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Post in Besides Beauty

Are there any good men out there?

So, I'm about to throw in the towel and accept the fact that there are only good men in television, books, and movies. Before I do, I want to throw it out there and see what you ladies have to say. Especially, if you have a good one. I'd love to read some inspirational stories of good husbands or boyfriends. I'm not feeling very optimistic right now and I know there have to be other ladies who feel the same.

Re: Are there any good men out there?

Haha, that somehow never occurred to me! Good point.

Re: Are there any good men out there?

Don't give up! 

I have a good one, he is so sweet and amazing. 

Of course we fight, over stupid crap! lol

We are not perfect, but he is wonderful. We have been married

13 years.


So please don't give up!!! I am sure you will find the right one.

It took me a lot of **bleep** to find mine. So don't worry!


Re: Are there any good men out there?

I'm 34, I've been married to a good guy for nine years. Been together for 12 years. We met in grad school, on the second day of class. I was talking with a couple of older students in my program who were going to go for a study dinner. They invited me, but I demurred, thinking I'd just be in the way. He rode up on his bicycle, and began talking to us. He was so cute in his backwards ND golf hat, and the nicely trimmed facial hair and his Russian accent that I was immediately interested. They invited him to dinner and he accepted. I promptly changed my mind and announced I'd go. He would park his bike under my window, and whenever I'd see him putting his bike away I'd grab some money and run downstairs to go get a diet coke from the vending machine in the main building of the complex, and talk to him. I developed a wicked horrible caffeine problem doing this. He eventually asked me out after a couple of months, and the rest is history. He's shy, ridiculously smart, and very mild-mannered. He is extradordinarily good for me.


He's definitely not perfect but he is crazy about me. He's stuck with me through horrible depresssion, crazy-impulsive behavior, and a ridiculous degree of commitment phobia to what I want to do with my life and myself. He has his own issues, so he understands mine. He helps ground me, in a good way, so that I have something to hold onto when things aren't going the way I think they should be in my life. He loved me when I was a depressed mess, and he loves me now that I'm stable and confident. We aren't just partners, we are friends. We are in sync, though he doesn't get my sudden beauty obsession (I think he's more amused than anything else, though relieved that I'm going to stop spending as much as I have the past few months).


Good men exist. They usually drop into your life when you aren't expecting it. Live your life, be happy and have a full and awesome life. Be someone that someone would be attracted to not just as a pretty face, but as a whole person.

Re: Are there any good men out there?

There are plenty of good men out there. Before you can find the right person you have to work on yourself though. For me, the point of being with my hubby isn't to make me feel whole, because I am still me whether we are in the same room or miles apart. He adds to my life, he is like the whipped cream and cherry on top of a bowl of my favorite icecream. I would be fine without him, but I am better with him. We are both independent people who had no idea what we were doing when we got together. But we both have utter faith in ourselves, we know we're good people who bring a lot to the party, and we know that we at our best when we are with like minded individuals who can appreciate our brand of weirdness :-)


My hubby and I have been together 12 years now, married 8, and we met online randomly back when AOL messenger was still a thing. He was surfing the 'net late at night, I was studying (or trying to study inbetween looking up old song lyrics), and he decided to IM me. Fast forward a couple of months of chatting online and a few phone calls, and we made our first date on 9/11/01 at 2 am... Six hours later the world would be forever changed, and at first we thought it was a bad omen, but then we figured we couldn't let the terrorists win. We went on our first date that weekend, and the rest is history. We've had our ups and downs, dealt with a number of situations that made us feel like "why me? why us? why now?" but we got through it all together, and we're in a better place than ever. We look forward to what the future holds, because we need more stuff to rant about while we get ready in the morning ;-)


Honestly we don't make any sense together, and yet people always tell us we're a great couple. I think what people really mean is each of us shines on our own but when we're together we augment each other's inate personalities. And I am lucky that my hubby gets cuter with age, or at least he looks cuter to me ;-) When I look at him, when I kiss him, I still get all blushy and giggly, and I can only hope to keep that feeling going for as long as humanly possible.


