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Post in Besides Beauty
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Health and Sanity Check-Ins

Things are crazy now. I think we are all trying to stay healthy and maintain sanity as well. I thought I would start this thread so folks can check in and discuss how they're doing. I want all my BIC friends to be okay. I will kick this off with a first post. Take care of yourself lovelies.

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@pocketvenus I'm not one for positivity - I really try but I was genetically coded to be a pessimist (thanks Dad lol). With that said I have an extremely hard time saying no and being a "fixer" which it sounds like you are too. I have been taking care of two loved ones that have had surgery and also are having major ongoing health issues. I have an elderly cat that needs a lot of attention due to IBS, CKD, and other health issues (he goes to the vet every 2 weeks which is financially hard but we're making due). I've been fighting insurance companies while at the same time trying to get people at doctor's offices to do their job (i.e. making sure things get approved by insurance - there's nothing like getting a call at 5:30 Friday night telling you a procedure has been denied and if you show up on Monday morning you'll owe the total $2500+ at that time. Who has that kind of money just laying around right now?!??!!??). I hate with every fiber of my being this health insurance plan that we are on and it is not cheap either (for myself and my spouse for the month it's roughly the same amount as my mortgage and the coverage is terrible). Sorry for that tangent.

 

Slowly I have let things go to the wayside because I just can't keep going (such as not being on here as much which I feel guilty about, posting on IG, eating poorly etc) because on top of everything I have to still keep going. I have to work my full time job, I have to take care of the things that others won't (I SO HEAR YOU on the things that fall to women front - I feel you sister and trust me I am there in the mire with you). I've felt like I've been wadding in quicksand until my body has finally said NO for me. I am burnt out completely to the point of exhaustion.

 

It's been saying no for about 3 months but it finally won this last week when I had a panic attack in the doctor's office (something I haven't had in a long time and I can't remember the last time I had one in public) which was witnessed by the doctor and her nurse and it was totally mortifying. I got put on steroids to help with all the inflammation in my body due to stress/autoimmune disorder going nutso, and blood pressure medication because I can't calm down (again stress mixed in with a healthy dose of insomnia to the max). I was ordered to take a mini vacation at home to rest and for my own mental health but I'm not sure if that'll happen as there are still too many balls in the air that I'm trying to juggle and I can't shut off my brain. I'm even scheduled to get a heart scan just to make sure things are okay. I have 5 more procedures that I need to get loved ones thru including dealing with nutso insurance still.  I'm really hoping come October things will finally calm down.

 

If it means anything I applaud you for getting through all that you are going thru with grace (at least it sounds like it to me). I know what is on both of our plates is different, but if I could give you a tiny bit of advice just don't do what I did. I'm paying the price right now and it is a hefty one. Please find the things to say no to -  I understand that saying no to things like the health of your loved ones is hard but sometimes when those people can take care of certain things by themselves and they are more than capable of doing so you need to let go. I'm really trying to teach myself that - the struggle is so very real.

 

These last two years have been the absolute hardest of my life from Covid, losing loved ones, things being shut down and necessary items hard to find, illnesses, my spouse losing his job, financial issues, family squabbles, and the world just generally being a huge dumpster fire. What I would give for a day to go to a beach and hunt for sea shells and walking the shore at nighttime with the waves lapping at my feet. My only respite is in books currently and I guess that's my two pieces of advice from all of this word salad that I've served up - say no to the things that aren't emergencies or delegate and find time in your day for you to be able to shut off your brain and just rewind. With Halloween coming up I recommend The Southern Book Club's Guide to Slaying Vampires. It's a campy 80's romp with a bit of spooky added to it perfect for the season. I wish everyone peace and seeing how I'm due to get up in 6 hours for work I better go - happy Monday 🙃.

