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Age differences and dating?

A friend and I were discussing age differences when it comes to dating, and I discovered we have very different opinions on the subject. My friend is in her early twenties and with a guy about a year or two younger than her; he's not exactly the most mature person, but neither is she. I am in my early twenties as well, and she told me I should NOT date a guy over 25 because it's "just gross." Not to sound rude, but I rarely find guys my age attractive. It's not a matter of appearance--okay, maybe it is sometimes--but a matter of personality. The guys I've encountered at school are rarely driven, more interested in partying, and are quite immature when it comes to the way they speak and act (especially in a classroom!).

 

My dream guys? Jack Donaghy from 30 Rock, Logan Huntzberger from Gilmore Girls, Dean Winchester from Supernatural--and for real guys (who I'll never meet haha), Seth MacFarlane, Joe Manganiello (that's just because he's a handsome man haha), Ronan Farrow, and John Corey Whaley. All, to my knowledge, are over 25--some of them considerably older than 25. My opinion is that, as long as you are both consenting adults of legal age--who cares?

 

So what're your thoughts on age differences and dating?

Re: Age differences and dating?

I'd hate for you to put an age limit in place and miss the guy of your dreams because he's considerably younger or older than you are.  Age is just a number.  It's all the deeper things like core values and compatibility that matter.

Re: Age differences and dating?

The younger the person involved, the bigger the age difference makes.  A few years isn't really ever a big deal and 10,15,20 years might not be either but it depends on the circumstances. 30 and 45? Most people wouldn't see anything wrong with that 15 year difference, but if you make it an 18 year old and a 33 year-old it'll be more of an issue.

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Totally agree.

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Yes. That's exactly how I feel.

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Absolutely agree.

Re: Age differences and dating?

THIS- exactly. When I was dating my hubby in high school (he's is just under 2 years younger than me), I heard it from everyone about it was a waste of time because "he's too young and it wont work". We've been together 10 years now and I'm in my late 20's... and you know what? Its NBD Smiley Happy

Re: Age differences and dating?

I remember when I was in college (18-22 age) I used to think anything over 25 seemed old as well. Now that I'm 25 I would say anything goes. Men take longer to mature so I can see why an older man would appeal haha. My husband is 26 and he's still a little immature hehe.

 

My mom met my Dad when she was 25 and he was 41... I was born when he was 46... to each their own lol. I do think younger girls should be careful with older guys. I feel a lot more responsible for myself now than I did when I was 20.

Re: Age differences and dating?

I don't think age really matters, like you said as long as you are both consenting adults. That being said, I don't find myself being attracted to younger guys. In my opinion, guys your age are immature enough that you don't need one who is younger. But, I have had guy friends who are a year or two younger than me and have a pretty level head. So I guess you can't always really judge someone by their age. 

 

Re: Age differences and dating?

Completely agree! I had a brief crush on a guy 4 years younger (he was 18 at the time)--then I got to know him. He ended up dating someone who was older than me.

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My mom is 20 years younger than my step-dad. I have a nephew who is 5 years older than me. Age is more a state of mind and personality than anything else in my opinion, physical age doesn't matter if your mental ages are similar.

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That's what I like about the show Modern Family--even though Gloria is younger than Jay's daughter, I can't imagine them without each other. Age isn't a deciding factor for me, as long as the person is over 20.

Re: Age differences and dating?

Age is truly just a number. Personalities, life goals and maturity levels are more important. My husband is 20 years older than me, I understand that such a large age gap wouldn't work for everybody but it works perfectly for us. The most frequent question I got about our relationship in the beginning was how my parents reacted. They honestly never thought I would marry someone my age I've always been an "old soul", they absolutely adore him especially after seeing what an amazing husband and father he is. 

 

Frankly it sounds like dating someone over 25 wouldn't work for your friend because of her maturity level. But if you find older men more attractive and mentally stimulating go for it. You might meet the man of your dreams, I did Smiley Happy

Re: Age differences and dating?

I'm in my early 20s, and I've had multiple people tell me they imagine me with an "older guy." I'm not sure just how old they mean, but I tend to agree with them. My three closest friends are all with guys who are younger than them, and it works for them--I know that, for me, it probably wouldn't.

 

Oddly enough, my friend has celeb-crushes on guys who are over 25. I pointed that out to her, and she said, "But they look young." Because looks are what it's all about *rolls eyes*

Re: Age differences and dating?

