JChristina19

My Story...On Beauty.

I'm 16 years young and I'm in high school. I've been using make-up since I was 12. I'm really enthusiastic outside, but on the inside I'm just dying of sadness. I usually get comments saying I'm really perky and energtic, but this is my darker side. And I would like to share it with all of you. This is what really grinds my gears sometimes...

 

I am still experimenting with make-up right?? Becasue I just love it!! And it's like people are judging me and my looks before they really get to know me. I am a very open-minded person, but it's like people don't want to see beyond my foundation, blush, primer, eyeliner, and everything else. That's why I feel really isolated and alone all the time. I do have close friends, but I haven't really found anyone with this passion I have. It's so hard. I've been dealing with depresion and bi polar disorder for the past 2 years. I've become a completely different person, regarding looks, personality, and my perspective of my life and the world. My parents don't understand that I wear make-up becasue I'm so self-conscious. I'm self-conscious becasue I'm a pretty curvy girl, even though a lot of people compliment on my looks, calling me beautiful. But how come I don't feel that way? I'm curvy and so what?! I don't need to be crazy skinny in order to look good in clothes from Urban Planet or Aeropostale. That's the problem with society. I wish people would be a litle more sensitive...even with me. It's really difficult having to cope with people who are so biased of me, wearing make-up and having this grudge (which I don't know) against me. I am probably only one of the 5 girls in my school who is high maintenance with make-up. I've been told that make-up enhances your beauty and your features and not add beauty. I've been told that make-up is a type of politeness and class and ethic and respect. How come I don't feel that way about it either and feel like a freak when I am the only on the the room who wears make-up? It makes me upset. And I'm crying just writing this. :smileysad:

 

I really would like to thank all of you beauty gals for making me feel welcome here and OK about wearing make-up becasue I feel like you guys are my friends and family, giving me such great advice and talking with me about our obsessions. It's great. And thanks for reading my story and connecting with me. It really means the world to me. :smileyhappy: 

 

xoxo,

JChristinaC19 <3

emmaclaire

Re: My Story...On Beauty.

I'm so happy to hear that this community has brought you some joy - we are made better by your presence and contribution as well!  It sounds like you're really going through a lot right now, and as an old **bleep** (well, I'm 24, but I feel really old lately, ha!) I want you to know that having such a great sense of identity is an amazing and wonderful thing.  It sounds like you're figuring out who you are and being true to that, and that's admirable!

 

I also really want to say that the kind of internal pain you're carrying around shouldn't be ignored.  It sounds like you're having kind of a rough time right now, and I really encourage you to talk to someone about it.  Life can be tough, and you should NEVER be afraid to ask for a little bit of help when things feel overwhelming.  Whether you say something to your parents, a school counselor, a teacher, or a relative, seek out a responsible and trusted adult and let them know how you've been feeling.  See if you can make an appointment with a professional who might be able to give you some really great advice about how you can feel better and grow.

knadala

Re: My Story...On Beauty.

Its hard to see now, but life gets better. This is the time when you have to decide whether you are going to overcome your obstacles or let them defeat you. The older you get, the more your passion and strength is appreciated. When they hate on you for no reason, it's jealousy. You must be something special for others to all take notice of, don't sell yourself short. 

 

"They laugh at me because I am different, I laugh at them because they're all the same."

 

 

nolasara

Re: My Story...On Beauty.

I felt compelled to respond to you because when I was young (from 15 on), I would not leave the house without foundation.  I never had porcelain skin, but I think the real reason was insecurity.  Even after I was married, I made my husband turn around and go home, making both of us late for work, because I had forgotten my foundation.

 

Fast forward to now, I am 57 years old, have hardly worn any makeup in years, feel better in my skin that when I was 25 and wrinkle free.  My choice to not wear foundation is partially because I think it can look make women my age look older but, more importantly, every year after 30 you gain confidence and care a little bit less what people think, so by my age, you do not give a sh@#$t, and you have realized that you cannot please everyone anyhow.

 

So what am I doing on Sephora.com.  Well, I decided that I could play with makeup, enhance my look, because I feel like it (and because my gay friends like to say, "would it KILL you to use product in your hair and some mascara."

 

Your pain spoke through your email, but I hope that you embrace, at a much earlier age than I did, that you don't need to caulk your face with a complete layer to protect yourself from the world (it doesn't work anyhow).  I wish you good luck, and feel great empathy, because I do not believe that things have gotten much easier for women since I was your age; the opposite may be true.

pearlgirl7

Re: My Story...On Beauty.