Re: Health and Sanity Check-Ins

@niki172 , that's a lot. It's hard when everything hits at once, and with COVID, it's been going on for a long time. Good luck! 💗

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@niki172 I'm so sorry for everything you are going through, I really hope you can get some alleviation from your stress as soon as possible and I'm truly rooting for you <3. I'm also super sorry about your pet, I've been there and it's so rough. I truly feel like having sick pets that need lots of care is an unspoken about topic and it seems that it's something people don't bring up enough. It can be extremely stressful, expensive, time consuming and at times very emotional but is somehow looked at as a taboo "excuse" (for lack of a better term) to not tending to other responsibilities and/or taking a day off, especially in a work setting. 

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@QueenMarceline I'm thankful that my employer sees pets as family and not just animals that belong to you (sorry I'm going on about 3 hours of sleep right now and my brain is mush but I hope you understand what I'm trying to say). My first cat got sick in 2013 (actually on Superbowl Sunday he had a stroke and was diagnosed with heart issues) and I thankfully had him for another 6 years. Unfortunately his younger "brother" (who is almost 19) has been sick since 2018 so I've been dealing with aging sick kitties for almost 10 years now. It's all the things that you said but as long as they want to eat, snuggle, and aren't in any pain I'll do everything in my power to keep being a good Momma to them 💜.

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@niki172 That's truly wonderful of your employer ❤️

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@niki172 , I'm sorry to hear all of this.  Insurance can be despicable.  On a healthcare person end of it, denials and copays are so ridiculous.  I've had high risk people like yourself denied for things I assumed were pretty straight forward.  Makes me angry, but I hope there's something better coming for you.

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Thanks so much @danielledanielle our insurance broker reached out to me on Monday to ask if there "was anything they could do" which shocked the crud out of me and also made me a little mad as they've been apprised of the situation(s) for quite some time. Hopefully they'll be able to help me somehow with everything going on. I didn't know there was a shortage of in home medical equipment due to recalls and my spouse has been put on a waiting list so hopefully he'll get off it soon. I was told the waiting list is over a year out, but due to his circumstances he got jumped in line to the 2-3 month waiting period. I'm not holding my breathe but I also find myself trying to find it on my own somehow and/or wheeling and dealing to try and get him moved up that list even farther (**if a major vital organ wasn't involved I wouldn't be doing these mental gymnastics). Nothing sketchy or like ordered from Wish - these are the things that make me pull my hair out.

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Sounds like the broker has a conscience? @niki172 ...Ugh, the fact that you have to do that is what gets me.  All these systems are kind of broken, but I'm glad he was moved up.

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@danielledanielle it only took the broker over 4 months to grow one. Where's Jiminy Cricket when you need him?? They've known I've had issues since the first of the year after they told me that all my doctors minus one would be in network and that turned out to be false so I have to pay out of pocket to see the majority of my specialists. They claim that their hands are tied and it's not their fault that hospital and the insurance company had a falling out basically over coverage. It wasn't until my husband started having major issues that this really ramped up - they called me about 2 months ago with their attorney on the line it was so strange. As the daughter of someone that was a medical professional and ran a whole clinic by herself I know a thing or two that the average person doesn't know. I just can't WAIT for the insurance meeting that is coming up to discuss what will be offered for 2023. I'm going to have a speech and receipts prepared.

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@niki172 I am so sorry about all the family medical juggling you have been dealing with as well as your own.  This breaks my heart that you have been dealing so much personally.  I can only hope and pray that it will get better for you.  If you need us you know how to contact us either on here or IG.

 

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Thanks so much @SportyGirly125 I really appreciate it 💜. I was raised to just suck it up and move on which is why I've been kinda quite everywhere and I feel bad putting it out there but I do feel a bit better just throwing it all out to the world and not holding it in.

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@niki172 Thanks for reading and please don't apologize. There's being negative and there is recognizing how systemic forms of inequity impact our lives and naturally, sometimes these things bleed into each other. And it's important not ignore these systemic pressures. For exactly the reason you point out. They impact our health and our well being and our bodies. And it's so easy to lose sight of that, to keep pushing your body past its limits when we live in a society that glorifies this, and work for employers motivated to squeeze out every last drop.

 

I was really motivated to continue this course but I'm leaning toward just saying no. I can learn these skills on my own and hope my work speaks for itself without a shiny credential. I spent two years grinding away on a scholarship to get my professional grad degree only to watch men get hired into the exact same position at my workplace fresh out of their bachelors because they showed "potential." Ha!