I don't think age difference matters much once the youngest partner is out of their early 20s. Mainly because you go through so many changes doing that period and their is so much growing. I do find the it odd to see a 18 year old with 35+ year old. Especially strange when the 18 year old is still living at home... I always wonder what in the world they have in common but to each their own.

 

I think as long as both partners don't make a big deal out of it and don't let others judgment affect their relationship it can work out. My parents are 12 years apart. My mum was 29, when she met my dad. They have one of the strongest marriages I have ever seen. The age difference never had a huge impact on their relationship. It really just depends on the individuals.

 

I'm currently interested in a guy that's 11 year older than me. The age doesn't bother me as much as his reputation as quite the ladies man. Hhaha. So, I will admire him from afar.

 

Also, two words: GEORGE CLOONEY.

Re: Age differences and dating?

Two more words: BRAD PITT.

 

Another two words: ALEC BALDWIN.

 

Also: HUGH JACKMAN.

 

And: JOHNNY DEPP.

 

Oh, and we can't forget: HUGH LAURIE.

 

I'm starting to worry about my preferences for men...

Re: Age differences and dating?

I had dreams about how much I missed my boyfriend Hugh Laurie when House went off the air.  Literally, whole dreams about missing Hugh and crying over our breakup.

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When I learned that Alec Baldwin is nothing like Jack Donaghy, I had a moment of silence for my fallen fictional boyfriend. RIP my dream of meeting Alec Baldwin and realizing he's just like Jack. You shall be missed.

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I date a lot, and I've had dates with guys 21 and 41 in the same week Smiley Happy.  Let me just say, the date with the 21 year old went much better (he got a second date!).  I'm 32 by the way.

 

I think an age difference can be lots of fun, and definitely not gross (that just goes tos how someone's maturity level who would say that lol).

 

Now that I'm a bit more mature myself, I'm much more open to older men.  And younger Smiley Happy.  Though generally, my expectations are a bit different for different age groups... then again, respect/care/reliable/trustworthy/intelligent/openminded/interesting doesn't change!

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I always joke with my friends that now, in my 20s, I go for the older guys--but one day, when I'm a bit older, I'm going to be a cougar Smiley Very Happy

 

If you don't mind me asking, what were the biggest differences you noticed between the 21 year old and the 41 year old? As someone who is usually only around young guys (22 and under) and yet has a bit of a liking for an older man, I'm curious Smiley Happy

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I vascilate between cougar and enjoying older guys - now that I am more mature myself Smiley Happy.

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If I wasn't married; I imagine I would have many similarities as you in my dating world. Smiley Wink Again...IF I was single.

 

 

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Remember on Sex and the City when Samantha dated Smith? Yeah, that's how I'm gonna be when I'm her age.

Re: Age differences and dating?

I should also say that again, my expectations are different with younger guys (though that's probably not fair) most of the time -- at my age with my own life and other things going on, I am more open to relationships of lesser commitment, at least early on.  So I am ok with going on a few dates with a 21 year old guy and enjoying that for what it is (and who knows he may be a diamond in the rough!).  That would be harder if I was looking only for a life partner, or at that stage in my life.

 

And to answer your question specifically, let's see... First, they were both anomalies for their ages in some ways.  So they probably aren't good test subjects.  But anyway - the older guy was nervous, really rambled on during the date, could barely make eye contact.  Maybe I am just super intimidating Smiley Wink.  This particular 21 year old was secure, confident, relaxed, flirty, teasing.  He was still young, but he knew himself and was confident enough to say, brush hands with me, make some cute extended eye contact, etc.  The older guy could barely get a coherent sentence out, sigh, tension via flirting was out of the question.  Not that that sort of tension is everything, but one hopes for a *little" chemistry between the awkwardness of a first date.

 

Minirant: I've also had guys of all ages cancel last minute, and no show.  That is my biggest dating complaint.  Though I guess if they can't bother to show up, good riddance early on, rather know now!

Re: Age differences and dating?

The 41 year old sounds like a 22 year old I went out with. I have never seen such a nervous, twitchy human being. I would be sitting on a couch and he'd be on a nearby chair--next thing, he'd be leaping out of his seat and landing with a bounce on the couch next to me. Then he'd get so close to me that my eyes would cross. Glad that didn't last!

 

Does that 21 year old you went out with have a brother per chance? Smiley Wink

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