JChristina19, I am so sorry you are having to deal with all of this negativity, but I think it is really great that you decided to reach out on BT - please continue to do so! I would recommend also reaching out to those people in your life who you can trust, who are open-minded, and who are respectful of the great person you are.

 

I am 27, and I want to tell you that so much changes so quickly after high school. So. Much. I do believe that things will get better for you. Just be strong, be confident, and have the courage to be your own person. It sounds like you already are doing so well in these areas, and you would be surprised how many people you go to high school with are likely not. In high school I was valedictorian, dated the football captain, and was a decorated athlete in my own right. People told me all the time they wished they had my "perfect" life. What I never admitted until a few years ago is that throughout my entire adolescence I felt terrible about myself - I was insecure, I wasn't my own person. I stood up for nothing. I am telling you this just to illustrate the point that regardless of someone being in the "popular" group, being an "outsider," or whatever, most people are going through things in high school. Add on top of that peer pressure and fluctuating hormones, and it's a really tough place to be. I would venture to guess that those people who have the most negative things to say are the same ones who are also the most insecure themselves. 

 

It is great that you are already being your own person and doing the hard work of dealing with your feelings. Keep it up! And easier said than done, but please, please don't let what anyone else says about you or your decisions negatively affect you because being true to yourself is a beautiful thing.

 

And one more thing...I found that when I went to college there were so many different people on campus. There were groups and activities for people with all sorts of differing likes, dislikes, and personalities. This allowed me to find the courage to develop a true sense of myself and get involved in things that actually matter to me a lot. However, college is not the only place to do this. Think about something that you think might be interesting to try, and find somewhere to do this. Take an art class, take a class at a community college, volunteer somewhere. Or start your own interest group! If you don't like something, on to the next. If you do like something, keep going back to it, and you will find that you are likely going to make friends with the same interests as you.     

calamityjane85

Re: My Story...On Beauty.

I agree with everyone here and everything that has been Said. I just have to reiterate, high school is so tuff.... Just hang in there once you get out in the world you will find it is so much easier,  and its like the pressure is off.  

Titian06

Re: My Story...On Beauty.

Hi, JChristina19!  I want to specifically echo what @Meg82 said.  I suffered from Bi-Polar Disorder from childhood until it was finally diagnosed about five years ago.  A closely aligned mental health team along with medication and non-medication treatments in helping you manage your health issues.

 

I'm glad make-up make you happy.  It's nice that you've found a hobby that you have such an interest in.  There could be some jealously there from others.  Even if you're starting out, in their eyes, you good at when you're doing, which means they are not getting the attention.  If you think they're interested in what you're doing and they're just to embarassed to ask you about what you're doing, maybe one day when you try something new...a new nail design, a completely did eyeshadow, anything...casually bring up, "Hey, I'm trying something completely different with ______.  I was just curious what you think?"  This comes from actual events in my life; it just didn't involve make-up.

 

I also want to pass along something I learned in a training class I took 15 or 20 years.  I don't remember what the class was, but I specifially remember this trick because it still comes in handy for me.  When someone compliments you on your make-up--that's a good thing--don't pooh-pooh that!  Here's what you do, you say, "Thank you!" and on the inside you say to yourself "Yes, I know!"  When we practiced this in class we actually had to the "Yes, I know!" outloud.  So practice in front of a mirror.  I still have to say this if I'm being complimented by a big-wig in our company.  It may not be the compliment that you want, but most people do not give out compliments just to be nice.  It's a lot easier for that person just to walk by and give you a smile or say, "Hi!"  But that person took the time to say you look nice.

 

Finally, if you're one of only a few girls who wears make-up and you want to find someone who has your passion, start a one day a week after school course.  You could teach (even though your new to learning make-up) other girls how to use make-up.  You could call it on-the-job training since you're learning to.  Maybe you can use school resources and access some of the really good blogs such as Temptalia's blog (for one example).  To learn what to look for when looking at make-up.  You could take "field trips" to Sephora or any department store make-up counter.  But be the leader and say we are a club from _____HS and we are hear to learn more about make-up.

 

Whatever you do, do NOT take what others say or do to you personally!  You are NOT in the wrong.

 

"In order to feel good, you must look good!"

- Fernando

jrperk

Re: My Story...On Beauty.

Do not let anyone minimize/define you. You sound like a very smart,insightful young lady. I have found quite often the 'old souls' have a hard time until their chronological age catches up with how they feel inside. Having dealt with depression and anxiety I can sympathize with the person you feel like and the person people think they know. Keep on keepin on and know that life is beautiful (even for those of us that feel outside)!

