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Post in Besides Beauty

Age differences and dating?

A friend and I were discussing age differences when it comes to dating, and I discovered we have very different opinions on the subject. My friend is in her early twenties and with a guy about a year or two younger than her; he's not exactly the most mature person, but neither is she. I am in my early twenties as well, and she told me I should NOT date a guy over 25 because it's "just gross." Not to sound rude, but I rarely find guys my age attractive. It's not a matter of appearance--okay, maybe it is sometimes--but a matter of personality. The guys I've encountered at school are rarely driven, more interested in partying, and are quite immature when it comes to the way they speak and act (especially in a classroom!).

 

My dream guys? Jack Donaghy from 30 Rock, Logan Huntzberger from Gilmore Girls, Dean Winchester from Supernatural--and for real guys (who I'll never meet haha), Seth MacFarlane, Joe Manganiello (that's just because he's a handsome man haha), Ronan Farrow, and John Corey Whaley. All, to my knowledge, are over 25--some of them considerably older than 25. My opinion is that, as long as you are both consenting adults of legal age--who cares?

 

So what're your thoughts on age differences and dating?

Re: Age differences and dating?

Agreed--a nice smile and a hello will usually help subdue the butterflies. I remember hearing something like, "Talking to your crush is like going swimming in a cold pool. You just need to take the plunge."

Re: Age differences and dating?

Honey! Who DOESNT want Logan Huntzberger. 

 

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Completely agree. Once you're both 18--do whatever you want. Glad it worked out well for you two.

Re: Age differences and dating?

Omg Smiley Very Happy That's amazing <333

Thank you for sharing Smiley Happy

Re: Age differences and dating?

Lol over 25,  what is that like 2years older!? 

I once said that I wouldn't date anyone more than 15years older but I think it's different depending the age range and level of maturity.  I dated 2 guys in HS that was a year or 2 younger and that did not work lol. I dated 5 years older and now my hubby and I are almost 12 years apart and it works better than any relationship I've been in.  To me it's all about compatibility, the longer we are together the more we find in common. 

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Haha she's 22. She also has a celeb crush on a 33 year old, but she says it's okay since he "looks younger." *shaking my head*

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Omgosh lol. I mean as long as he doesn't look like he can be your father hahaha. I say 15yrs only because I want to grow old together. And at some point something like 20 years apart is a big maturity gap. 

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Oh, Seth MacFarlane....you know how most married couples have the "One Exception"? Like, if you could....ya know, any celebrity and not get in trouble from your significant other...Seth has always been mine! haha Smiley Happy Seriously, though. He is.

 

I have never had a problem with people dating older. I think you may also be more attracted to older men because they are mature and have had more life experiences than younger guys. That does make a huge difference in someones characteristics, how they carry themselves, and most importantly: how they treat other people.

 

Your friend saying it's just gross, is her own personal opinion and I would put money on it that she and her current boyfriend probably wont be together for very long. And...there is a big chance she will date older. One year older. Two. Three. It doesn't matter. Older is older, no matter how many years in between you are. I don't see why people get all hot and bothered about ages.

If two people are connected and form a bond; whether it be love or lust, who are we to judge them on what they share together? It's a beautiful thing. 

 

My sister's husband is ten years older than she. She is 29 now, and he 39. That doesn't sound too bad, right? Well, when she was 22, and he 32 more people seemed to notice the age and not them. It's just a big numbers game to some people.

 

I say, date whomever your heart so desires. If they are the same age as you, a couple younger, a couple older, or a FEW in between whichever way! 

 

Can I also just say that if she is a good friend, she would never judge who you are attracted to, or who you are dating. UNLESS they are physically, mentally, or emotionally abusing you in any way what-so-ever and causing harm to you...that is when she can speak up about your mens. Smiley Wink

 

 

Re: Age differences and dating?

Have you heard Seth MacFarlane's jazz album? Be still my heart.

