]

@itscarin  Shaming people for not being loud on an issue is just plain wrong.  I somewhat see their intent yet at the same time it’s ignorant and insulting.  A lot of people are silently helping because it’s what’s right and, depending on what kind of help they’re providing, it can be of personal risk.  Silence isn’t indifference.  It CAN be but it’s not black and white like that.

[pocketvenus]

@itscarin I'll just second what @WinglessOne  and @heartsmyface said. There is a responsibility to act meaningfully in the face of injustice, but what that looks like is very different for each person. There isn't any perfect, objective response to these kinds of situations. Everyone has different, constantly changing levels of exposure to risk and harm for taking more public actions on these issues. It is critical for there to be mass public pushback, but one doesn't have to be personally public about political issues to support that public pushback either!

Anyway, I love seeing my neighbour's lawn signs 🙂 ❤️ 👌 I try to show my support for things where I can. Seeing others speaking out can help people feel less alone. So I appreciate you posting about this so that we can talk about it here <333 It is easier to face these things with others, I think.

[WinglessOne]

@itscarin  The thing about social media is it’s not representative of everyone’s entire life. I think some folks forget that and expect everyone to post about every bad thing online. I frequently remind people that social media silence on a topic doesn’t mean someone doesn’t care about the topic, or that someone’s for or against a topic. People need to realize: 

Spoiler

1. These things can be addressed outside social media. We have lives away from the internet. I mean, I don’t demand all the folks talking about the badness get offline and attend every rally, protest, community meeting, town hall, volunteer outreach, etc. related to the badness. Some people are silent online yet vocal and active offline. 

2. There’s so much badness happening at once, some people lack the energy or ability to respond to it all, let alone keep up with everything. As someone with an anxiety disorder, I understand folks who feel smothered and crushed by the weight of it all. (And no, it’s not an “I know how you feel, everyone’s feeling anxious/upset right now” thing. Anxiety disorder =/= the same level of worry most folks have. That’s like telling a cancer patient “I know how you feel, everyone’s feeling under the weather right now.”) For some people, focusing on every bad thing worsens their mental (and as a result, physical) health, sometimes to the extreme. 

3. It’s okay to focus on just one or two things at once. Some people expect us all to wear patches/pins/etc. for EVERY social issue at the same time—to plant flags in our yards for EVERYthing. That demand is cruel. 

I’m so sorry about your miscarriage. ❤️

I’m also glad you had a choice many women—hell, anyone with a functioning uterus—won’t anymore. I’ve always been pro-choice for several reasons, but a big one is the health of the pregnant person. I know a few people whose abortions were absolutely medically necessary to save their lives. A lot of uterus owners are going to die because of this crap. And since a few other rights are connected to Roe v Wade, I guess those will also be undone over the next year or so. We’ll be a theocracy in no time. 🙄 

And the Jan. 6 hearings… I knew crap was bad and the terrorism event couldn’t have been spontaneous, but all the testimony’s been fascinating. Folks who have the ability and wellness energy to watch these hearings (replays are online) should try watching at least a couple of them. 

I want to say “we’ll be okay” about everything but my optimism’s taken too many hits in the last 5 years to sound believable. 

[itscarin]

@WinglessOne You’re right.  One person can’t focus on all the things and it’s better to just focus on what you’re passionate about. 

I just worry about our democracy sometimes. 😅

[pocketvenus]

@itscarin I feel the same way ❤️ On my end, there's been an increase in public displays and coverage of fascism and white supremacy in Canada, movements that are intimately tied to state control over women's bodies. It goes the other way too. There is making abortions illegal and there is non-consensual sterilization. Yes, the latter has been reported in Canada with a case occurring as recently as 2019. Indigenous women are the primary targets. These things are nothing new but it also feels like it's intensifying?

[itscarin]

@pocketvenus I don’t have an answer to this but just a thought: I wonder the same about police brutality.  We’ve known about it for years.  You have rappers from the 80s and 90s talking about police brutality so it was a widely known phenomenon but it didn’t get acknowledged by mainstream media until a few years ago.  

likewise, I’d wonder if the increase in abuse against indigenous women has intensified recently or it’s just that the social climate has changed so that their complaints are now entering mainstream media.  

it’s just different now that everyone has social media and cell phones with cameras.  

