punctuationgeek

Age differences and dating?

A friend and I were discussing age differences when it comes to dating, and I discovered we have very different opinions on the subject. My friend is in her early twenties and with a guy about a year or two younger than her; he's not exactly the most mature person, but neither is she. I am in my early twenties as well, and she told me I should NOT date a guy over 25 because it's "just gross." Not to sound rude, but I rarely find guys my age attractive. It's not a matter of appearance--okay, maybe it is sometimes--but a matter of personality. The guys I've encountered at school are rarely driven, more interested in partying, and are quite immature when it comes to the way they speak and act (especially in a classroom!).

 

My dream guys? Jack Donaghy from 30 Rock, Logan Huntzberger from Gilmore Girls, Dean Winchester from Supernatural--and for real guys (who I'll never meet haha), Seth MacFarlane, Joe Manganiello (that's just because he's a handsome man haha), Ronan Farrow, and John Corey Whaley. All, to my knowledge, are over 25--some of them considerably older than 25. My opinion is that, as long as you are both consenting adults of legal age--who cares?

 

So what're your thoughts on age differences and dating?

natirmn

Re: Age differences and dating?

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My Fiancee and I are 10 years apart. We met when i was 18 and he was 28. we have been together for over 5 years now and are getting married soon! The age difference was both attractive to me and difficult. I was barely starting my adult life and he already had his life together which was something I found comfort in. We went through alot of rough times because of my immaturity and possibly his unrealistic expectations of me at that age. We got through it all though and we are closer than ever. He helped me grow and I help him have fun. I think you just have to find the right formula and try to understand the other persons point of view from were they are in their lives. 

tigrelili

Re: Age differences and dating?

i personally tend to like a man older than me , they tend to be more understanding and open about what they want. I'm not the coquettish type , i make it clear what i want and that i intend on going after it and that can be offputting for some men especially younger ones. I have always taken care of people my whole life so im a bit type A and want things done a certain way but that doesnt mean that I dont want someone that i feel safe enough to let take care of ME. And older men seem to understand that and are better able to traverse the roads that my nonsequitur mind lead to.

 

I mean sure there are some older men that go after me because they want to show that they still have it and want to use me as a trophy or whatever but there are others that realize whats important in life to me and help me achieve those goals as well as enjoy my company.

 

At the end of the day its not about age its about compatibility , respect and maturity oh and communication of course.

JChristina19

Re: Age differences and dating?

[ Edited ]


I'm 17 and I've never ever dated before, though many guys have asked me out before because apparently I'm "pretty" (Thanks mom and dad for sparing all of your good genes to moi). I've had to use the "friend" speech many times and yeah, things do get awkward between me and the guys friends I've rejected because we can't see or talk to each other the same way because of what happened. It sucks, but they just didn't respect the fact that I want to focus on my education first before I date or fall in love. My mother tells me that being in a relationship is very distracting and it makes you daydream a lot and it seems to be pretty stressful due to all of the stories I've heard from friends. Jeez, if I can't really handle the friendships I have now, who know what would happen if I have a boyfriend?!

 

But as you can tell, I'm very mature for my age and I look waaaaaaay older than I am. Some people think I'm a mother, for God's sake! And some woman thought my older brother is my son. Like, WHAT?! 

 

Anyway, age is just a number because of how people percieve me as an older woman and how I act for my age. It really is just a number. You are as young as you think you are. But I have to agree that guys are 5 years behind on the maturity level than girls. Haha! That's why I don't really like or get along with the guys in my schools throughout my entire education. They are not my cup of tea and they are very immature. I'd rather have a man who's already worldly and sophisticated to take care of me and love me. I'm sorry, but younger guys turn me off. I realized that I need a sense of a dominating man who's higher in authority than me in some way. And I've had crushes on older men before because I don't know...they just turn me on, I guess. lmao Even is a guy is 20 years older than me, I won't mind. Again, age is really just a number because it depends on what your mental age is (mine of 35...). To me, it doesn't matter if we're in different stages of our life because we can compromise and work it out either way because of how compatible and understanding we are. I realize that nowadays women and even female celebrities are getting married to older men. I am a traditionalist myself, so maybe that's why I would follow the old custom of young teenage girls getting married to 30 year old men! lol

 

And I'm bisexual, as well, but that would take another loooooong reply, so never mind!! Hehe. So, yep, that's my take on age differences and dating. :smileywink: 

andreabonder

Re: Age differences and dating?

