dolceloure

Seeking advice for friend problem: long, wordy rant up ahead!

So I was just responding to the "pet peeves" post and mentioned that I get annoyed when people don't return the things they borrow, and it immediately reminded me of a crappy situation I'm in that I've yet to resolve. 

 

I lent a friend my collection of Gilmore Girls dvds (7 seasons = a very expensive loan!) back in March when we were living somewhat near each other. Anyway, I moved across the country, and she was supposed to return them to me before I moved, but - long story short - we didn't get to see each other and so I didn't get them. I texted her asking her to just mail them to me when she was done. No response. Several weeks later, I was heading to Europe for a month, so I sent her a reminder text. No response. And another one when I got back; no response. Finally she sent me a random text about something completely unrelated so I snapped at her. She apologized and promised to send the dvds right away. I softened up and said it was ok. She didn't send them though. I wrote her again (at this point it's like September) and I told her firmly to either send the DVDs or to please reimburse me so I could buy a new set. She apologized again and said she would. Weeks later she wrote me saying the package got sent back b/c apparently she had the address wrong, and that she'd resend it once she got back to town (she was traveling for a month)....anyway, she's since come back, and I haven't heard from her, and I'm fairly certain she hasn't sent them yet.

 

Sorry, I know that was extremely detailed, but I wanted to mention all the facts. At this point, our friendship has sort of gone screwy b/c of this, and I just don't know what to do. I'm not super assertive w/ my friends (though I'm never put into situations where I need to be!) and I already feel like I've been kind of b-wordy b/c of my nagging, but at the same time she's been incredibly irresponsible and has been abusing our friendship! And...they're my dvds, my beloved Gilmore Girls (favorite show), and I want them back b/c I can't afford to buy a new set! So...apart from just wanting to vent like crazy, I'm just trying to figure out the best thing to do at this point....(calling doesn't work; I've tried. She never picks up her phone). Do I give up and call it quits on our friendship too? Keep nagging? Publicly shame her on FB by demanding on her wall that she return the dvds (that seems mean, lol)? Get someone else involved? (I don't like the idea of putting someone else in the middle, but there's a part of me that suspects she feels like she can walk over me b/c I'm nice am the only one who knows about her behavior) :-/ Anyway, any suggestions would be welcome. I really miss my Lorelei and Rory. And Jess. Sexy Jess. :smileysad:

Missie772

Re: Seeking advice for friend problem: long, wordy rant up ahead!

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Omg!!! I AM SO SORRY!!

 

I love Gilmore Girls as well! Rory and I were the same age, so we both graduated high school and started college at the exact same time. I love it that they still show it on ABC Family at 10 am M-F! I love it!!!

 

That sucks that you loaned it to her! I would never loan more than 1 season at a time! I had a friend who borrowed a season of Friends and gave it back to me with a missing disc. It took months before she bought me another one... and we lived in the SAME SORORITY HOUSE!

 

I say continue to call/text/email/message her until she sends it back or gives you the money to buy a new set!!! Good luck!

dolceloure

Re: Seeking advice for friend problem: long, wordy rant up ahead!

Thanks everyone for your comments/suggestions. No, of course I won't do any public shaming, lol. I definitely have moments when I'm mad enough that I want to, but I never would. I promise! 

 

Unfortunately we have no mutual friends where she lives, so I guess just the continuous attempts to reach her will be my only option. I've just done it so many times without getting results, that I don't have much hope. :-/ Maybe I'll wear her down eventually. Wish me luck!!

katief241981

Re: Seeking advice for friend problem: long, wordy rant up ahead!

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Ok. I have a few things to say here. 

 

First,  Clearly if this situation has made your friendship screwy, maybe it's not such a great friendship to begin with. Plus, you keep talking about being unable to really reach each other and not communicating so again, maybe not really a friendship worth keeping?

 

Second, no public shaming!  I just don't agree with that personally.  It's immature.  And never solves anything.  

 

Third (which I'm sure you have figured out by now)  don't ever loan anyone anything that you would be devastated to not get back.  Even if it is your best friend. Even if they beg for it. It's obviously not a priority to the other person.  Don't expect it to be.  

 

With that being said, good luck.  My best advice would be just continue to call.  

veronika23

Re: Seeking advice for friend problem: long, wordy rant up ahead!

[ Edited ]

I wouldn't say anything on FB but I would keep at it.  Text, e-mail, call until she gets the message and sends them back.  Once you have them... drop her.  I'm sorry but she doesn't seem to be very nice to you and she's taking advantage of you being nice.  You don't need people like that in your life. Assert yourself.  I know it's hard, believe me I do, but you need to. :smileywink:

BeautyJunkie325

Re: Seeking advice for friend problem: long, wordy rant up ahead!

Do you have any other friends still in the area?  If so I would explain the situation to them and see if they would be willing to get them and send them to you.  

glossyguru

Re: Seeking advice for friend problem: long, wordy rant up ahead!

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Oh my, that set is like $200! Don't just give up on it! Keep nagging at her and if she doesn't do it, well, I don't know. But if you keep at it consistently and just spam her with your demand, then she will do it

wingatprsct

Re: Seeking advice for friend problem: long, wordy rant up ahead!

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It's highly possible she has even loaned them to someone else and just doesn't care enough to get them back.  People like that do not have respect for others or their personal property.  But if you had something of hers, she would be furious!

SugaredMagnolia

Re: Seeking advice for friend problem: long, wordy rant up ahead!

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I would increase the frequency of your texts. She must be the laziest person ever. In the US, most post offices are open all the time now, with boxes, a postage machine, and a drop box. 

 

I would get texting daily...nicely, but persistently. 

pinkonyx

Re: Seeking advice for friend problem: long, wordy rant up ahead!

Do you have a family member that lives near her? Maybe they could get the DVD's form her and send them to you, if not you might never get them back.

dolceloure

Re: Seeking advice for friend problem: long, wordy rant up ahead!

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Unfortunately no, not anyone on my side living there. She lives with her sister, who I know a little. A couple of times I thought to get in touch with her and politely ask her to remind her sister or something, but worried that would be crossing a line.

Tulip09

Re: Seeking advice for friend problem: long, wordy rant up ahead!

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If she is not answering your phone or text. Then you should talk to her sister. It looks like your friendship is already over, so I do not think it would be crossing the line. 

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  • 11 replies
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    • dolceloure
    • veronika23
    • BeautyJunkie325
    • Missie772
    • SugaredMagnolia
    • wingatprsct
    • glossyguru
    • pinkonyx
    • katief241981
    • Tulip09