 

I completely agree with you--who are we to judge? My friends have all found happiness with younger guys--I don't care. Two of my three closest friends (among others) have told me they picture me with "an older guy." They still joke that I'm into older guys (you say Gary Oldman's attractive ONCE and suddenly you're Anna Nicole Smith). I've never dated an older guy, but I'm open to it if it happens. You're right; I'm attracted to maturity and life experiences. I don't look at a gray-haired Jack Donaghy and say, "Look at that hottie!" I hear Jack Donaghy speak and say, "Wow, he seems interesting, mature, worldly, confident, in control of his life, successful, etc." (Had to use a fictional character, since I've never met an older guy I'm interested in haha). I'm in college, and the guys at my school are very provincial, and they say thinks like "hella sick, bro." I like guys who open the door for women, and at least offer to pay for dinner.

 

I tend to keep my opinions about my friends' boyfriends to myself, unless they ask for my honest opinion (then I say, "Are you sure? You're not gonna like it") or I'm worried about them. I'm sure we all silently judge each other's mens, but hey, at least it's not said out loud Smiley Very Happy

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Over the age of 18 (lets keep everything legal) I believe it is more about maturity and compatibility, and circumstance then age.  I myself wouldn't date a 30+ but I can see myself dating someone up to the 26 mark.  Seems like a huge age difference but if that person is kind of at the same stage in their life as I am (still in school or starting out their career) then I think that contributes to compatibility.  Also I don't get along well with people my age, I just generally find I have better conversations with people older than me.  this is just my opinion.

Re: Age differences and dating?

I'm the same way; I have better conversations with people older than me. I was taking a class about a year ago, and I would talk to the professor--who was in his 50s--more than the other students. It made me a little sad to be honest.

Re: Age differences and dating?

Last week Wednesday was the first time I spoke to him. He came up to me as I was cleaning up.  I had headphones in, grooving to the music, and washing my hands. I saw someone walk up to me from the corner of my eye and it was him. He goes, "Hey Lola, I'm ****. I thought I would introduce myself.  Do you know if Roxanne (our professor who likes being called by her first name) wants us to smooth our projects or leave the blending texture on?" and I replied, " Hey. Um, I honestly don't know. You can ask her what she wants. I'm leaving it on mine for the time being but as I get further along I'm going to smooth it out." During this I'm thinking that there was something amiss because an attractive guy was talking to me and attractive guys don't normally talk to me. Then he goes, "Okay, thanks." He smiled.  "By the way, you have a piece of clay in your hair." I didn't know where it was so he removed it. I NEARLY DIED THAT MOMENT!!!!! I wasn't looking cute AT ALL. I had no makeup on except Dipbrow ( gotta have them brows on at all times) and I looking a mess. We say hi to each other when we get to class now.

 

My friends didn't believe me when I told them he was so good-looking. They thought I was just bluffing until my other friend Kris told them that he was and he's in her English 102 class. We found him on Facebook. Smiley Happy She said she would have asked him out in a heartbeat but she has a boyfriend. The others were like, "Da*n you weren't kidding!!!!!"

Re: Age differences and dating?

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

Talk to him talk to him Smiley Very Happy!

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Re: Age differences and dating?

Age has always been just a number to me. Maturity is what has always mattered over anything. I myself prefer guys older than me. 4 year difference would be the max. Though dating guys around my age range is not so much fun since majority of them don't want commitment (and if they do, you are a lucky duckling)... I'm turning 19 soon and all the guys seem to love partying, girlS (see how I capitalized the 's'?), etc. I'm not into that, I don't like dating around.

Re: Age differences and dating?

lol about the S.

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I am 27, and would probably only date the same age or older. 

 

My current boyfriend (hopefully fiance sometime soon) and I have been together for 2.5 years. He is 10 years older, but our energy levels are very similar: we are both homebodies.

 

He is finally ready to settle down now. If I dated younger men, I would be worried if they were ready to settle down or if they had started their career. 

 

The only rub is that my boyfriend did all of his world traveling and fun things 10 years ago when he was my age, and now doesn't really want to travel. 

Re: Age differences and dating?

