So I went to my first college party and....

So last night I went to my first college party after modeling practice for the ALANA fashion show ( ALANA is a conference during the last week of September for students from all over the world to get involved etc. and it starts off with a fashion show showing our own personal style incorporated with ethnic clothing. It's a really big event and every one goes to it. I'll post pictures when the time comes) and I hated it. I just wanted to check out the party scene just once. I'm not into partying thing.I got all dolled up  (big hair, lashes, the whole shebang) but kept it classy. I didn't drink obviously because I'm underage and I didn't get soda or anything  in fear that I would get my drink spiked.The guys were animals. Two older guys guys wouldn't let go of me, and the older girls I was with were trying to get me away from them and their friends were blocking them. I knocked one guy out and broke the other guy's nose. I was in utter shock and I started crying 5 minutes later because I've never hurt someone physically before. Smiley Sad I fled before University Police got there because I was really scared and  I hate getting in/causing trouble. But late last night they came to my door and I told them what happened which matched up to the other girts I went with and they said I did the right thing by defending myself and that I wasn't in trouble. It was so scary Smiley Sad

Re: So I went to my first college party and....

WOW, that is an insane college party story.  I'm sorry you had to deal with that.  My first college party was a drunken mess in which I was almost taken advantage of by an upperclassman.  But then, things got much better and I had a ton of fun in the ensuing years.

 

I'm sure you'll make a ton of friends and find your way to much less obnoxious events.  There will always be awful parties, but I'm positive you'll figure out where all the best festivities are and stick to something more your style.  And if not, well I suppose it will help you retain laserlike focus on your studies. Smiley Wink

 

Re: So I went to my first college party and....

I am so sorry  you had a horrible experience, but I am glad you are physically ok.  You did the right thing by standing up for yourself, and what you did is an inspiration to other girls to stand their ground.  

 

Do you carry pepper spray on you?  If not, that may be something you want to look into even though you may not go to an event like that again.  However, people wondering around on campus can be iffy at times.  There have been a few instances on campus where I didn't feel completely comfortable, and I was ready to whip out the pepper spray if needed.  Even though I commute to school, there are times that you never know.

 

Once again, I am proud of you for standing up for yourself  Sending virtual hugs your way!

Re: So I went to my first college party and....

Oh, and I thought of something else that the police officer told our girls in the troop, and the parents.  He recommended The Circle of 6 application.  You have up to six people on your list, and if you get in an uncomfortable situation, it sends out a message to all of them, along with your location.  He thought everyone should have it. 

Re: So I went to my first college party and....

Smiley Sad I'm sorry you had such a bad experience, that's terrible and NOT acceptable. I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself and keeping yourself safe while getting OUT of a dangerous situation. I would not have probably thought so quickly but you did so kudos for that. 

 

It makes me sad that we can't just go out and have fun sometimes. always someone has to ruin the fun or take it too far. =/  

Luv&Lipgloss, Diana

Re: So I went to my first college party and....

Hi ilovetopurplefly - Like everyone else, I am so very sorry you had to go through this traumatic event. You were assaulted and should not feel the least bit guilty for anything re: that night, You did everything right, from not drinking *Kudos!* to defending yourself. You were completely within your rights and it's great that there were other girls to witness it. I'm also thrilled that you did speak to the University Police, although you could even take it a step further and talk to the town Police, only if you want to though. If you feel safe that Campus Police took this matter seriously and will deal with these slime-balls, then that's good. Whatever makes you feel most comfortable. Of course the story will get out and Please, Please, Please ignore anyone who dismisses or disses you, they're ignorant jerks!

A few good things are that if other girls hear that you spoke up about this it may inspire more girls to speak up. Also, this will help to define you, both now and in the future - in a good way. It will make you more mindful of your surroundings, more cautious of where you park your car in proximity  to where you're going (if you drive) You should also have friends walk you to your car, if they're guys you trust or girls. Then just drop them back off at the party or bar they're at.

I felt super strongly and somewhat enraged, my heart is beating so quickly. I had an incident when I was a sophomore in HS - *short version* it was a night time event at school and I was looking for my friend and walking away from the school and felt that someone was behind me and I turned around to see a man with a stocking over his face....more frightening than you can imagine. He wanted $$ and I didn't even have my purse with me. He then said, "Well, if you don't have any money then you're gonna give me something else."  NOT!!! So that's when I ran towards school and was screaming like a maniac  I have 2 brothers who are big, strong, intimidating guys (so many girls wanted to get to them thru me - they're hot.) one of my bro's was there that night and when he got to me he was Wailing - like such a deep guttural screaming - he was squeezing me so tightly I literally couldn't breathe,, he kept asking me to talk to him but I couldn't, someone had to come over and tell him I was turning Purple and that he needed to let me go. Kinda funny, after the fact.

