kssweetheart

Re: No F&F rumors abound...

[ Edited ]

:smileysad:

I need help with this post, I can't get on the 'advice' section, my computer is flipping out or something. I can only get here by checking my emails and clicking on an email that I get when I've indicated 'Follow This Thread.' I also can't get anywhere to post a question of anything. I hope someone can forward this to the correct area for me, maybe my **beautytester** buddy, Thanks in advance,

 

:smileysad:   - This is me.

I lost my Dad this morning. He slipped away about 4am.

I wanted to post something during the week asking for prayers for him and us, I've done so a few times before and the love I received was so indescribably healing and so helpful and heartfelt. I couldn't make the words come. (I Know....Can you believe that? *beautytester* & *lylysa* , among others, will know that's virtually impossible for me (long posters unite **lylysa** - hope spelled right, can't think right now) Wanted to keep it short & sweet but we all know That's not gonna happen! He's been so terribly ill and he used to bounce back after a hospitalization but that hasn't happened the 3 times he's been in & the 2 times he went over and should have stayed but he wouldn't. I know he's in a better place and all of that but....well...that's only a little Band-Aid on a big wound. I do have God luckily. Thank God, literally. I feel like I'm on an island. My siblings,,,,,well, it seems like some are jockeying for positions, trying to be my mothers fave, even if they have to trample others to make themselves look better by tearing down others, namely... :smileysad:  me.

It feels like political campaigning. Thanks but no thanks, if I wanted that I'd have moved to Washington and thrown my hat into the feeding frenzy of the ring that is politics. Guess they saved me a trip  It's happening right here.

Everyone who sees all of us says 'Oh, what a wonderful family you are, it's so wonderful that you're all so close and supportive and that you'll be able to get through this together' While there have been some moments, I will definitely admit that, for the most part I feel like saying "What A Crock!" In a snapshot we look like a pretty picture, once the film starts running the film takes some sad, hurtful, and surprisingly unkind and devious plot twists.

Reminds me of an episode of "Everybody Loves Raymond" when the first meet she invites him to dinner and mentions that "I met your family today and they seem really nice." While her back is turned he makes a bit of a face and says, "Yeah, they SEEM really nice." That's us. Enough energy wasted there, have to try to pray it away and not allow them to affect me so painfully deeply, but I'm really struggling.

My Dad went in to the Hospital on 10/5 and his 85th b'day was 10/7, he did luckily make that and even enjoyed a B;day cupcake. He was in extreme, extensive pain and in and out and hallucinating (not cause of any good drugs they were giving him, the Meds keeping him alive were stopped Tuesday night and they started some Morphine then, but nothing before that) His heart couldn't pump enough blood and his lungs couldn't work properly to oxygenate the little blood that was circulating. He weighed less than 120 lbs and couldn't really eat or drink much. I'll spare you of a lot of the details. Some of the things he said were quite funny, although with a sting of sadness and the slow breaking of our hearts.

 

My Dad Was Wonderful!! Volunteer Fireman, served in the Navy and had a way of making the smallest things seem fun. He got the idea to start a "Jelly Bean Contest" at Easter when we were kids, we'd go around the neighborhood and get everybody's guesses and the closest won, usually a chocolate rabbit. New jar every year filled without our knowledge and before long we didn't have to go anywhere to get guesses, everyone came to us. I guessed it exactly one year, 333 jelly beans, my Grandmother gave me the number, so we had to pick a 2nd winner outside of the family. This went on for Years, everyone would still come and guess and when we were in our late teens-early 20's we stopped, You wouldn't believe how bummed out everyone was when they came to guess. Think we did one more, just to keep the masses happy and ween them off of The Jellybean Contest.

He'd work nights and my mom days. He'd pick me up after kindergarten (it was like 2 1/2 hours long back then, an am and a pm class) and we'd play and listen to music and dance and do all kinds of great things. Even though he'd be exhausted whenever I asked for just one more song and dance, he'd always do it. Of course 1 probably turned into 10 more....hmmmm....sensing a bit of a theme here.....the singing and dancing went on just like my post's do!!

