GothGirl00

People at my school say I'm mean ...... /////. ...... *le sigh *

I don't understand why people think I'm mean if I'm just being myself. Is it because I'm an introvert? Have darker interests? Or because I dresss in all black? It's probably that and because I'm quite the honest person, I'm not sugar-coating anything, that just being a dishonest person. I guess I'll always have to deal with it since I'm always getting made fun of.

Has something like this happened to you?image.jpg

MoreGun89

Re: People at my school say I'm mean ...... /////. ...... *le sigh *

Another good lesson, sleeping on it helps clear thinking ^.^  Hiya beautytester :smileytongue:

kellsmuneoka

Re: People at my school say I'm mean ...... /////. ...... *le sigh *

[ Edited ]
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Who cares if you're being mean? I think being blunt is different from being mean. I mean people always stress telling the truth and certain people do. I like saying what I feel because if you just don't say what you feel you people continue to do it. I tell them like it is. You're really irritating can you go away and usually that's enough of a blow to their ego  and they back off.

jennjenn123

Re: People at my school say I'm mean ...... /////. ...... *le sigh *

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Many people are, for some reason, made uncomfortable by those of us who are blunt.  I am an introvert, and I was told by a good friend that I am nice, but not friendly.  If I know and like someone, I can be a lovely nice person.  However, with people I don't know, I'm not out there trying to make friends.  Some people consider this rude, standoff-ish, whatever.  For me, trying to be friendly with non-friends is exhausting and I would rather stare at the wall, hide in the bathroom, or play with a candle.  That's why I try to carry a book with me at all times.  Or sewing.  Then instead of being mean goth girl, you're the weird goth who is always reading or crocheting.

 

 

GothGirl00

Re: People at my school say I'm mean ...... /////. ...... *le sigh *

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hahaha so true, I often get told by my friends that Im an awesome person, just not very friendly and just really brutally honest. Doesn't really have a reaction with me but they seem corresponding about it.    

spoiledbrat

Re: People at my school say I'm mean ...... /////. ...... *le sigh *

PM me a description of you and the address of your school; i will pack my nasty/nice self and play Olivia Pope for a day at your school! :smileyvery-happy:

MoreGun89

Re: People at my school say I'm mean ...... /////. ...... *le sigh *

My best advice and what got me through in your footsteps is...run with it.  it pays to be courteous and do nice things, but never sacrifice yourself for it.  These people have their opinions, but do they matter in your life long term?  No, so, just disregard them, but try not to be rude about it.  Their reality comes from their perception, which differs for everyone.

glossyguru

Re: People at my school say I'm mean ...... /////. ...... *le sigh *

Some people are just flat out mean. I dread going to my 11th period class because everyone works in one big group and talks about me and says mean things while I quietly work by myself. And they have no reason, I have never done anything to them and never even talk to them, but for some reason they think it's ok to call me fat, ugly, stuck up, selfish, etc... I just keep telling myself that I only have 3 and a half more years, then I'm out of here

 

I just try to ignore it, that's the best advice I can give you. Don't change yourself just so they'll stop, just be yourself and don't react

lilahtov

Re: People at my school say I'm mean ...... /////. ...... *le sigh *

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Glossy, I am a freshman in college and I struggled with many fake friends and people making fun of me--mostly for my height and style (I just like to dress up, and wear heels to class, okay?!)

 

I know this phrase gets old, but it DOES get better. I've made friends that I know I'll have for a lifetime, and meeting new people has become an experience I look forward to rather than dread. Ignore the haters, you're fabulous :smileyhappy:

itscarin

Re: People at my school say I'm mean ...... /////. ...... *le sigh *

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I had one free period where kids decided to launch spitballs at the back of my head.  A few of them even stuck.  They all laughed at me.  It made me raging mad, but, instead of doing anything about it, I completely ignored it, and eventually they got tired of it and moved on.  You have to ignore them.  If they see you reacting they're going to keep bothering you. 

 

I even had one lunch period with 3 girls came over to me at lunch to tell me no one liked me and a few other nasty things.  I responded by saying something very mean back to one of them, and the little posse left with their tail between their legs.  