 

I hear you, the last two years have been relentless and again, there really has not been any public recognition of what people have been through and are continuing to go through. Some people may be able to just move on but others need more.

 

I love your suggestion to read more books and the recommendation, thank you <333 I stopped reading during the pandemic but it's slowly come back. My current trashy summer read right now is A Certain Hunger by Chelsea G. Summers. It's about a serial killer and food critic who is a very dislikable, disagreeable character but the food descriptions and history are great ha ha. The author over-dresses the prose with all these unnecessary adjectives and clearly doesn't give a fig 😛

 

I'm not sure I'm getting through this with grace, but I really do appreciate everyone reading my words and sharing what's been helping them ❤️ Thank you for your honesty. So many of us are just muddling through, trying to keep on a brave face. I cu 🍵🍰🌻📚🌞

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@pocketvenus thanks for the book suggestion! That sounds right up my alley  - serial killers and a laze fare approach to the writing of the book lol!

 

I too have been looked over at my place of work (and even dismissed by some only to be proven correct) because I am in a heavily all-male profession. I am so sorry you are going through all these stressors - the need to show "more" to just be on equal footing because of race/gender/identity etc is a word I can't say on here but I bet you can guess at least one descriptive term I'd use 😜.

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@niki172 Yes, and even when women move up in my workplace, they are not paid as much 🙃 But yeah, keep handing out those "rising leader" awards, that's great "compensation" for the consistent differences in hard income!!

 

Glad to read your insurance broker is not a complete dud. I lived in the US so had a taste of how complicated the paperwork and costs can get. It's mind boggling, so much work for everyone, and the surprize costs can be truly nerve wracking!! I know it's hard when this is the context one finds oneself in. Keep trying to take care of yourself - as you say, autoimmune stuff is no joke! We are all rooting for you ❤️

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@pocketvenus I can relate. I am fortunate enough to have been able to remain employed through the pandemic. I feel like I have been picking up the slack where the pandemic has affected my life in different areas. I was saying yes to things. Then I had a medical emergency and it was a wake up call.

Since then I have tried saying no more and am trying to learn to be more assertive. I have tried to surround myself with positive and supportive people. I have also started going to the gym and I find that it grounds me. 

It seems to me like you are a hard worker. I hope that you can get some you time in.

 

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@Mellmars1185 I totally agree with the gym, I try to do at least 10 minutes of stretching or yoga in the morning and I think it makes a HUGE difference <333

 

It's hard for women to say no not just because we are trained to say yes, but because we are socially punished when we say no! So yes, it's important to be assertive but also, it's important for society as a whole to start putting more of these expectations on men.

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@pocketvenus Jeez, you are literally reading my mind in a good 80% of this post lately. Genuinely feeling overwhelmed and overworked. I hate complaining because compared to some people I know my job at the very least pays quite well so it feels like I should just "shut up and be happy". I too have a tendency to say yes to more things than I ever should and recently all the things I enjoyed for myself like self-care, the BIC, amongst many other hobbies have seemingly been tossed to the side while my workload is overflowing. I had to make it a point to myself to check back in here this weekend and take some me time.

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@QueenMarceline Yes, I think we can recognize so many have taken on a lot during the pandemic and we have not even had time to process everything and properly grieve 💔 Even if one has a lot of money, processing and grieving is still a basic human need, not a nice-to-have. What also makes it really hard is seeing how burdens created by the pandemic are not being shared equally, not by a long shot, but we're all being asked to put on a happy face as you say, good little workers, mothers, caregivers, what have you. Thanks for reading <333

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On Friday we had to say goodbye to my cat Wooie. It has been a hard week. Give your pets love as the time they are with us is not long enough.

 

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I am incredibly sorry for your loss.  Something tells me that Wooie knew full well that he hit the kitty lottery when he joined your family, and had the best life💗

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@Mellmars1185 ,

 

I'm also sorry for your loss.  Bless you for loving and taking care of your Wooie.  ❤️

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