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Definitely. My boyfriends a couple of years older than I am, but I hardly ever feel a difference. We're on the same page with what we want out of life and our maturity. 

and HEY ain't nothing wrong with a man that has a little more experience :smileywink: I feel like it might be difficult when you get passed 15ish years. Just cause both people are at really different stages of their lives. Then again I've never been with so done who's 15yrs older than me. 

I'm 19 & I find that a lot of guys that I go to school with just don't cut it and make me extremely happy with my man. I was actually surprised at how many guys I know cheat constantly and have sex with whatever comes their way. 

Another way I look at this, generally speaking out of couples it's usually the man that dies first, I know. Super weird way of thinking about it. But in this case having a younger guy isn't that much of a terrible thing either. 

midnightangel

Re: Age differences and dating?

In all honesty, most guys never really grow up no matter what age they are.

Maturity has more to do with what you've been through in life & how you handled it. And you'll probably realize that there are different levels & areas of maturity as well.

What you should be concerned with is not a number, but whether this person provides all (or at least most) of the qualities you want in a partner.

What you also need to ask yourself is what sort of relationship you want right now. Serious? Casual dating? Quick fling? Just friends? Marriage? Your standards for each of those roles will probably be different.

green71191

Re: Age differences and dating?

I feel that I contradict myself when it comes to this issue. lol.

 

I believe that age doesn't matter but maturity does. So.. what I mean is that I feel that an 18 year old wont be as mature as a 25 year old. and sometimes it becomes an issue. My bf is 6 years older than me, and I love the idea that he is mature and "ready" for life but sometimes I feel that I'm still not done getting things out of my system. Im the spontaneous. Im the one who says lets go get on that roller coaster, rave, Vegas... etc... He's the one who says lets go to have dinner, drink wine, etc... Trust me I don't mind doing what he likes... but I still want to go do spontaneous things that he wont dare to with me, like SKY DIVING.... :smileysad:

punctuationgeek

Re: Age differences and dating?

Haha, I'm not spontaneous at all--I think that makes it harder with a lot of the guys my age, because a lot of them have some spontaneity. I'm like, Can't we just have dinner, watch a documentary, and discuss books?

green71191

Re: Age differences and dating?

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Haha. No, see im the opposite of you. Im not too much of a fan of documentaries... Lol

jaimelove

Re: Age differences and dating?

my grandparents were married almost 62 years ago. my papap was 10 years older than my grandma and the only thing that ever came between them was his death nearly 4 years ago. their relationship was magical <3 i miss him. 

 

i am 9 years older than my boyfriend, and while he is a major poopface sometimes (ours is his first long term serious relationship), i love him to death. it does make things difficult when i've been in long term relationships and know what to expect from them and he just... doesn't. and doesn't (STILL!!!) do what is expected. sometimes i feel like i am raising THREE kids instead of just two, especially when he pulls the silent treatment crap! i swear to god he is a 13 year old girl sometimes haha. never says he's sorry, even when he's clearly done something wrong, talks to me in the snottiest voice when he gets tired, and refuses to admit that he is wrong. if something is pointed out to him, he has a temper tantrum. on the other hand, he is raising my 10 year old daughter as though she were his own, allows me to stay home to raise my kids, drags my butt around wherever i need to go because i hate driving, puts up with MY moodiness and my triggers (i spent 7 years in an abusive relationship with my daughter's dad... sometimes the littlest things will set me off and i am not easy to deal with when that happens), buys me junk food when i pout, if i text him and say "EMERGENCY" he will come home with taco bell in the middle of the night after a long day at work and school, he lets me stick my feet on him when hanging out on the couch (even though he complains about it a lot lol), and most of all... he puts up with my retail therapy and only complains and rolls his eyes a little bit when i start talking about bt or beauty products to him :smileyvery-happy: so he's obnoxious, but he's also wonderful haha. 

Urbie

Re: Age differences and dating?

I don't really think age matters except in terms of maturity and where you are in your life journey.  I've only really dated around my age (within a few years), but I've been interested in (mutually) with people who were 10+ years older than me because well, men are often less mature than women, so it just works out that way.  

 

My fiance is 4 years and change older than me, but we are pretty much the same person, with the same interests, and we met as similar points in our lives, so it works out really well.  Plus, he lends some stability to the relationship, which I need since I'm always up and down and all around emotionally.

 

In my opinion, the age that matters is your "mental" age.  A guy could be 50 and still act like a college frat boy, or could be in his early 20's an be a really mature, interesting, developed person.  It just depends.