The moral of that story is that an incident like that can make you wilt or grow stronger and wiser, I don't think you'll wither away, I think it will just make you more mindful of things and vibes, gut feelings that we often try to ignore, etc. as it did for me.

There is a 'Mob Mentality' that comes into play -someone else mentioned it too - guys don't have to be drunk, they just hide behind that. It also doesn't have to be more than one guy (had that situation on a date - not r*a*p*e -but something scary and forced, I felt lucky to get out as unscathed as I did, hope that makes sense) Unfortunately those boys grow up into so-called "Men" and that continues. I could tell you some work stories, but I think I night crash the site.

So, good for you! Maybe take some self defense classes - so you could really kick their A*S*S*E*S!!!! Do whatever you need to do to feel safe

Going to sleep shortly, will keep you in my prayers and thoughts, Be proud of yourself, because we all are. If you want to talk more personally just send me a PM. Hang in there, you are one tough cookie!! Smiley Happy Smiley Happy

ps -glad you felt comfortable sharing with us. Smiley Happy

Re: So I went to my first college party and....

Yikes!  I'm glad to hear you're okay!  Good for you, for standing up for yourself.  College parties and parties in general can get pretty out of control quick when alcohol is involved.  Its always good to be alert and aware of your surroundings Smiley Happy  Hope you're feeling alright now!

 

xo, Mia

Re: So I went to my first college party and....

Good job defending yourself. You didn't do anything wrong. Some people are just animals. Glad you're okay.

Re: So I went to my first college party and....

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Im glad you defended yourself. 

Re: So I went to my first college party and....

I wish I could give you a hundred hearts and hugs!  I'm so sorry your first experience of college life was ruined by thoughtless, perverted animals.  I am proud of you for standing up physically for yourself.  You definitely did the right thing. These guys may not even be college students.  There are always older men hanging out at college events with no good reason.

 

I hope this doesn't keep you from going to places you want to go.  Just remember to always carry a buddy (preferably a good guy friend).  You will find your circle of friends that will help you find the places that are safe and fun places to hang out.

 

Best of luck and keep us posted. Smiley Happy

 

 

 

 

 

Re: So I went to my first college party and....

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. That's absolutely not acceptable behavior in college or anywhere else and them being drunk is NO excuse. If they really can't control themselves when drinking, then they shouldn't be doing it. Good for you for being able to stand up to them and remember you DID NOT cause trouble. They caused trouble, and you prevented it from being much worse trouble. 

 

People have this big idea of r a p e being a stranger violently attacking in a darkened alley, but that is almost never the case. It makes girls think that maybe their experience was not "real" r a p e and boys think that a girl might just be playing hard to get, and really it's what she wants, or that they are somehow "entitled" to get some action for whatever reason. Or that a girl is just trying to pretend she isn't a s l u t for sleeping around. Disgusting. 

 

It is awful to realize, but I know more of my friends HAVE been r a p e d than haven't. One friend of mine actually grew up thinking it was a totally normal thing to happen because every other child she knew was being abused also. 

 

I'm so glad you're alright, and I hope you will be able to get past the awful experience you did go through. It's not any less scary or serious just because things didn't end up going further. 

Re: So I went to my first college party and....

[ Edited ]

I'd just like to echo the sentiments of everyone else that I'm glad you're safe; you approached everything the right way, from not drinking anything there to protecting yourself from those idiots.  Nebel's right, in our r*a*p*e culture, we (sadly) have to make certain that the victim does not blame themselves for what happens.  And if you ever see those boys again and don't feel safe, call the cops!

Re: So I went to my first college party and....

[ Edited ]

I am so sorry to hear about your experience Smiley Sad I hope that those who harassed you AND attempted to assault you face legal and university level consequences. All I can add is that college is a time to learn and grow as a person, and you should take this terrible experience and turn it into something that empowers you to help others on your campus, help restructure your campus's attitude, and counsel those who have had similar experiences. Reach out to different groups, you are not alone and you deserve to be heard, respected, and protected. Good luck to you as you continue to pursue your education. Hugs <3

Re: So I went to my first college party and....

