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Post in Besides Beauty

3 more weeks



I've been pretty much on the couch for the past 2, nearly three weeks with only two days I felt good enough to venture into the outside world and get some errands done.  Other than that, I'm sick on the couch with constant nausea still, although sometimes it's just in the evening (TODAY is NOT one of those days).  Promethazine doesn't work.  Soda, however, does work.  Unfortunately, you don't want to drink too much, for obvious reasons.  Water doesn't really help, unless it's ice water.  And now I've got another new symptom, one that I wish had decided NOT to show up this time...insomnia.


I haven't gotten much sleep thanks to that, and when I do, it's screwing with my sleeping patterns.  Napping during the day may help me recover some sleep, but doesn't necessarily make up for it.  I've lost count how many days Dan has worked from home so far due to this. 


And I still have THREE MORE WEEKS of this.  At least.  Please God, don't make me have this the whole time!  The overbearing, manipulative MIL that thinks she's going to be in the delivery room and there as soon as the baby's born is BAD ENOUGH.  Dan and my mom will be in the delivery room.  That's IT.  His mom doesn't like that idea because it's not fair.  His mom makes my blood pressure rise.  She also thinks we're going to call as soon as I'm in labor so they can come wait in the waiting room, putting more pressure on me and make me feel uncomfortable.  NOT HAPPENING.  We'll call after the baby's born, any potential complications taken care of, and we've bonded with the baby.  Then we'll call them and tell them when they can visit.  Same with my family.  I WILL tell the nurses not to let anyone in otherwise.  Phones are there for a reason.  Call and ASK...they didn't do this last time when I had the two surgeries, blood transfusions, and came in unannounced, when all I wanted to do was recover and tell them to leave me the hell alone.


Also, who the hell does she think she is that my husband would disregard our wishes and call to tell her anyway?  He's going to be kinda busy with, I don't know, helping me labor?  And if she tries to tell me what to eat and what not to eat, I'm going to scream. 

Re: 3 more weeks

Hi waterbaby1981,


Oh no! I'm sorry you are feeling so badly. Smiley Sad Hopefully you will be feeling better soon and able to be up and moving around a bit more. I can definitely see how a "meddling" family member can add more stress. I think the last thing you need right now and during your pregnancy (and labor!) is any stress or unnecessary problems. If you've already told Dan how you feel and that you would be much more relaxed and calm without your mother in law there then I think its perfectly fine and okay if you don't have her in the delivery room. It's your child and body so you can do what you want! Smiley Happy She needs to have some sort of boundary if it is that upsetting and aggravating to you! Definitely have the nurses block calls, or see if you can have an "outgoing only" phone line so the phone won't be ringing nonstop, but you can make calls if you need it! Hahah that's how I treat my own cell phone.. LOL.


I wish you lots of feeling better days and hopefully you can get some sleep! Are you allowed to drink any teas (caffeine free ones like chamomile etc.) while you are pregnant? Those usually help me to sleep better, that or a boring book.. A good book will keep me up even more when I have insomnia, but a boring one will just knock me out! Regardless, I hope things shape up and turn around for you soon! We all wish you the best!

Luv&Lipgloss, Diana

Re: 3 more weeks

@dianabt - you are so sweet, your posts are always so considerate and on point. You really seem like a special gal. I think your friends must be lucky to have a friend like you. Smiley Happy

Re: 3 more weeks

Honestly, I was having terrible menstrual cramps today and nauseated, but reading your post made me feel better.


Conflicts with MIL is just something you have to accept. My parents have been married for  25 yrs and been through a lot. They still get into huge fights about my grandma on my dad's side, who in addition to think she's in charge of my dad and mom's life decisions, also gave my favorite toys to my cousin without telling me because she think I'm too old for them (I was depressed when I "lost" them, but found them couple years later abandoned on the window sill outside with layer of dust and dirt in my favorite barbie's hair), and cooked my pet bunny when I was little (yes you read that right, and all I got was a "respect your elders!" scolding when I was angry enough to yell at her.) I'm 24 now and I'll never like her because of it no matter how much stuff she buys me or compliment me. However, she's my grandma, so I just smile and act polite and try to talk to her as least as possible (and, lock up my room when she's visiting).


