Carmen1986

My Life : Being Transgender

[ Edited ]

Hey everyone, 

 

So I wanted to write this post, because I wanted to open up about being Transgender. Normally I rarely discuss this because I am at a stage in my own transition where I have kept it on the down low. However I feel so comfortable sharing about my life and wish to let others in on what life is like being born the wrong gender. Some of you may actually find this informative when dealing with transgender folks in your daily life and some might not. Either way I want to do this because it makes me feel good. 

 

I was born genetically as a male, by the name of Michael. As I grew up I clearly grew up as if I was meant to be female. I never ever did anything like any other boys did and always was attracted to anything and everything feminine. I use to love to play with dolls and love to do their hair. I even wanted to grow up to be a hairdressed, unfortunately I grew out of that as I got older. At the age of 7 I had this feeling which I consider to be a ' spark ' if you will that just made me realize that I was clearly not meant to be who I was born as. I struggled growing up to fit in with others. I had gone through intense bullying from my cousins/relatives, teachers, and even classmates and others. As time passed I assumed I was gay because of my interest in men. Throughout high school I never really had a wonderful experience because people just never accepted me as being part of any groups. I had been quite isolated and alone and those who we're my friends basically we're all nice to your face and backstabbed you as much as they could. I confided in them at the time that I was gay or so I thought and of course I ended up being outed and had to deny this because of how others would feel and end up ganging up on me. At the age of 21 I realized that for such a long time I assumed that I was gay because it was the only logical feeling that could explain my intense feminine feelings. However having done research I finally realized I was Transgender. Confused, alone and unable to talk about it I bottled it up inside, and did some research on what it was and what I needed to do to correct this huge error. Having been out of high school for a year my father managed to get me a job at the hospital working in the housekeeping department which in the end was the worst choice ever made. I was terrified about transitioning because it was costly and would eventually become noticeable. However I did it anyways, from painful hours of hair removal, hormone treatments, legal name and gender change, and voice therapy I finally had come to the most crucial step. Coming out, the first stage of coming out with my parents was pretty successful at least with my mother. My father would say he'd accept me but in the end he never did stand up as my support. My father and I unfortunately don't have any relationship anymore due to him stealing from me financially and was told to leave. We still see each other just never speak anymore. Not long after his departure, I finally came out at my job and for the first while I had thought people would actually accept me. However as time passed it became my own version of hell. I have been discriminated against, called every name in the book, been sexually assaulted and basically accused of lieing about it. I've been threatened and verbally and mentally abused by many. The best part of my transition was meeting my now boyfriend and future husband. He is my rock and he is my strength and he lifts me up and I am thankful he supports me with everything. He makes me feel beautiful and he's so positive and uplifting. I've recently been approved for gender reassignment surgery and will be finally completing my surgery in Montreal and will have my man by my side, my mother supports me all the way and I am thankful to have the love, respect and care I deserve. It's been a long journey, one with many curve balls, but I stick it out and make it through all the negavitity to be here today. Although it's rough sometimes I think of what I would lose if I was gone. I'm thankful for this experience and those who genuinely care for me and support me. I wish to thank you all who do read this. Because this isn't about sympathy or pitty, this is simply about being truthful and proud to share my story with you.

 

Thank you all for your positivity, your kindness and respect. I truly wish nothing but the best for all of you :-)

 

~ Carmen ~

 

Just to all who post, I may not be able to get to thank you personally. Always remember I thank you all for your support, your love and your respect and care. I love you all for accepting me for me !. 

 

THANK YOU BT LADIES !

 

Also my boyfriend says that he is very proud to be with me and is very happy with me and that he truly thinks your all wonderful, beautiful people for being apart of my life :-)

Londonlover101

Re: My Life : Being Transgender

you are an amazing inspiration to everyone out there that's voice has been silenced or is going through your situation. Keep living your life because god put you here for a reason and that is to do what you needed to do. We are proud of you girl!

Carmen1986

Re: My Life : Being Transgender

Hey Londonlover101,

 

Thank you for your support and your love. It makes me feel good that I can be an inspiration to people. Especially those who have to deal with the same issues as I do. If I could shield people from being abused and discriminated I would do so. Because I know how hard it is to recover from a constant stream of abuse. Your right he did and I hope that my blog really helps people to understand what it's like being in my position. Thank you !

spoiledbrat

Re: My Life : Being Transgender

Carmen I am so happy you felt this is a safe place. You are brave and strong; qualities that cannot be bought at any price. I wish you nothing but good things, and I hope you already knew that. There is support here for you and your partner.

 

What you have been thru to get to this day is tragic. Too many small minds in this world.

 

All the best going forward on your journey.

 

We love you for you and that will not change. xoxoxo

Carmen1986

Re: My Life : Being Transgender

(0) Hearts

Hey Spoiledbrat,

 

Thank you very much girl :-). I could tell from how warm and helpful and supportive people are that this is a safe environment. This forum definitely is quite a unique space. Your right about that. I know that you wish me nothing but the best. Thank you. I let my boyfriend read all the posts that I post and he even says I have a supportive group of people here for me. It makes him feel good to know I have that and that I have him and my mother too. It's tragic yes, and it still becomes such daily, but you know what I don't back down to people who want to try to ruin me. Thank you again !. That means a lot xoxoxoxox

shapeshifter

Re: My Life : Being Transgender

Thanks for sharing your story and for having the courage to be true to yourself. Every day that you spend moving closer to being the person you were born to be is a gift to the world.