So hang in there, get to know yourself, never try to mold yourself into the type of person someone else wants, and become comfortable with happily being on your own.

Re: Are there any good men out there?

Haha sweets, I was just about to make a post about this. The dating life is tough now. "Since sex is so easy to get, love is harder to find" I got badly burned a couple of months ago and am finally ready to actually get back out there. Boyce Avenue's On my Way and spending some quality time with my good guy friends always gets me out of my "I hate men funk" There are good guys out there though! Just look are the men in your life - your friends, your family, coworkers. I firmly believe that if you focus on your and keep your heart open, the right person will find you. 

Re: Are there any good men out there?

"Since sex is so easy to get, love is harder to find" 


i feel that's so true

Re: Are there any good men out there?

There is plenty of good men out there. The real question you need to ask yourself is "why do I not attract good men?". Maybe you look for nice men in the wrong places or expect too much of them. First define for yourself what A good man means to you. What qualitites should he posess? What vices can you forgive? Also you need to be very realistic. If you want him young rich handsome and romantic then you need to live up to his standards as well. (Model lookin young smart etc.) Settle down for lower standards and you will find a nice guy. 

Re: Are there any good men out there?

This is good advice! You must be able to offer what you're seeking.


If you want pricey dinners and a high-flying lifestyle, can you also offer the same? If you want a CEO, are you an executive yourself?

Re: Are there any good men out there?

Agreed. Or if you dont posess certain qualities or attributes (e.g. He is rich but you're not) you need to have other assets and virtues that can compensate for that. 

Re: Are there any good men out there?

Another point that this reminds me of... the importance of having girlfriends! They help you step outside of the picture and to see things objectively. If you're acting crazy, they'll tell you. If he's being a jerk, you'll hear it from them.

Re: Are there any good men out there?

Great advice Smiley Happy

Re: Are there any good men out there?

I think my problem has been I have no standards! haha 


Seriously though a lot of you ladies are advising me to look inside and I think when it comes down to it, you're right. I need a "me" year, and if it runs into a "me" two or three years: so be it. 

Re: Are there any good men out there?

You have standards, you just don't realize it.


Would you date a murder, (a person that forces himself on women), a person that abuses children in unspeakable manners)? No? You have standards. [Sorry about the weird wording, some of the words were censored.]


Now something more realistic, would you someone that is able to get a job but refuses to? Another requirement!

Re: Are there any good men out there?

I met my husband Junior year of High School.  I literally saw him from across the gym and thought, "I need to know him."  I started pointing him out to my friends and finally found one who had a class with him.  I wrote him a note and asked her to give it to him.  He wrote me back.  Smiley Happy


We got married 3 months after we graduated.  Getting married that young, being broke, and waiting for your husband to finish growing up was not always rosy.  (Finding your  "just turned 21" husband passed out drunk on the lawn at 3 am anyone?)  15 years and 4 kids later we are happily married though!  


I guess the point of my little story is that you will likely find "the one" when you least expect it and in a place you are not looking for him.

Re: Are there any good men out there?

Can we get a big unified AWWWWWWWW for high school sweethearts?



Re: Are there any good men out there?

Stop looking! Live you life to the fullest. Be your best version of yourself that you can imagine and be happy. Happy, confident, accomplished people naturally attract others because we all find that attractive.


Consider you expectations. Sometimes your expectations of what the right guy should be stops you from meeting some really great people. Maybe the not so right guy you meet will have a best friend or a friend that is perfect for you. Don't look at every single man you meet as potentially the one. Look at them as potentially a friend and who they might know. I don't know about some of you but I can't count the number of times when I was younger that I dated a guy and wished I'd met his friend first.


Get thee to a dog park if you have a dog. Borrow a friend's dog. I meet so many nice, single guys at the dog park. You already know they love animals. I always joke with my husband that if we ever split up I'm just gonna hang at the dog park. Just in general you meet the nicest people there. Some of my best friends for life I've met at a dog park. One of my close girlfriends met her now living with boyfriend at the dog park. 