He'd save up his coffee money and take me to The Sweet Shop where they had a soda fountain and we would split a toasted buttered roll and I'd have a Vanilla Egg Cream YUM!! which he introduced me to. Sometimes he wouldn't have enough money so he'd get hot water (he did that at work too even though he was inside and outside in the cold, but he'd be saving his dimes for me - That's a Great Dad.) The man behind the counter knew my dad and would try to give him coffee anyhow and he'd get sooo mad! He'd threaten not to come back in, and I think we didn't for a while, he wasn't mean about it though, just proud and not looking for a hand out. I think they came to an understanding, they were never mad at each other and sometimes he would allow a free coffee from time to time if he didn't have the money for it, probably because he bought me a little something with the money that would've paid for his coffee. It was all good, I worked at a restaurant during school, probably think part of the reason I enjoyed it so much was that we had a soda fountain, so it took me back there. *The fact that I had the hots for one of the guys working there had absolutely Nothing to do with it. :smileywink:

He did go 2 months without talking to me when he noticed I got 1 ear double pierced, for real. Until my best friend who he Loved and Adored got one=that's my friend who's a bit older than me and lost her husband a couple of months ago, 3 days b4 his 55th b'day - her 50th is soon...crappy b'day-So atleast I am not an suddenly single mother after losing the love of my life and father of my young children (12 & 14) WAY too soon.

 

have to go, will come back in a bit with a little great ps and something weird. Thanks for listening gals.

 

oklady2013

Re: No F&F rumors abound...

(0) Hearts

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's so very hard to lose the ones we love. I'm sending you a HUG. I pray you strength, comfort, healing & peace as you go through this difficult adjustment.

kssweetheart

Re: No F&F rumors abound...

(0) Hearts

hi - the post I just did a couple of days ago re: my dad kind of looks like an extension of the original post. Can anyone - a bt/mod or anyone else move this or make it obvious that it's brand new and not part of the first post? I did want all of the people who responded to the 1st post to see this and I think it kind of got lost or swallowed up by the 1st  post.  Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks. :smileyhappy:

 

Hope this gets noticed, I'll hope for the best. Thank you :smileyhappy:

laurabt

Re: No F&F rumors abound...

@Kssweetheart- we are only able to move the post to another board, we can't change the title of the post if that's what you're asking.  Send us a private message if you need more help. :smileyhappy: -Laura

kssweetheart

Re: No F&F rumors abound...

Hi - I'm back. I actually popped on previously and read some of the kind words you shared with me and think I really felt the hugs and the love. I just couldn't even 'heart' posts then but came back today and finally did. I want to respond to each of you and will come back and do that soon I hope. My Mom, who is not an overly emotional person, is having a really hard time, I don't think she had any idea it would hit her so hard - she said she feels empty. I know it's better to have loved and lost than to never be loved at all but it's so hard to see her go through this. She got really sick on top of it all, that didn't help. We're just trying to keep her eating, and try not to hover too much (as one of my sisters does, it makes my mom nuts!) So I'm trying to find the middle ground, guess it takes time. It comes in waves and right now I think I can still imagine or have the illusion/delusion that he is still in the hospital sometimes, I know it hasn't hit me full force yet.

My dog is a blessing. She really is healing, she's got a little extra something that God put into her. She totally knows things aren't right because she doesn't really settle in for real at night unless all of her 'humans' are accounted for. I told her he's not coming home and she really knows what's going on, if it was just me that noticed it you could say I'm imagining it but most of us see it, even friends and family who don't live here. She's breaking all of our hearts. But I do Thank God for her <3

I'll come back with more specific 'Thank You's' and will share some positive stories that help me/us. Here's one to end the night with.......

 

***HOPE You'll Read This If Nothing Else....It's Truly Beautiful.

 

I'd said my Dad was in the Navy and he flew in the old WWII 2-Seater planes. He never dropped bombs or anything (I'm glad about that) Well, he's wanted to go up in one of those for the longest time and even when he was in better health it still was a little scary, so he hasn't flown in years.