Carmen1986

Re: My Life : Being Transgender

(0) Hearts

Hey Shapeshifter,

 

Your welcome :-). I'm glad that I have managed to gather the courage to not only become who I am but to face the obstacles I have faced. Indeed your very right about that. It will be a truly amazing feeling to finally feel complete outside as I feel inside :-).

CaliCG

Re: My Life : Being Transgender

Hi Carmen! 

 

I just wanted to wish you all best in life and especially with your surgery! Be sure to give us an update! xoxo

Carmen1986

Re: My Life : Being Transgender

Hey there,

 

Thanks very much that means a lot to me as does all these supportive comments :-). I will, and maybe picture of myself up in Montreal pre and post surgery with my guy :-D. It'll be scary but once I am done it'll be quite fulfilling and I will be in a lot of pain so I have to brace myself for it. 

CaliCG

Re: My Life : Being Transgender

Yes! Mini-pre-vacay pics. You seem like a positive and brave girl, you can do it, piece of cake :smileywink:

bvnny

Re: My Life : Being Transgender

Thanks for taking the time to share your story. A million hugs your way

Carmen1986

Re: My Life : Being Transgender

Thank you so very much :-D !! Sending you a billion back :-)

poshified

Re: My Life : Being Transgender

Carmen, I'm glad to hear about how comfortable you felt sharing your story here on BT! It's a very non-threatening board full of supportive, understanding enablers individuals :smileyhappy:. It sounds like you have a very wonderful man by your side who understands you. I wish you well in your surgery and for a speedy recovery! <3

Carmen1986

Re: My Life : Being Transgender

Hey Poshified,

 

I've shared my story before with people on other sites. Unfortunately they aren't as genuine and caring as you all are here. I'm glad to have people that I know I can count on. My guy is the most remarkable aspect of my life besides transition. In the world of being Transgender I have found it's hard to be taken seriously by men. Simply because some see us as a fetish not as people genuinely wanting love. My guy surprised me and always still does. Hes my rock and my soulmate. 

galaapple

Re: My Life : Being Transgender

Thanks for sharing! Do you have any beauty tips? I'd be interested in your perspective. You look great in your profile photo!

Carmen1986

Re: My Life : Being Transgender

Hey there, your welcome, is there anything in specific you'd like me to share ?. Thanks :-)

CzaCee

Re: My Life : Being Transgender

First of all, let me just say that you are a truly brave GIRL! I just can't imagine all the pain and sacrifice you had to go through to be what you are now - a FREE individual.

 

Do not ever let any one dictate what or who you are. The only one who has that right is YOU. Don't let those haters affect you. Clearly, they're just too dumb to realize and appreciate the beauty of having you around. :smileyhappy:

 

Just hang in there, girl! You are beautiful and you'll make it! :smileyhappy:

 

 

P.S.

Kudos to your boyf for being the sweetest and most supportive boyf to you. May you two be happy always. :smileyhappy:

Carmen1986

Re: My Life : Being Transgender

Hey Cza,

 

I am indeed, sometimes I don't feel I am aware of how brave I am. I gotta say that I knew what it'd entail doing this. I just never knew how intense the craziness and chaos really was. Somedays I have breakdowns because of all the crap. However I am never broken. Stressed beyond belief but never broken lol. All I can say is it feels great to be free to express who I am now. I never let anyone dictate anything, I stand my ground even when they purposely use improper pronouns or hateful words. I do have 1 co worker who defends me often and knows what I am doing. She feels it's sad people are so narrowminded. I have come to accept it. Your right and the haters to me are the biggest jokes because they're all mostly much much older then myself.  Aww thank you so much :-). I will tell him and show him about the support. He will be so happy to know I have people who respect me as I am. He's the best !

 

Thanks girl !

CzaCee

Re: My Life : Being Transgender

Good to know that you have such a positive outlook in life! I truly truly truly admire you. :smileyhappy:

 

I have a co-worker that's transgender too and she's one of the best person to hang around in the office because she exudes so much positivity and optism. You actually remind me of her that's why when I read your story, I felt like I had an instant connection with you.

 

There is definitely nothing wrong with being true to yourself. Prove all those haters wrong. Kill them with your beauty and kindness.

 

Good luck with your surgery! For sure, having your mom and boyfriend by your side will somehow lessen the pain.

Carmen1986

Re: My Life : Being Transgender

I have struggled but I do try to be as positive as I can. Some days it's hard but I know I can manage it all. Thank you :-). Oh awesome it's always great to know other trans folk have such awesome people like you to be there for them !. Well I am glad I reminded you of her :-). I've never been ashamed like how my co workers want me to feel. I kill them with that plus I got a big mouth lol. I speak up over peoples idiocy. Thanks and yep it's a lot easier for sure. 

jaimelove

Re: My Life : Being Transgender

what an incredibly brave and strong woman you are! i don't know you, but i am so dang proud of you for sharing this with us. it break my heart what you've been through on your journey, but it is a testament to your strength that you survived and didn't let it hold you back from becoming who you need to be to be happy and whole <3 <3

Carmen1986

Re: My Life : Being Transgender

Hey Jamie,

 

Thank you :-). I have a lot of strength and no one or nothing will break me. I may have breakdowns but I always manage to deal with the blows from others. I felt that I wanted to be open about it. I just felt that people would actually be intrigued to know about what it's like to be like this. Seeing Transgender folk are becoming more noticed. My journey has had and still has many heartbreaking moments. But when I think about my life I have someone who cares and supports me along with my mothers. Your right ! and I could never let anything hold me back from being who I know I was meant to be. 

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