punctuationgeek

Online dating

Dating sites boast that "1 in 5 relationships start online." It got me wondering: Have you ever joined a dating site? Would you recommend it? What was your experience with a dating site?

AlwaysGlamorous

Re: Online dating

When my long-term boyfriend and I broke up about a year ago (spoiler: we ended up getting back together once I had a taste of the rest of the dating pool), I tried OK Cupid and it was fun but every time I got close to actually meeting someone in person, they would back out suddenly and sometimes their profiles would disappear! This happened to me at least three times. I got the feeling that those gents got nervous and/or were supremely misrepresenting themselves. I definitely had plenty of awkward, weird, inappropriate messages and I definitely didn't enjoy that. There were so many guys who would leave disclaimers in their messages like "If you don't plan on ever meeting up with me, don't reply." My response always was HOW do I know I want to meet up with you if I don't reply? Online dating is really a game and I think that it allows one to be overly and unrealistically choosy. When my BF and I got back together, after we both had some time to work on ourselves, I showed him some of the crazies on OKC and then promptly deleted my account. That will likely be the first and last time I ever try online dating. 

 

ireneh

Re: Online dating

Do share! Crazies story time :smileyvery-happy: My favorite!

AlwaysGlamorous

Re: Online dating

ireneh, this is the first time I'm ever regretting closing my account! Because you know I want to post the crazy messages I would get. I'm going to dig through my email inbox to see if I can find any that way :smileywink: I'll update once I've done so with the result. 

annypoo

Re: Online dating

[ Edited ]

My boyfriend met his ex through online dating. I've never personally tried, but its definitely an option for many, especially since our way of life is so intertwined with technology. I think its a great way to meet people, but I would just be cautious because someone may be different behind a screen then they are in person.

DrProducts

Re: Online dating

Having explored all the dating pools in my locale, I tried online dating for a while. I met my child's biological father online. Let's just call him Satan. Before panties get in a twist here, let me say that if we go on the "father of lies" description, it certainly fits. I can't tell my story (another custody battle looms), but suffice it to say that he totally misrepresented himself, and had previous (and future) exes (some of whom came forward to help me, fat lot of good that it did) whom he had also met online. He's dangerous and violent, yet has evaded prosecution to a stunning degree.--even when he did something to the child. I'll put it this way: the only thing that keeps this from being a 48 hrs mystery is the lack of a dead body. I'm telling you all this much because it's hard to be too careful. I recommend a  FTF meeting before you get too attached to the online persona. If you get seriously interested, run a background check. Recently my child, now a teen, asked me what I thought about online dating. I said, "That's where I met your dad."  With big eyes, teen responded with an "Ooohh." 'Nuff said.

AlwaysGlamorous

Re: Online dating

:smileysad: Doesn't sound like a fun situation but your writing was humorous, I must say. You had me at "Let's just call him Satan."

serioustree

Re: Online dating

My coworker met her husband of 5 years online, they've been together for 10 years now and have two adorable children. I think it's similar to relationships anywhere, it will either work out, or it won't work at all. 😊

latinadiva

Re: Online dating

My ex had done online dating for a few years prior to meeting me and went back to it immediately after breaking up with me (how he met his now current girlfriend). He definitely used to complain about how much money he had spent on it but he literally was on MULTIPLE sites for several years so naturally that is going to add up. He started a blog about online dating but he only posted a few entries before the girl he was seeing at the time admitted that she was very uncomfortable with it so he stopped and never went back to it. I truly can't speak to online dating because I have never done it myself but I will say from someone who dated someone who was very into online dating, it almost seemed like dating had become....like a sport to him. He is in his 30's and I do truly think he is looking for marriage, but he just doesn't even seem to enjoy dating anymore. It is like he's practicing or going through the motions. He would know he would have to contact X amount of girls on average before 1 would respond. If a girl wanted to meet up in a group, meaning all of her friends came, he felt like to get to her he had to almost ignore her and pay attention to her friends. It would take X amount of dates before he would stop seeing multiple people at once. He would have to message so many times before it got to text, then they would talk for X amount of time before he knew she would accept a date. It just seemed weird, very calculated and robotic. And that is exactly how our relationship ended up even though we didn't meet online. After seeing that and hearing his stories, I don't think I could ever do online dating. Although my friends bug me to all the time. But I still think if people want to online date, it never hurts to try. I just don't think it would ever be for me.

ireneh

Re: Online dating

Definitely agree. As I said in my previous post, online dating almost has an addictive quality because a date is just ONE click away.... like the grass is always greener on the other side!

AlwaysGlamorous

Re: Online dating

(0) Hearts

THIS! "it almost seemed like dating had become....like a sport to him" YES! Every guy I met online was like this!

algenib

Re: Online dating

I actually met my current boyfriend on a dating website. My friends had threatened that if I didn't move on they would just make me an online dating profile, so I beat them to it haha.

