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Post in Besides Beauty

Well.. I'm back, I think.

Since January, everything has been a very heavy burden, my grandma's health declined so I was not at liberty to go out to even go grocery shop because I was the one that had to help my grandma stand up, I didn't mind. Unfortunately, she passed away this February 15 at 8:43 PM in her home, surrounded by loved ones. Needless to say that everyone in our family feels a gap in their heart, but being how I was the one that lived with her since I was a baby, I grew up with her, I took care of her.. I feel like I lost my second mother and grandmother. At times before her death I was at peace, other times too depressed to even get up. 

I almost didn't go to her funeral, I feared I could not take it, I almost couldn't, but I stayed strong enough to be able to go through it. 

We buried her in Mexico, where she was born, where she grew, where she lived, her beautiful home town, where she helped the less fortunate, where she helped anybody, everybody.. everyone loved her. You should've seen the street the other day, we showed her pictures, recorded videos, and audio of her voice.. not only did we cry, but we laughed as well-the street was packed. Almost our entire family went down there which is around 65+. 

Yesterday we finally put her in her last residing resting place, with my grandfather and her brother. My beloved grandmother, I will always have her in my heart, I will always feel her presence, and that wisdom and patience she had I will try to imitate. For she was truly one of a kind, a beautiful soul that put everyone before her, without as much as a single negative word, nor negative phrase - you'd never hear her say anything that wasn't positive. 

I am sorry to have to be writing this here but unfortunately, even though I lived with her all my life and would've loved to say something at her funeral, my cousin from Dallas (she's a nice lady) took over the funeral program and it was mainly people from Dallas that were included and my cousin and I (my cousin who also grew up close with me) were excluded. I regret that, that is what I regret, I felt left out in a day where we celebrated my grandmother and her life. 

Re: Well.. I'm back, I think.

Aww I just saw this @Blackwhiskey.  I am very sorry to hear this. My deepest sympathies to you and your family.  I know it hurts that you weren't able to speak at her funeral but she knows how much you loved her and love her still. Heart

Re: Well.. I'm back, I think.

@Blackwhiskey I just saw this post.  I cannot tell you how sorry I am to hear of the loss of your beloved grandmother.  She was a beautiful and special woman (that smile and that gorgeous hair!) and I am sure she appreciated you so very much for all the sacrifices you made for her.  Continue to celebrate her life with the same kindness and love toward others that you learned from her.  

 

I am sorry to hear that you were excluded from speaking at the funeral - that is often a problem in large families.  Fortunately, you were able to tell her personally every day how much you loved her, which is really, really special.  Hugs to you.  ❤️

Re: Well.. I'm back, I think.

I am so sorry for your loss. We all know how much you love her and you will continue to love her. She will live in your heart and I know that you will cherish the many memories that you have of her.

 

Please don't feel a sense of regret for not speaking. You celebrated her your whole life and will continue to do so.

 

::Hugs:: 

 

Image result for sailor moon hug

Re: Well.. I'm back, I think.

@Blackwhiskey  I am so sorry to hear of your loss.  You honored your grandmother with your devotion and love while she was aware of it, and I'm happy for you that you did so that you won't have any regrets that you could have done more. 

I can only hope that your cousin was trying to be kind and assuming (never a good thing,) that it would be too difficult for you to participate in the funeral because you were so close to your grandmother.  Extended family events seem to bring out the best, and the beast, in people.

This is making me cry, thinking of mine.  Grandmothers seem to just love, without expecting anything back.  Everyone should have that kind of support in their life; it sounds like she gave that to you.

Re: Well.. I'm back, I think.

@Blackwhiskey, I'm am so so so so sorry to hear this and am sending much love and hugs your way.

 

Although I didn't live as close with my grandma as I would have liked, I really valued the time I had with her and it hurt me deeply when she passed away since I felt like I had a special connection with her. I struggled with her passing for a couple of years and I think that it was probably the worst thing I've ever had to go through. I have to say it did help me grow though and I'm grateful for that.

 

I am happy to hear that you were able to be with your grandma throughout her life and were able to spend some of her last moments together. I'm sure you'll continue to pass on her loving and giving attitude. It's a hard thing to go through, but I'm sure your grandma is watching over you and will be there with you through everything. 🙂  

XOXO,
Marieke

Re: Well.. I'm back, I think.

Awwww, I am truly sorry to hear.  My grandma passed away just before my son was born and it still breaks my heart that I couldn't attend her funeral or that she didn't meet Zim.

 

Your grandma knew you loved her- you don't need to tell a bunch of people at a funeral how much you loved her for it to be heard.  She knew through your actions and she took that with her.     

 

Take care of yourself love, and maybe create a piece of art in her memory.  You're a wonderful artist and it could be therapeutic.  Hugs:) 

Re: Well.. I'm back, I think.

@Blackwhiskey I'm so very sorry to hear of your grandmother's passing. I was extremely close to my grandma too, and I understand the hole that is left when they're gone. My grandma also helped raise me for many years. It really is like losing a second mother to me. My mother passed on Feb 12th, my grandma five years later on Feb 13th. So Feb is a really crappy month for me. 