The day at the Cemetery while the Priest was saying various prayers all of a sudden what do we see??? An Airplane, flying right over us! There were a number of 'Oh My God's' Muttered (apologized to the priest, he said 'no problem') What were the chances that a plane would be flying directly over us at that exact moment? Especially since he was soooo desperate to get up there. What a beautiful and amazing sign - How lucky are we? What a serious, hardcore blessing and message from my Dad. Magical & Miraculous. :smileyhappy:

 

More another night and thanks again so very much to all of you, you have no idea how much you have helped me and the support has been so comforting, Showing you are all true beauties, inside and out. :smileyhappy:

With all my love, goodnight sweet beauties, sweet dreams.

lillyjumper

Re: No F&F rumors abound...

sending you virtual hugs :smileyhappy: This must be so hard on you and your family <3 you will get through this just fine and I hope it all works out for you <3

wingatprsct

Re: No F&F rumors abound...

kssweatheart, I'm so sorry for your loss.  May the sweet memories of your father and your faith that he is in a better place give you peace and comfort. 

LolaVal

Re: No F&F rumors abound...

Kssweetheart, my heart goes out to you!  I'm so sorry for your loss!  Sending you lots of prayers, love, and hugs!

Missie772

Re: No F&F rumors abound...

I am so sorry for your loss!! You and your family and loved ones are in my thoughts and prayers. *big hug*

FireSpinner

Re: No F&F rumors abound...

Im so sorry :smileysad:  I still have my mom and dad.. and if i ever lost either of them, i don't know what i'd do - it's all the family i have.

jennjenn123

Re: No F&F rumors abound...

I'm so sorry for your loss.  Your dad was a great man, and it's easy to see you love him very much.  Sending my thoughts and prayers your way.

ragdoll4mom

Re: No F&F rumors abound...

So sorry for your loss.  May these sweet memories of the special times you spent together comfort you and carry you through the difficult times.

poshified

Re: No F&F rumors abound...

I am so sorry to hear the news. Your father was a great man, and I'm sure he's in a better place free of suffering, looking down at you and the rest of your family. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

 

*HUGS*

linda84

Re: No F&F rumors abound...

So sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

theramenlover

Re: No F&F rumors abound...

I'm really sorry for your father's passing away. I know there isn't much at all that we can say, much less do for you, but if you ever need to talk or have somewhere else to go just for some alone time, we're always around!

 

My condolences and thoughts are with you at this time. I will say that when my grandfather passed, the exact family politics happened within my family. It was most definitely not enjoyable and at times, I was stressed out enough to tell everyone to **bleep** because at a time like this, how could it be that they're thinking of such material things?

 

What's most important though was your relationship with your father. It sounds like it was fantastic and with all the fond memories you have, I'm sure you'll pull through this!

 

Remember, things can only go up! 

joeanne

Re: No F&F rumors abound...

I'm so sorry for your loss. You were very lucky in that you had a wonderful relationship with your dad and that is something you will always have. Such great memories and funny stories!

 

Unfortunately, times like these bring out the worse in some people and if that's how your siblings are dealing with things, then just take a deep breath. shake your head and leave them to do their bickering.

 

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

PoesRevy

Re: No F&F rumors abound...

Memories are what we have to hold and we should always try to hold the ones closest that make our hearts smile.

He reads to have been an amazing man. I am glad that you had him in your life.

Take care

Titian06

Re: No F&F rumors abound...

kssweetheart - I am so sorry your father passed away!  He sounds like he was a wonderful dad and you have some great memories.  Don't let your siblings' stupidity bring you down; be the adult you are.  Remember, grief can take a few weeks or a few years, so take as long as you need; we're here for you!

anaa

Re: No F&F rumors abound...

My condolences for the loss of your father.  It's a tough one I know.  You have some beautiful memories and a wonderful accomplishment I'm sure he was proud of, was that he helped raise you.  I will keep you in my thoughts.

spoiledbrat

Re: No F&F rumors abound...

Your post shows so much love for your father; the greater the love, the greater the pain. My heart aches that you are experiencing this loss. Is there anyone that help bring the family together?

Wishing you peace and comfort.

Meg82

Re: No F&F rumors abound...

I'm so sorry for your loss.  I am sending you good thoughts and you are in my prayers.

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