 

I must say it's not as wonderful as the commercials say it is but it's also not awful. Apart from meeting my boyfriend I also made a good friend (we liked each other but we had different plans so we just kept it as friends)

 

I would say if you really want to give it a try, go for it, just be careful on the info you give out and feel comfortable before you meet them personally.

tbot

Re: Online dating

Online dating is.... interesting. If you're single (and wanting to not be single) I'd recommend at least trying it.  You can decline to meet anyone or delete your profile if it isn't working for you. I like OKCupid the best, the personality questions actually do a really good job of eliminating the types of guys that I would absolutely never consider dating, and I almost never get "hey baby ur sexi" type messages. You can filter who can message you pretty easily. This is also achieved by talking about gender politics on my profile. :smileywink:

 

Lots of people I know have met their SO's online dating, everywhere from OKC, POF, and eharmony to HotorNot and SexSearch. Married or engaged, all of them! So go wherever you think suits you best, you'll find like-minded people.

 

I have not found true love after all these years (I'm 25, and first dipped into online dating when I was I think 20) but online dating does supply me with fun stories when my love life comes up in conversation. You might meet some weird, crazy, and socially inept people, but really you'll meet them offline too, and it's a lot easier to break it off with someone when they aren't connected to your family/friends/work/life. The catch is that chemistry is really difficult to measure over IM.  Last year I had a lot of of fun chatting with a guy, we had a lot in common, when I met him I really liked him, but not the way he liked me, and then he got mad at me for leading him on and continued to contact me until just recently. Had I met him IRL, outside the context of dating, he would not have assumed that my feelings were romantic.

 

On unwanted attention: once I had a guy who, with only my first name, my school, and my program, tracked down first someone in my class to question about me, and then my facebook where he was very insistent that I talk to him even after I said no. I hadn't even talked to him on the site! Sooo be really careful about what you say about yourself, and make sure to look over your profile like you are a stalker. A major red flag for me is anyone who contacts you after you've shown your lack of interest, (including non-response). Either they don't respect you or they don't respect themselves. They're Bad News.

BabyD0LL1982

Re: Online dating

I did eharmony for 3 months. it definately is an experience. i have met guys i wouldn't normally talk to on my own but it was fun. i had one relationship out of it and it lasted a year and a half. it just didn't work out for me. but i tried match.com and plenty of fish.com, but eharmony was the best with getting matches close to my preference. good luck <3

ireneh

Re: Online dating

[ Edited ]

I was really hesitant when I first tried it. I gave it a shot for kicks and giggles, and it ended up being okay if you're not expecting too much :smileyvery-happy: You meet some cool people and the others... well, the others make for funny stories :-P

 

A couple of precautions:

1) People can be VERY different behind a computer screen. ex: I met a smart-mouth type guy who was really cocky/arrogant onscreen, but he couldn't even hold a conversation in real life. I knew he was interested since he kept trying to ask me on a 2nd date, so it's not like he wasn't into me, but he seriously had no personality whatsoever in person. Not to mention, he was definitely not 5'9!!

 

2) You can never be too careful, especially as a girl. Always meet in public places for the first few dates. I never even let a guy pick me up from my house until I know him really well. Never go somewhere/do something you don't feel comfortable about (some girls have a hard time saying no, myself included). Also don't feel obligated to add him on any social media sites until you're ready. My friend added a girl and apparently she was stalking his FB that night as he was 'checking in' to bars, because she SHOWED UP at one of the bars. He dipped outta there as fast as he could. Some people give me the creepers.

side note ---- please please be extra careful if you're on dating sites that use your phone's GPS system (Tindr). That stuff creeps me out BIG time; I really don't want strangers to be able to track my exact location. It sounds like a potential horror movie plot to me.

 

3) Don't be surprised if your date may be seeing other people simultaneously. This was the one that kind of got me, because I guess I have a more traditional dating mindset. If we have gone out a couple of times and we both like each other, then I would like to be exclusive. I'm not going to keep wasting my time with other 'potential' guys. But you have to understand that online dating is almost addictive to some people. Think about it -- another date is just ONE more click away! It is soooo easy to be "dating" multiple people at once. Call me old fashion, but that's not my jam. ex: A guy I ended up really digging was not only playing multiple girls at once, but he was also using online dating as a means to cheat on his long distance girlfriend. Also had a guy tell me straight up that he is married, but would love to be my friend?? What??

AlwaysGlamorous

Re: Online dating

"Also had a guy tell me straight up that he is married, but would love to be my friend??" Maybe his wife wanted to be your friend too! :smileywink: 

ireneh

Re: Online dating

I must've had a friendly face/profile :-P

AlwaysGlamorous

Re: Online dating

(0) Hearts

Did his profile say he was married? Or at what point did he tell you? I would have messed with that guy so hard....

ireneh

Re: Online dating

First message! And yes, his profile did say so. At least he was honest about being married haha.

AlwaysGlamorous

Re: Online dating

Hmmmm now I'm quite curious about how much wifey knew because all I know is that I would never be OK with my husband on an online dating site. And that's really saying a lot for me because I let my BF hang out with a girl that he previously dated and don't have any issues with it...and just so y'all don't think I'm crazy, all three of us went to the same university for undergrad so I know her, she has her own BF and we have a ton of mutual friends so them doing something sketchy behind my back would be incredible social suicide. But the real reason lies in the fact that they are both in the same grad school program and even though I think he's much smarter than her, they created a bomb study group that everyone is clamoring to get into. So preventing him from hanging out with her would mean that I'm holding him back from achieving academically, which I just could never stand for. I also have to say I'm quite a bit more glamorous than her so there's that too :smileywink:

ireneh

Re: Online dating

(0) Hearts

Also, everybody needs to see this 

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