JChristina19

Re: My Story...On Beauty.

I would personally like to thank all of your for your kind, amazing words. I definietly feel so much better about myself and stronger. I don't get a lot of councelling outside becasue I'm busy juggling with my schook work and extra curriculars. I am seeing a social worker at my school, but it's not much actually. I only see her max. 30 minutes a day a week. It has sort of helped, but I still need that extra guidance when I'm at home. I try to stay busy i.e. doing sports, yoga, volunteering, writing, filming, etc. but I realize that even if I do stay busy the stress really overwhelems me. I often try to push myself over the limit just becasue I feel like it would give me a sense of pride. Does not work, let me tell you. My life in work just does not stop and seeing all of these encouraging and consoling comments are unbelieveable, I was not expecting people to reply so fast with such heart. I've always been rejected in my life, so that's why I wasn't expecting this. I'm crying right now...tears of joy. :')

 

I will message you girls if anything does go...the other way. But to be honest, I don't think it would happen becasue you'll always be here for me. I'll get through it. <3

 

Thanks and take care.

 

xo, 

JChristinaC19

beautylovingirl

Re: My Story...On Beauty.

Anytime no matter what if your feeling like your really down about something or just need to vent, you've got a whole new group of friends who love you to pieces and will be here for you!

JChristina19

Re: My Story...On Beauty.

(0) Hearts

Thank you. I know, it's VERY VERY evident. I love you gals soooooooo much!! xo :smileyhappy:

nebel

Re: My Story...On Beauty.

I understand. Let me tell you this- it will get better.

You are going through a tough time in your life. It is tough being sixteen, period. Even more so when you are dealing with depression and feelings of being "on the outside"

But I promise you this, this does not last forever.

It is tough hearing others' thoughts and expectations on what you "should" be, especially when you're young. I am going to tell you that the only thing you "should" be is you. As you get older, you will become more comfortable with You. And YOU are beautiful and spectacular just because that is who you are.

We are all here to support you.

Meg82

Re: My Story...On Beauty.

Oh honey, I'm so sorry you are feeling this way.

 

First off, bipolar and depression are really freaking hard to manage, trust me, I know from experience. Do you have a therapist and a psychiatrist you trust?  If not, work hard to get them, having a good mental health team can make all the difference.

 

As for the makeup stuff, you are the only one who can decide if it makes you feel good.  If it does, eff everybody else, wear it cause you love it.  If it is causing too many problems and so isn't making you happy, maybe wear a little less or only wear it on weekends.  You are the one who knows what's going on in your brain and body.  If makeup makes you happy, wear it despite the disapproval.  If it doesn't make you happy, don't wear it, or don't wear as much.

 

Teenagers can be really mean.  If you wear makeup in spite of their disapproval it demonstrates that you are a really strong person, and I applaud you.  Well, actually, the fact that you are surviving bipolar and depression makes me applaud you too.

 

You are a strong person, that's clear from your writing.  If you want any support on the bipolar/depression front feel free to message me. (that actually goes for anyone who is reading this, if you have mental illness issues and want to talk to someone who has been there, I'm around) 

 

*hugs*

spedteacher74

Re: My Story...On Beauty.

As a middle school teacher, I can tell you that teenagers can be not so nice and even down right mean to others their own age.  I experienced this myself in middle school and high school.  As some other posters told you, it will get better.  High school is a difficult place to be.  Your body is changing and hormones that are going up and down constantly contribute to this too.  You are not alone, it might not be any consolation, but I promise you aren't.  You might find that some of your friends feel the same way you do, but are afraid to share it.  The highlight of my school career came in college.  It is so big and so different from high school.  I found it was the first time and place I was not judged.  People find other people that share common interests and learn to love new things.  With age, will come more self-confidence. 

 

Bipolar and depression are disorders that are difficult to manage.  Talk to someone.  Your parents?  If you can't, how about your school counselor?  Perhaps make an appointment yourself to see your doctor and talk with him/her about how your feeling.  In addition to the high school pressures you are feeling, the management of your bipolar and depression may need some adjusting.  This is common. 

 

Perhaps get involved in some sports?  I was not an athlete myself, but my parents got me involved with tennis.  It was great because it was an individual sport and the only pressure on me was the pressure I placed on myself, not from teammates.  You will be amazed at the effects exercise can have.  Research show that exercise is as effective for depression as medication is. 