 

If people aren't saying anything directly to you, I'd just ignore them.  If you say something back to them, be prepared for things to escalate.  You have to decide for yourself if it's worth it to you to put your foot down, and how much abuse you can take.   

GothGirl00

Re: People at my school say I'm mean ...... /////. ...... *le sigh *

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Yeah that happens to me too,   When we are put into groups I normally end up working while everyone else is talking. Later on they ask me what the answers are and I just say. ' that's why you have a brain' it's not as bad as saying ' you're stupid' right ?!    

sveda64

Re: People at my school say I'm mean ...... /////. ...... *le sigh *

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I wouldn't care just pretend to be nice....it will keep them off your back but if you really were offended by their comments don't hesitate to stand up for yourself. Nothing is worse than simmering over it when you can give it ten times as painful where needed. And this is from a mild girl who decided you can't please the world....so why die trying to? 

Also external outfit and makeup choices do not reflect inner personality. its common notion but very incorrect. So many shows and banners advertise dark red nail polish and black it doesn't mean your gothic.......it says nothing on your nature

sveda64

Re: People at my school say I'm mean ...... /////. ...... *le sigh *

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I wouldn't care just pretend to be nice....it will keep them off your back but if you really were offended by their comments don't hesitate to stand up for yourself. Nothing is worse than simmering over it when you can give it ten times as painful where needed. And this is from a mild girl who decided you can't please the world....so why die trying to? 

nebel

Re: People at my school say I'm mean ...... /////. ...... *le sigh *

"Be kind whenever possible, and it is always possible."

 

Even if you dislike someone, it is possible to be kind to them.

 

I was "The Goth Girl" in high school, college, and beyond.  I didn't believe then and I don't believe now that being an introvert, having darker interests, and dressing in black means that one is a mean or bad person.  We had- and still have- so much fun and laughter in our lives.

 

I know how mean kids can be in middle school and high school.  I know what it is like to be bullied.  I know what it is like to be tormented.


But you have two choices.  You can be above it, or you can sink to their level and be mean right back.

 

Adolescence does NOT last forever, and the people who are making fun of you now are so insignificant in the scheme of things. The most important thing you can do is keep your chin up and work hard in school so that you can rise above all of that and pursue something that is interesting and inspiring to you. 

 

But I agree 100% with what emmaclaire said below.  "Honesty" is one thing.  Being mean and justifying it as honesty is another.  I encourage you to do some soul-searching and self-reflection to see how you react to others.   Are you reacting with honest answers to direct questions?  Or are you simply saying things that come into your head, unprovoked, and labeling it as honest?

 

Remember, even harsh honesty can be phrased nicely.    If your friend asks you if you like her new haircut, and you hate it, there is no need to say "I hate it, it looks bad"   It is just as honest to say "I liked your old cut better, but the great thing is hair grows back and it is always fun to try something new."

 

good luck, kiddo.

 

 

 

emmaclaire

Re: People at my school say I'm mean ...... /////. ...... *le sigh *

If you're getting the same feedback from a lot of different people, it is worth thinking about seriously.  One of my biggest pet peeves is when people use "being very honest" as justification for being hurtful and/or rude - I'm not saying you're doing that, but there is a BIG difference between honesty and cruelty.

 

Always remember to ask yourself these three questions before saying something "honest":

1. Does this need to be said?

2. Does this need to be said by me?

3. Does this need to be said by me right now?

Carmen241986

Re: People at my school say I'm mean ...... /////. ...... *le sigh *

Hey GothGirl00 , 

 

When I was in high school, I went through being harassed by a lot of my classmates for being goth like. I wore the heavy makeup, and dressed in black, wore chains, and a spiked collar and listened to a lot of dark music. I was also the target of being accused of making comments about bombing the school which was just outrageous. In regards to being honest, I too like to be honest and not sugar coat anything. As long as people aren't taking what I am saying in a hurtful way I am happy. I also think that people need to lay off you because of who you want to be. I think goth people are pretty awesome, they keep to themselves, and don't go out of their way to harm others. Because of how one dresses people are quick to have a judgement in mind of them. I say stay strong, and don't let anyone bring you down !.