[ Edited ]

First, I am so glad you are okay.

 

Second, I am very glad this was reported to the police.  NEVER be afraid of coming forward.  You aren't causing trouble- the scumbags that put you in the situation are the ones who caused the trouble.  DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF- In our **bleep**-culture seeped society we are so conditioned to blame victims for the behavior of men who "cannot control themselves" (yet somehow we as women are supposed to be able to control them?)  that we even blame OURSELVES if we are victimized.

 

Third, this makes me so angry.  It makes me so angry that a young woman minding her own business early in her college career has to worry about this.  It makes me so angry that men are taught from a very young age  that this type of behavior is acceptable (and so are women!) It makes me so angry that for every girl who fights and gets away, there's a girl that isn't so lucky.   It makes me so angry that this sort of behavior is expected and largely shrugged off at colleges.   I'm happy you broke his nose.  I hope every time he looks in the mirror for the rest of his life he sees the lump and is reminded about what a terrible human being he is.  

Re: So I went to my first college party and....

Erm, I think in the forum rules it states that they want you to stay away from controversial topics like politics, religion and other things. I mean, you are allowed to mention it I'm sure, but this is not the place to start a campaign about it, I think that's what the rules meant. Sephora bleeps out majority of sexual terms (and only allowed Nars blush name after some BTers complained back in the old-website days) including some random ones I didn't even know/think of. So, it doesn't really have anything against r- culture, I think they just banned a ton of words to keep it as clean/elementary school level/rated PG as possible.

Re: So I went to my first college party and....

(0) Hearts

Yeah, that is pretty stupid.  I guess if they don't let us say it, they think they don't have to moderate it.

Re: So I went to my first college party and....

[ Edited ]

Omg that is crazy! I'm in my third year of college and I'll admit, I've never been to a party. I'm still a few months away from being 21 so I'm not going to drink (plus that's just not my thing) and I've heard a ton of stories just like yours, which is enough to keep me away form partying. You're right, the guys at parties are complete animals, especially when they're drinking. You definitely did the right thing protecting yourself and you should be proud!! 

Re: So I went to my first college party and....

It makes me sad to know you had to go through this. 

 

My daughter is in Girl Scouts (a Junior -- girls in this level are in 4th & 5th grade).  My city's police department has a really good self defense program for girls.  Other areas of the country are starting to adopt their program.  They start in middle school, go through high school, and even offer a course for adults.  One of our moms contacted the police department last year, and made arrangements for an officer to come to one of our meetings.  He talked to them about how boys never really mature.  He talked to them about the way they treat boys.  He also went over some safety, listening to your inner voice, and showed them a couple simple self defense moves.  He tried really hard to modify it for our girls, so as to not give them TOO much information and scare them.  We're all about empowering our girls, so they can be strong women. 

 

I'm sorry you had to go through that.  But I'm glad you stood up for yourself.  *I* wouldn't want to harm anyone else, either.  But if you hadn't defended yourself, you could have ended up a victim.  As a mom, I want to give you a hug.  I'm glad you're okay. 

Re: So I went to my first college party and....

I'm all for empowering girls so that they can become strong women.  But I am also for modifying the behavior of BOYS so that they can be respectful and decent men.  

Re: So I went to my first college party and....

Never be afraid of defending yourself. It's not like you walked up to them and kicked them there, and it's not like you chased them across the room screaming after they bothered you. There were plenty of witnesses so you won't get in trouble.

 

Yeahhh....you need to learn how to be firm and assertive (the right way) in college. For some it's their first time "free of their parents' control" so some boys tend to....overdo things and hitting on everyone with bo obs. It's nice you know how to defend yourself. There are even fake numbers and rejection hotline numbers you can give if the guy's too persistent and you are afraid of refusing to give your number.

 

At least it sounds like you found the right girl friends. It will get better once you start figuring things out. I was lucky that my college was small and tight-knit community, but even then there are parties I will attend and parties that I prefer not to attend.

Re: So I went to my first college party and....

Glad to hear that you were not harmed! That sounds really scary. I certainly agree that you had every right to defend yourself. I'm certain those boys will think twice before getting that aggressive with someone again. It's so frustrating that some guys cannot respect a rejection. 

Whimsically yours,
Janine
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