If it helps to improve your mood, think of how absolutely adorable your little baby is going to be after 3 weeks. Caffine puts me to sleep, but it might be good if you eat some food or have some milk to help you sleep. It also helps to clear your thoughts, and consciously relax every part of your body and even your breathing. You can do it! Considering how my cramps are so bad that I can't move my legs, I'm absolutely terrified about pregnancy.

Re: 3 more weeks

OK beautytester.....Hold the freakin' phone!!! (excuse my language please, I'm sure you've said, or wanted to say, worse) Your dear, sweet, lovable Grandma boiled your pet bunny rabbit???? I read that like 5 times! I still can't believe it! (I mean I DO believe it - but I CAN'T believe it!) I know you were only maybe.... In Utero when the movie Fatal Attraction came out (some of which was filmed in my hometown - nearly died when I was in the movie theatre and saw my very own street up on that big screen! We didn't realize they had filmed there) But I got that scary, crazy mental picture in my head of that nut-job (that Michael Douglas' character had an affair with -Glenn Close character) boiling MD's Little girls rabbit in a ginormous pot on their very own stove!! That was a horrible mental image, and that was of some psychopathic stranger boiling the bunny, not your very own GRANDMOTHER! What the heck was that about??? We all have traumatic childhood memories but that, my friend, takes the cake -it's insanity! Can I ask how you found out that she did that? whole life feels a whole lot better right about now, I'm just sorry it had to come at your expense. I'm TRULY so sorry that happened to you, it's just horrifying, I can't even imagine that. Smiley Sad - (there is not a smiley face sad enough for this)


I remember how upset I was when my mom gave away my favorite coat, it was a soft, beautiful almost shimmery red coat, with white furry trim and a white fur hand **bleep** (back when that was still acceptable) I was only about 5 years old and I remember it like it was yesterday, I can actually still feel the way it felt to the touch. She gave it to a family friend whos daughter was a total little brat, I was so mad.


Luckily, I have all good memories of my grandmothers (I never knew either of my grandfathers) Once I was older and my grandmother had passed away my mom did start to open up about some of the hell she went through with my grandmother, there were some funny stories too and my mom is great about laughing about it Glad I didn't know any of that then.


One of my favorite stories is from my teenage years, my grandmother always had Sunday dinner with us and always had a glass of Manaschevitz wine (don't know if I spelled that right) anyhow,it's basically grape juice. After the first glass my grandmother asked for a second one, which she NEVER did, and there was no more left. My mother hadn't made it to the Liquor store during the week and none were open on Sunday. She knew she would never, ever hear the end of it if she admitted there was no more left so she mixed up some frozen from concentrate grape juice, Thank God she had that. Well my Grandma had 2 more glasses and was so totally WASTED!!! She was beyond drunk, she couldn't stop giggling and commenting on how delish the grape juice...err.....umm....I delish the Wine was and that it got her so tipsy. It is a story we all relish and re-tell frequently. The mind is a powerful thing!!


I also thought your third paragraph was incredibly sweet, you're a doll. I'm also having a lot of 'female issues' (need to have tests done, have had some, don't want any more done -& you didn't know you'd be getting some 'wine' along with this post) and my "Aunt Flo" is just out of control.(overshare? sorry.) Try not to worry too much about future pregnancy. I'm not trying to discount or make light of anything that any pregnant woman goes through at all, I can't stress that enough...but if it was all always that horrific we would all be only children. I truly do not want to offend anyone with that comment, hope I was diplomatic enough. Anywho, try not to worry about that stuff yet, there will be plenty of time left to worry when you get there. The other good thing I took away from your post is that I am certain you will be a much better, more considerate Grandmother than the one you have. Sometimes they just don't realize what they do and how things effect us. I hope you'll be able to make some happier memories in the future.


Hope you made it through all of this. Hope you enjoyed it and maybe got a chuckle. I thought your words of encouragement for waterbaby1981 were really sweet.Smiley Happy I'll hope & pray for more good times with your granny.