Oh, I hope it happens for you and your fella! Sending positive energy to you. Smiley Happy

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Thanks, kssweetheart!! I have never wanted to be proposed to before, but I finally found the one that I want to propose. It just feels right with this one. My parents are divorced, so I hope it works out for us. Smiley Happy

Re: Age differences and dating?

This! I'm also 27 and dating a guy 10 years older than me. We have lots in common and love spending time together but with some things I'm interested in, I feel like he's already "been there, done that" and doesn't want to do it again. This is especially true when it comes to going out or traveling to certain places.

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I know, right?! This is one of the only issues I have with him. We have been together for 2.5 years, and only recently went on our first trip together: an overnight trip to San Diego. 

 

I want to honeymoon in Europe because I have always wanted to go. He has absolutely no interest in Europe...what?! He would like to go to Hawaii because it's close. (We have both visited Hawaii several times.) Don't get me wrong, I love Hawaii. But if this is my one chance to go on a trip to Europe, I want to take it. 

 

Sometimes I'm surprised that a guy 10 years older than me and I would have anything in common. We also watch the same shows. 

 

Some things I'm glad he got out of his system years ago before I met him, like smoking. But somethings I feel like I missed out on. He traveled all around Asia, Hawaii and different states in the U.S. with his friends. And now he just wants to stay home and play video games and watch tv (he has a very stressful career.)

 

When we hopefully start having kids, he will probably be around 40. Luckily, he is in pretty good shape and doesn't look 37 (he looks about 30). 

 

Good luck, bisoubisou!

Re: Age differences and dating?

Seems like we're in a very similar situation. I used to feel like I was missing out all the time too until I decided (recently) that whenever I wanted to do something fun that he doesn't want to do, I would just go with my girlfriends. The funny thing is I think it's making him a little jealous as I'm not spending as much time with him. That wouldn't be an issue if he just went out with me to see Snow White and the Huntsman like I asked him too! Anyway, all the best to you too Smiley Happy

 

Re: Age differences and dating?

I'm with you, I always dated older guy, I just didn't find a ton of guys closer to my age that were that attractive, interesting etc. to me. Dated a guy a year younger once, huge flop - he was still in college and I was working full time, it just didn't work for me, longer story there. That doesn't mean that I would Never date anyone my age, if I found someone closer to my age that I liked, I'd give it a whirl.

 

Having said that, everyone's different, if your friend likes guys closer to her age then that's great - At least you won't be attracted to the same guys!! Look at it that way, they'll be no competition between you. One of my best friends went out with a guy who was maybe 3 years younger and another group of friends were really giving her a terrible time and she was going to stop seeing him,  I encouraged her to go with it because she liked him - One engagement ring, one wedding band & three kids later, they're happy as anything. Another friend didn't want to go out with a guy who had a mustache and it was sooo tiny - they're happily married with children as well. So, you never can tell.

 

I look at it this way, it's so incredibly difficult to find a great guy and if you limit the 'pool' by saying I won't date anybody who is more than a year younger or a year older than I am - period- the end. It's hard enough without eliminating 96% of the male population right off the bat like that. I think you need to be open and go with the flow.

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As others have said, a lot of it depends on your maturity and that of the person you are interested in. Personally, I have been through a lot and taken on lots of responsibilities that most 23 year olds never have to worry about, so I can connect more easily with someone older. I feel like they understand me better and can give me advice on life from their perspective of having already been through their twenties. Not only do men close to my age tend to be immature, they are still figuring out their life, just like I am, which makes having something long-term difficult. 

 

Go with what works for you! Give someone a chance based on the connection you feel with them, not based on how old they are Smiley Happy

Re: Age differences and dating?

I feel the same and agree 100%

Re: Age differences and dating?

I'm 23, and I think...its your preference sweetie. Me, well I always dated someone younger than me. Idk I liked being the "older one" and them making me feel younger. But now I can barley find someone of mature level than me. They always party and sleep with random strangers. But it's weird when I do find someone...I find out that they are younger....Idk maybe I'm a magnet towards that group. Right now I'm trying to aim to the 21-25 range....but if not, as long as they are legal I don't really care.

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