 

On a funny side note, Logan Huntzberger used to me a huge fictional crush of mine when I was in high school and college.  I was like "YES!  That is what I want and need from a man!"  I've been rewatching the series lately as it is one of my favorite comfort shows, and now I absolutely cannot stand him.  Oh well, Matt Czuchry is still a pretty guy.

 

 

punctuationgeek

Re: Age differences and dating?

My mom and I watched Gilmore Girls together, and she'd always tell me to go for the Logans of the world. My friends that have seen the show despise Logan and think he's an arrogant know-it-all, but I still have a TV crush on him haha. If he looked like Kirk, however, I would not be interested at all :smileyvery-happy:

Urbie

Re: Age differences and dating?

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Awwww.  Kirk's "Journey of Man" may be the greatest thing on TV though.  :smileyhappy:

Spyski

Re: Age differences and dating?

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If you're in school I think it depends alot on the crowd you surround yourself with. Yes, there are many immature people in their 20s still, it's all about finding our niche and trying to be somebody in this network driven society. I know many college guys that may not be driven, but are mature in their ways. I think of college as a bubble. Once you penetrate the bubble, all what's inside will be set free and THAT is when people really start to "grow up" so to say. I've been out of school for 4 years now and notice I hang out with or just conversate with people in their 30s. Easier to relate to, atleast for me. Plus where I work I am the youngest and the next one up is in their mid-30s. EHH! I do wish there were some younger folks here though.

 

quotidianus

Re: Age differences and dating?

As someone who has dated considerably older (20 years), around my own age, and considerably younger (10 years), I can say that age doesn't matter as much as base-;line maturity and a match in personality.  Right now, I have issues meeting guys my own age that interest me because so many of them think there are certain things you can't do over 40.  A match is a match, regardless of age ... just keep it legal!

 

(That said, I really don't think I could ever date someone that is 15 years younger or more ... I'd hate to think I was old enough, technically, to be their mom.  Weird, but that's just me.)

punctuationgeek

Re: Age differences and dating?

Agreed! If, age-wise, they could be my dad or I could be their mom (the latter would have to be years into the future, because if I had kids, they would still be in preschool lol), it's a little creepy IMO. Unless it's Jared Leto--he's my exception :smileywink:

kittichick

Re: Age differences and dating?

Age definitely matters, but it's not the only thing that matters.

 

Age matters because if there's too much of a difference, you will probably be in different stages of your lives and that really does matter. Not so much in the short term, but absolutely in the long term. And there's also the issue of having common reference. The major events of the world have an impact on our development, like the Vietnam War or 9/11 had a substantial impact in particular on people who were growing up at the time, because they helped shape their world view. And of course, when you get to the point that you start reminiscing about music/movies/whatever from when you were a kid (it happens to the best of us), it's nice when your partner knows what the heck you're talking about. :smileywink:

 

So it matters. But it's just one factor. Personally, I think it's a big one, right up there with common interests, shared values, and chemistry. But that could just be me.

punctuationgeek

Re: Age differences and dating?

I have relatives who are in and just out of high school, and even then I see major differences just with referencing things. I have no idea what they're talking about half the time--it's like they speak another language. They don't understand my references, so when we talk, there are a lot of awkward pauses haha. I guess I should just yell "JUSTIN BIEBER MILEY CYRUS KARDASHIANS SELENA GOMEZ KATY PERRY!" when I see the :smileyvery-happy:

rdesigns

Re: Age differences and dating?

[ Edited ]

ITA especially about the stages of our lives and common reference.  The older I get, the more valid this is for me.

ladymeag

Re: Age differences and dating?

I've dated people younger (just a few years but when I was 19/20,) older (oldest was a 20-ish year age difference,) and my own age. There is an issue of maturity of both parties and intent for the relationship (long term? summer fling?) I have found, though, that with huge gaps, there are common cultural experiences you don't have and it's far easier to wind up in a situation where someone is taking advantage of someone else. 

I've found that someone has to be really special to fall outside of the half-plus-seven formula for ages. At 30, the youngest person you "should" be dating is 22 (30/2 + 7) and the oldest person is (30 - 7) * 2 = 46. If you're 20, the youngest would be 17 and the oldest would be 26. At 40, youngest is 27 and oldest is 66. As you get older, the gap appropriately gets larger - that seems to hold well with successful dating experiences I've had and seen.

 

(FYI, this suggests that the youngest person Dean Winchester should be dating, as he's 35, would be 24.5. Just don't date Sam, okay, we like you!)  

aviscardi

Re: Age differences and dating?

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omgosh i totally forgot about that … funny my "oldest age" is just a year older than what my current gap is with my hubby. 

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