One night a week a girlfriend and I go for a drink after the dog park just to hang out and catch up. We sit outside and take the dogs. Dogs are great conversation starters. We're both attached but if we weren't we could easily meet somebody this way. Animals are a great ice breaker, they love you to pieces and make your life just so much better. Plus, if you don't meet someone nice you'll have an awesome furry friend to keep you company. Forget the man for now. Work on yourself and your own happiness. Find yourself your perfect rescue dog and hit the park. Smiley Happy

Re: Are there any good men out there?

This is great advice. It all comes down to making yourself happy. Enjoy all that's you have - friends, family, intelligence, work, etc.- and bask in that happiness. 

I was getting done with grad school and up to my ears in obligations, not even slightly interested in dating, which I had done obsessively for years. After spending a couple of years concentrating on my education I was on a group Skype with some friends and there he was... My to-be husband was visiting a mutual friend in my city and was in the background being a dork (he was play-chasing our friends dog through the house with dog toys, waving his arms like a maniac and screaming in Russian). We all went out later that week and I knew from the moment we met in person. I had always been against marriage for myself, wanting to concentrate on law and being a badass without any baggage. He altered everything I had planned and I am so glad that he did. My husband was getting ready to deploy for Iraq in 2 months and we kind of said "okay, no games" and went from there. We have been through 2 more deployments, 2 cross country moves, have 2 awesome dogs and I am working in state government and animal welfare law.  I think what I'm trying to say, again, is make yourself happy. Enjoy all that you have and don't let the schmucks get you down, they are only there to illustrate what you don't want so that once you meet a great guy you can appreciate him. Cheesy, I know Smiley Happy

Re: Are there any good men out there?

Great story. I love that you are an animal welfare lawyer. Smiley Very Happy 


Thank your hubby for his service for me please. Give him a hug. 

Re: Are there any good men out there?

My husband and I met on NYE 2002 going into 2003. We met on the dancefloor at a drum and bass night. We've been together ever since. We moved in together that May (he wanted to move in that March!). We had always talked about getting married in our late 20's, so on our anniversary going into 2009, I asked him to marry me. We split the cost of our rings down the middle; a friend of mine in Montreal designed/ made them for us. We got married at City Hall, had tacos and burritos from a taco truck and Chandon I got at a discount (sister company of Sephora). We spent our honeymoon in what is now one of our favorite places-- Bolinas (still rent the same cottage 1-2 times a year, which feels like home). We did it exactly the way we wanted, so it was perfect.


We are best friends. We make each other laugh like no one else and have a ton of inside jokes (I come up with some awesome one-liners). The spark/ physical attraction is still there.


I'm not very good at giving advice to my single friends because I've been with someone for so long. A lot of the guys here in SF are terrible, totally full of themselves (he's from Hollister). We met on the dancefloor, so I can't really understand when my friends try to find what they are looking for online. We don't text so I don't get the whole texting game (we are pretty old-fashioned; we only have a home phone...I worked in the call center for years so I have no desire to be reached via phone).


My best advice if you are looking for love-- be love. Be/ have the qualities you are looking for in the person you wish to be with. This person is a reflection of yourself. You have to be complete, to have love overflowing from you, so that it's so obvious that the right person can't help but be attracted. Easier said than done, but it's the only way!

Re: Are there any good men out there?

Aww what a nice wedding!! SF City hall is gorgeous and I'm a massive fan of food trucks. Yum.

Whimsically yours,

Re: Are there any good men out there?

Your wedding sounds absolutely perfect to me, and it sounds as if you have a wonderful relationship with your husband; being friends is so important. Good for you for asking him to marry you, too! I think I'm biased, but to me, I'd rather celebrate the relationship -- and each other -- rather than the actual wedding. I'm not judging anyone who is all about weddings, of course, but it just seems as if so many people focus on being a bride, not a wife/partner. 

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