 

Lastly, love yourself and enjoy experimenting with make up.  Have make up be an extension of yourself.  Don't worry what others think, be yourself, it will take you much further in life and love.

qmgirl

Re: My Story...On Beauty.

Hi JChristina19. I'm sorry you are feeling sad and maybe a little alone and let down. I know it is hard to go through things when you think no one understands and can relate to you. I think most of us here can relate in some way or another and ALL 16 year old girls go through things. They may not be the same things you are going through and some people can mask their feelings a little better so you may think your peers are not going through rough patches but I can pretty much guarantee they are. It is not easy to be a teenager and a female I think (ok maybe i am biased :smileywink: ) is a bit harder because we have more things to worry about than boys ( and may i say boooo to that lol). The best advice I can give you (as a 35 year old woman who was once a 16 year old girl who though the world was against me) is to be positive, ignore the nasty things you hear and continue to experiment until you figure out what is best for YOU! These teenage years will be over one day and you will be the beautiful woman that you are meant to be and you will look back and first breathe a sigh of relief that the teenage years are OVER and then you will laugh about it with friends and family. Just be yourself and don't worry too much about others. Remember they are going through things too and some people like to put others down to make themselves feel better. it doesn't make it right at all but it gives you a little perspective! Enjoy these years and figure yourself out! :smileyhappy:

SORRY that was a little long winded but obviously i had a lot to say. lol I was in your shoes once. :smileywink:

SilveryPink

Re: My Story...On Beauty.

  My best friend is all against makeup. Every single tube of mascara.

But what she doesn't get is that I feel more confident with a sweep  of mascara, a touch of lip color, dab of eyeshadow. (I love Lancomes Honeymoon and Kitten Heel)

What hurts is that she says, " You honestly look better without makeup." It brings me down all over again. I've been through a lot in the past year, from an eating disorder, to a friend in our group that turned on us, and makeup is a way to make me feel better. Inside, I'm dying, but the makeup covers up some of it. Like you,people only see the happy, healthy you, the never really bother looking behind the lip gloss. 

I go for very natural, other people compliment, saying that I look so pretty, but what good is it is I didn't feel that way?

nathaliew

Re: My Story...On Beauty.

At 26 I can tell you that it does get better. When you are a teenager everything is just harder, your feelings seem to be magnified by ten, but that does get better. Hang in there girl! Listen to the people who know you, not the people who try to put you down because that's the only way they can feel good about themselves. You are amazing, beautiful, unique, talented and so much more loved than you can ever imagine!!

 

kenny

Re: My Story...On Beauty.

Thank you for sharing, I know how hard it can be. It's tough but be strong. I too honestly just love makeup and enjoy the application process. Personally I rarely go without, I know sometimes people judge you for actually spending time on something they find "superficial". The same way people can judge you for actually trying to dress well (wearing more than sweatpants to class in uni). Honestly what I have found is a great way to confidence is to always walk tall, walk with pride and purpose, it slowly just makes you feel great. Don't let other people's hangups get you down, usually they just don't understand or wish they could look that way themselves. 

 

Last of all as others mentioned, do what makes you happy :smileyhappy: At the end of the day, this is what matters.

JenJenz

Re: My Story...On Beauty.

I know it's hard but try not too worry about what others think of you. Look within yourself and decide what makes YOU happy. If makeup makes you happy, then wear it and wear it proud. I think if more people didn't care what others thought of them, we would all be happier. People would be free to express themselves without the fear of judgment from others. There would be no such thing as "weird or strange"....it would make the word "normal" obsolete. 

anaa

Re: My Story...On Beauty.

I'm so sorry that you're sad.  Think of makeup as artistic expression, a way to be creative.  Some folks are very vibrant and artistic, some are low key and not so creative.  Neither is right, it's just how you express yourself.  I do connect with you, and hope you can be happy with yourself, as you are.

kelsey808

Re: My Story...On Beauty.

Wow I'm so sorry to hear that you have to deal with this! I hope you know that you're not alone though, I've struggled with my self image throughout high school and have had multiple people make comments about how the fact that I wore a lot of makeup made me fake. Some people are just rude and hurtful and will do/say anything to try and bring you down, and the best way to be at peace with that is to ask yourself one question: how does wearing makeup make you feel? If it makes you feel more confident and better about yourself, it really doesn't matter what anybody else thinks! Seriously, when it comes to your appearance the only opinion that should count is your own (: And if anybody judges you based on your appearance, they're completely shallow and not worth your time anyway. Keep your head up beautiful!!!!!!!

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