 

 

GothGirl00

Re: People at my school say I'm mean ...... /////. ...... *le sigh *

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Bombard the school?! That's just...... Ahaa anyway, thank you! Goth people are pretty awesome xD   ' Keep Calm and Stay Strong ' got it! C:

kalex

Re: People at my school say I'm mean ...... /////. ...... *le sigh *

Sugar coating is not the same as being dishonest.  I was 17 one of my friends said to me, "You just say whatever you think.  You don't care how other people feel."  It was one of those epiphany moments.  I suddenly realized that not everyone liked the truth in black and white like I did.  That concept had honestly never occurred to me before.  Prior to that I guess I thought I was doing everyone else a favor by being "honest," but really I was just alienating and hurting people.  I know we've chatted briefly about this before.  Learning to reign in your tongue is one of the biggest favors you will ever do yourself.

 

Now, I am not excusing the people who are being jerks to you, and I am not saying that you're bringing it upon yourself.  You absolutely have a right to be an introvert who dresses in black and has dark interests if that is who you are.  Being "you" will lead you to the people and things that are supposed to be in your life.  These idiot classmates of yours will grow up and you will not be made fun of for forever.  I do want to make sure though that you're not adding "fuel to the fire" so to speak while you're waiting for better things to happen.  I recall the post where you said a kid tripped you and you screamed at him to "die".  Giving buttheads like that a big reaction is only going to encourage them.  

GothGirl00

Re: People at my school say I'm mean ...... /////. ...... *le sigh *

yeah, ever since I got feedback from the last post I've tried real hard to not go and try to optical a fight with them. If they do something I just ignore them, it's been a little difficult but it's better to learn how to hold your tongue :smileyhappy:

lucyshnoosy

Re: People at my school say I'm mean ...... /////. ...... *le sigh *

You should feel free to have your own style and be yourself. No one has the right to make fun of you.

 

I'm interested in your statement that you are "not sugar-coating anything."  It is good to be honest and not deceptive, but that doesn't excuse you from remembering that other people also have feelings and are vulnerable in their own ways.

 

This quote is true for me: "When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people." (Abraham Joshua Heschel)  You don't need to be older to understand the principle.

 

Cleverness does not give us permission to be hurtful or unkind.   If people are being mean, ignore them and don't give them any satisfaction of provoking a reaction.  But make sure that you are not one of the unkind people as well.

 

 

ChicDabbler

Re: People at my school say I'm mean ...... /////. ...... *le sigh *

[ Edited ]

You don't have to sugarcoat things, but if it doesn't help anyone and is better left unsaid, then don't say it. At least that's the approach I took in High School. It's hard to realize in HS, but you don't have to make everyone like you or convince them to think the way you do. If my friends are talking about something I'm not interested in or disagree with, I just shut my ears until they are done with that topic. If everyone likes something and I don't, I don't say "I like it" to please them or "I hate it" to cause argument. I just shrug and say "it's interesting." and let them interpret however they want.

 

I'm out of college already and I've always been made fun of. Most of the time they are light teasing but occasionally there are extreme ones ("All ___ should die...Oh I don't mean you, it's not your fault you are ___." or when I was a TA, "I didn't pay tuition to the university just so you can mess with my grade."). You just have to take a deep breath, step back and think "is this person/comment going to matter in a yr or two?" most likely not, then it's not worth your time getting worked up over it. Just ignore and move on. You don't have to make friends with everyone everywhere you go, altho some ppl seem to have that ability which I lack. To me at least, it's more important to have a couple of true friends who will give you honest feedback and stand up for you than getting hung up on what ppl who don't know you said.

Urbie

Re: People at my school say I'm mean ...... /////. ...... *le sigh *

People's perceptions, especially in an environment like school, can largely be based on one or two interactions.  I know that people thought I was stuck up in school, because I am extremely shy and also really socially awkward.  I now make a concerted effort to be nice to people and to try and be a little more outgoing because I don't want to be perceived as "snobby"- I still am not an extrovert, but hopefully people see me more as "quiet" these days.

 

So, I don't think you need to change yourself or change your behavior if it is who you are, but maybe instead of sugar coating, you can try the "tactfully not saying anything" once in a while if you can tell someone probably won't like what you have to say.  I find myself doing that allllllll the time.

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