Re: 3 more weeks

@kssweetheart. Well, regarding the pet rabbit. My parents were away on jobs in a different city, so my grandma was looking after me. I was probably...9? anyways, I had 2 fluffy white bunnies that we kept on the balcony because they literally chew up everything. One day when I was playing with them, my grandmother said oh they look fully grown, probably good to eat about now, we should cook them. I looked at her straight in the eye and said "NO! If you want to eat rabbit meat, buy your own rabbit and cook them. You do NOT cook MY bunnies. ok? they are mine and you will never ever cook them." She shrugged and said ok. The second day before going to school, I said "don't touch my bunnies ok? don't cook them." she said "ok". That day when I came back from school and opened the door, there it was, 2 rabbit furs drying on the shoe rack and smell of meat stock/soup in the house. I looked at her in disbelieve and she just looked at me and said "this taste pretty good, you want to try some?" I was beyond mad and didn't want to talk to her. Of course, I got a scolding about respecting your elders when I yelled at her, and she basically said "what's the big deal? I'll just buy you another one." That is not the point, but there's no way she'll understand. I know she grew up in the countryside so killing/cooking animal/meat is nothing, but you do NOT cooke SOMEBODY ELSE'S PET!!! That was a one time thing, but she used to frequently take my stuff because I'm too old for them and it's such a waste not to give them to my cousins. Fortunately my parents and I moved to America, so I have to do now is just wish her a Happy Chinese New Year for 3min every year and lock my room when they visit my parents.


Fortunately, my grandma on my mother's side is the opposite. She always buy/make/give me stuff and always side with me in arguments. So, in the end I guess it evens out. One's nice, one's bad. One give me stuff, one take away stuff. One that let me do everything, one that does everything against my wish. It evens out....


I hate feminine issues. I'm an engineer and work in 80% male environment, so when I have to take a day off cuz I'm nausuated, breaking out in cold sweat constantly and can't move my leg because of the pain, I can't exactly say "sorry guys, menstrual cramps!" so sometimes they were like "you are sick? but you don't look sick." and I'm like "........don't ask and don't talk to me...." And of course, it have to happen at most in-opportune times like interview or exams, at which point I curse the fact I'm a woman and wonder why the hell does women have to go through all these and guys have it so easy etc etc.

Re: 3 more weeks

@Beautytester OMG I can sort of feel your pain with the bunny story.. I got VERY sick when I was 13 and had to be in the hospital for a week..My pet bunny named Buster had died while I was gone. Smiley Sad My dad came home and said he was laying on the carpet dead (He didn't live in a cage, but roamed the house and used a litter box like a cat). Instead of waiting and burying him..HE WRAPPED HIM IN NEWSPAPER AND THREW HIM IN THE GARBAGE CHUTE. I was devastated. Not only was I sick but my bunny got thrown into the apartment building garbage bin. ughhhh.. my dad just has different feelings and thinking about things, maybe from not growing up in the US but he has stories of having baby chicks he'd buy as a pet then his mom would cook it for dinner when it was fully grown. =/ 


@Kssweetheart why thank you! Smiley Happy I know how frustrating things in life can be and I always try my best to make people feel better, whether it's with words or some makeup tips to brighten up a day. Smiley Happy That's so kind of you to say, I really appreciate that! It helps that you lovely ladies on this board are so kind and supportive of one another! You all really make this a wonderful community. 

Luv&Lipgloss, Diana

Re: 3 more weeks

@dianabt - Oh my stars. That's so wrong. Especially at such a young age. I'd like to say think of it as cremation (I hope that doesn't sound terrible...I hope not) but.... cremation or burial is a choice you should have made. You should have been able to say goodbye, have a little ceremony for Buster. It's amazing how things that happened so long ago can feel like they just happened days ago.Buster probably went to sleep and just didn't wake up, I'm sure he never knew/felt a thing. But that is amazing that he was litter box trained, how awesome was that?! I do think upbringing makes a huge difference in matters like this re your dad's actions.


My sister-in-law is from Poland and came here as a toddler. She has always had issues with her parents, they think, feel and act so differently. They just don't process things the same way. I wonder if  **beautytester** feels the same thing applies to her 'other' grandmother.