[pocketvenus]

@itscarin Yes, it's very hard to tell. Reporting could be increasing as awareness grows. And when people see something they might try to replicate it too.

Canada's economy is heavily dependent on natural resources like timber and oil so it is a nation founded on the appropriation of Indigenous land. Controlling Indigenous communities through various means to extract those resources, which includes controlling women's reproductive power, is a huge part of this project. How this is accomplished has changed over Canada's history, but the fundamental principle remains the same. All this to say, I think it has always been intense, but in different ways over time.

[lmaster]

@itscarin I feel for you!!! My second child is a rainbow baby, my husband and I don't quite agree on certain topics 🙄 but I do feel it's up to each individual person to make that choice for themselves. Whether it's medical related or not, we don't know what is going on in someone else's life

[itscarin]

@lmaster yes, you really don’t know what’s going on in everyone’s life so it’s impossible to judge. Raising a kid is hard under the best of circumstances.  I don’t know why we’d want to force someone to have a kid in circumstances that they thought were less than ideal.    

the thing about agreeing to disagree is that this new interpretation of the law doesn’t allow for disagreement.  If you don’t want an abortion, don’t have one, but banning abortions doesn’t really make room for disagreement.  

[lmaster]

@itscarin truth!! 

[SportyGirly125]

@lmaster @My husband and I don’t agree on certain things either. I feel you 🙄

[lmaster]

@SportyGirly125 sometimes you just have to agree to disagree 🤷

[pocketvenus]

@itscarin This was such a blow. I'm so sorry and am sending hugs to everyone struggling with the news ❤️ And I'm sorry you had to go through that, itscarin!

I couldn't watch past the first season of Handmaid's Tale when it was first released because it felt too real but it is another matter to watch this kind of thing play out in real life. It's not that I thought the US would end up looking like a television show. It's more like the way of thinking in the show, the logic behind it, was accurate. I thought, I may as well just watch the news 😞

It's not just the US. Controlling women's bodies and reproductive power is a fundamental part of building a modern nation state. Whenever a nation state is struggling, these types of concerns flare up and related investments are made into state apparatuses of control.

[faeriegirl]

@itscarin  I usually find myself staying silent at times like this because it’s hard for me to put the rage I feel into words. I am so sorry that you had a miscarriage. I am so sorry for all the women that have to deal with this on top of all the craziness that is going on right now. Gay rights will be next. It is a very scary time for our country.

[curlychiquita]

@itscarin I agree with everything you said, it's upsetting so many bad things are happening and it's exhausting mentally because it's hard when we care so much

Also, for every post I see that says, "you can come stay with me in my state for an abortion," - it's going to be very easy to for states to say it's a crime for the woman to do that, because you'd be crossing state lines to commit a crime. I'm watching to see who does that first (bets on Texas, Louisiana, or Arkansas).

Also upsetting to see Clarence Thomas already talking about reversing the ruling on gay marriage (and right in the middle of Pride month). 

[itscarin]

@curlychiquita I just don’t understand why anyone cares about who is married to whom.  It just doesn’t effect me so I’m going to keep my nose out of other people’s business since it doesn’t impact me.   But yeah, it could be the beginning of some really bad calls. 

[Titian06]

@itscarin - I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriage and the physical and emotional distress you have suffered! 😪  (((HUG)))

You're not the only one feeling this way!  This is an appalling decision.

The SC has always been the luck of the draw--which party is in office when a new judge to be named.  If that party is "lucky," they'll be able to name more than one judge.  The real problem is the judges are appointed for life.

[SportyGirly125]

@itscarin Sorry to hear about your miscarriage. No one really talked about them until recently. It was sort of a hush hush thing. I have had three before I had my son and felt depressed and alone at that time.  My first one was so painful it sent me to the ER. 

I feel bad for the states that went effective immediately.  I don’t want to really dive into the topic because I know people have their own views and take on it.