 

Please try to not feel bad about not speaking at her funeral. I agree with what @EvangelineDamon said below, about people crying the loudest. What matters is that your grandma already knew how you felt. You showed her love and compassion on a daily basis. And you made sacrifices for her, because that's what we do for family. You didn't need to say a word. She saw it in your heart every single day. 

 

I'm sending you a huge hug and I truly know her loved ones were waiting for her on the other side. And she's still here with you, always. I talk to my mom and my grandma all the time LOL! Especially when I'm out shopping and I see something they would love! People look at me like I'm nuts but I don't care. I'm thinking of you and wishing you peace of mind. Xoxo

Re: Well.. I'm back, I think.

All my love to you, Blackwhiskey!

 

I'm sure the services held showed nothing but an out-pour that just validated how great your grandmother was and how much she meant to so many people. 

 

While you may feel regret for not speaking at her funeral, take comfort in all those moments you got to speak to her while at her side as she raised you and ultimately in the time where you were caring for her. Even though she has passed, any time you feel like speaking to her, do so. Whether it's writing in a journal or just speaking aloud, whatever you have to say, express it. 

 

The funeral itself and the services are the formal celebration, but don't limit yourself to just those occasions to celebrate her life and spirit.

 

*hugs hugs hugs*

Re: Well.. I'm back, I think.

thank you, i feel more at ease now.. i feel like her spirit is with me and is calming my tormented soul. 

Re: Well.. I'm back, I think.

There certainly will be ups and downs, but never forget that with her raising you and the time yall spent together means part of her is in you and that's not something that just goes away. Find strength and solace in the fact that she's gone into making you the awesome person that you are. 🙂

Re: Well.. I'm back, I think.

@Blackwhiskey 

I'm so very sorry to read of her passing.

She was a remarkable, strong woman who will be greatly missed & never forgotten.

Your love for her was evident in everything you did for her & your mom starting at a young age. You made sacrifices to be with them & help them out in every way that you could. Not everybody would do that, BW. Especially at your age.

I'm sorry that her body has now left this earth. But her soul, my dear, her soul will continue to live on within you & your memories of her.

She's now with her loved ones who passed on before & they all have their peace.

 

You were important to her and its unfortunate and inconsiderate for your aunt to have excluded you considering all you had done, but you know what your relationship meant to your grandma. You did all for her while she was living that you could. I'm sorry you felt left out thought. I'm also pretty sure that you were closer to her than any of those in the funeral. Sometimes the people who cry the loudest are not always the ones most broken hearted, if you catch my drift?

 

I am glad to read you will be using your artistry in makeup to become your outlet for your grief. I hope it helps with mourning her. Sending you & your mom condolences & big hugs., BW.

Take care

Re: Well.. I'm back, I think.

(((())))

 

I'm so sorry that your grandmother passed away. She was so blessed having you and the rest of her family in her life and it's very special that you had such a close relationship with her. Many people today don't even know their grandparents!

 

Although I understand how upsetting it was for the Dallas people to take over the funeral, I've found that frequently there's no control over what happens at funerals (or memorial services) when family is more spread out. I'm sure that your grandmother couldn't help but favor those like you who were in her life on a daily basis, so that perhaps these other people were trying to make up for lost time. You had more close time with her to share all your feelings and important aspects of your life with her, so that just outweighs anyone dominating at the funeral service, even if it put a damper on the experience for you.

 

She's fortunate to have her spirit live on in you and her extended family and friends. You're in my thoughts.

Re: Well.. I'm back, I think.

Sorry for ur loss BW,  

what part of Mexico was she from?   I've studied abroad in DF, and been to many other places.  Loved Michoacán. 

Re: Well.. I'm back, I think.

@makeupobesessed it's a little town called san vicente

Re: Well.. I'm back, I think.

 I'm so sorry for your loss. You Grandmother was a truly beautiful woman. In more ways than one it sounds like. I remember that picture you shared of her smiling, it makes me tear up even now thinking about it. Such a beautiful and pure smile. Reminded me of my Grandma. I understand not wanting to go to the funeral, I hate them and didn't want to go to my Grandma's either. Try not to regret not being able to speak during the program. I don't know if you ever have at one before or not, but it's extremely difficult. My cousin, was raised his whole life with my Grandma. She was basically his mom. 40 + years he pretty much lived with her, and took care of her. He wanted to speak but it was way too difficult for him. It is too hard for the vast majority of people. I tried to speak at my nephews but I started crying to much, it was bad. Couldn't speak at my Dad's either. Your Grandma knows what you wanted to say, and that's what really matters. Let them have their say, they didn't have what you and she had, and that's the most important thing.  You have been blessed to have such a remarkable woman in your life. You will make her even prouder than she already was. 

Anonymous Insider

Re: Well.. I'm back, I think.

She sounds like a wonderful person with a huge heart. You're so lucky you had so much love surrounding you. And I'm so sorry you're hurting. 

Re: Well.. I'm back, I think.

Anyway.. I feel that in order to fight the loneliness and depression I feel over my grandmother's passing, I will try to focus on my makeup again.

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