You're welcome, you really seem like a kind soul, that really comes across in your posts- even though I'm really new to this and don't really 'know' you, it just seems that way to me. Everything I've read makes me think you really are a Glass Half Full type of person who likes to give people the benefit of the doubt. I think you do make people happy and I agree that this is a great community. We Rock!!!!!

Re: 3 more weeks

kssweetheart: again, thanks for thinking about me and the well wishes from everyone.  It makes me feel a lot better to know someone's thinking of me. 


Honestly, I just thought of this twenty minutes ago, but I know what my issue with my MIL is.  I don't trust her.  I can tolerate her, she's nice enough, but I don't trust her.  When we found out we were pregnant with Alyssa, we were excited.  She told the whole church.  When his brother and our SIL were pregnant the first time, she told the entire church.  They suffered a miscarriage.  (She was telling people before any of us were out of the first trimester, BTW.)


Their family showed up unannounced after I'd had two surgeries in three days, six blood transfusions, and had catheters in.  I wanted to sleep, rest and recover.  They didn't call or anything, just showed up.  And no, calling from your cell phone when you're already on your way over is NOT okay (she's done this frequently.  Not so much since I put my foot down on that a couple of years ago.  Don't appreciate it when it's late at night and we're in pajamas).  Neither is leaving things on our front porch when no one is home because you don't want it or assume we do.


We wanted a private family service when Alyssa passed away.  She told the whole church where and when, against our wishes.  My MOM wasn't happy about that either, or the unannounced visit at the hospital in November 2010.  When I mentioned it on the phone with my mom last night, she even said that was strange not to call at all and just show up, not to mention rude.


Our wedding in 2006?  She wanted to invite her friends. 


Seeing a pattern here yet? 


It'd be great if Dan would actually, I don't know, STAND UP to his mom and defend me here.  He doesn't.  Other than that, he's very supportive.  I just wish he'd tell his mother to back off and knock it off already.  I haven't even HAD this baby yet and I already don't want to let her babysit because she'll probably try to feed the baby whatever she wants (seriously, they don't need sweets at that age, plus obesity is an epidemic in this country, not to mention diabetes and heart disease, plus high cholesterol run in my family) and try to tell us how to raise our child, which will NOT be appreciated.


So, long story short?  I don't trust her.  That's the main problem.


And beautytester:  I cannot believe your grandma DID THAT!!!  Pet means the same in any language or country, regardless of culture.  That's horrible.  I would never speak to a family member again if they did that.  (My MIL told us to just put one of my cats down after Gizmo ate a ton of my rubber bands for my hair and needed surgery for it.  You can guess what I told her.  A pet is considered a family member in my family.  Best $2500 I ever spent, even though she now jumps on my stomach in the morning because she wants to be fed.  Never mind the fact DAN is the one feeding them and changing litter lately.)

Re: 3 more weeks

lol, yeah. Sorry for going off topic.


"It'd be great if Dan would actually, I don't know, STAND UP to his mom and defend me here."

That is actually the exact complaint my mom had about my dad and his mother. I think it's just one of those things where the men grew up with a bossy/controlling mom so they just find it easier and more peaceful to let them do whatever they want and leave rather than standing up to them. Because in the end, one women raise him up to be who he is, and the other is the one who he chose to spend his life with, so it's like stuck between a rock and a hard place for him....which doesn't really help, because grandma is obviously more receptive to my dad's feedback than my mom's. The grandma on my dad side had 3 boys and no girls, the family was poor and my dad/uncle were very naughty when they were little, so she doesn't really know how to deal with daughter or granddaughters I suppose. It doesn't make me like her, but it does help me keep my temper down when I have to talk to her.


Oh man, I wish I know you personally so I can play with your baby. I babysitted my 4 cousins from newborn to toddler and aside from cleaning/changing diaper/poop on the floor, I've done everything else for them. I still remember when I babysit my 1st cousin before he learned how to walk. I wasn't paying attention and he fell out of bed with a loud thump on his head. I got a mild scolding from my aunt but I was mostly terrified because I was afraid he's going to be injured for life cuz of me. Anyways, turns out kids generally are pretty healthy and grow up well if you just try your best, despite the occasional explosive crying at 4am or in public. But of course, I'm speaking from a cousin/sister point of view and not as a mother.

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